No i want it to stop. Hes been that way from almost the first time we talked. Its just really messed up to play with people's minds.

Yes I hear voices in my head. They are usually telling me to get off of Mingle and get some work done. No, wait...that's my boss.

Yeah, I've had that happen. Usually because I didn't use any discretion and started opening up too fast. So I just stopped opening up until I felt I knew enough about them. Even that doesn't always work, but it gives you more time to weed out some of the wackjobs and domesticatrices.

Need to work on putting up my guard more.

Yes, it has happened to me. Although not recently... in the last couple of years I've been in enough situations that I just avoid it completely. I talk to people, chat and try to have a good time, but don't try to get too deep into them as a general rule. I mean I like to try and figure out what they like, their interests and the kind of personality they have, but other than that I try to put no emotional attachments to it. I suppose for me, it is about finding good conversation and people to communicate with. I do find myself dwelling on people I meet who have some sort of problem though and wondering if there is something that can be done or said to fix it.

One thing typical of those with ADD:

They often says things then regret them within just a few minutes.


This is because of their impulsive behavior. They speak in a stream of consciousness....without a filter. They have problems being put on the spot. Anxiety and nervousness serve as distractions, increasing the inability to focus. When they have trouble focusing, they cannot think very deeply on the spot.


For instance, easy way to get me to open up to a person since I have ADD...

When we're alone, just sit silently.

The silence - lack of conversation - makes me nervous. It's awkward. I'll try to resist talking, being very terse in the beginning. But that silence will gnaw at me, so I'll say a little more each time. I'll even beg them to say something, ask them not to place the burden all on me....but when they don't comply, I begin to ramble - about myself, or something I've read, or whatever. It doesn't matter. I just need to break the silence while searching for that needle in the haystack that might get the other person to start talking. Seriously....I really do think of it in terms of "if I talk long enough, sooner or later she's going to have something to say". It's a bad way to think or act, but my ADD won't let me show restraint in that situation. I just get too nervous because of the awkwardness.

And yes, I will regret every minute of it. Especially when just one or two sentences turn into my life's story. I know it doesn't make a good impression, but I just feel like I've got to try. It's the trying part that gets me into trouble.

Yep, I guess it comes with territory of being an artist. Jim Morrison said "I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments."

I'd like to confess that breaks me down overall, and who knows? Life could throw me anything at this point right now, anyone and I'd still feel the need to know them on a deeper level. Its in my nature. I feel like I was born in another time. But I was given this time. The digital age. I am extremely old fashioned and that irritates people. Least I believe it does. I believe in courting, courtesy, companionship and loyalty to people's individual freedoms and aspirations as long as violence isn't an option. I keep it that way because its how I am built. I am naturally nosy/curious soul that prefers the truth over apathetic personalities. Being thirsty for another's intelligence is old hat in my book. I live in a ultra safe world where it feels like an episode out of some mundane reality show. Where's the lust for passion in that? So I like to search, be inquisitive, probably forever of people. I know my authentic self feels the best when its going well.

Hmm, well I wouldn't say I am a model for ADD. I think medical terms for the most part are labeling and nonsensical. But in many cases helpful for some. Not ruling it out. Sure most of the world tends to have certain symptoms but in this case, I tend to think its more of a mix of my extreme shyness blending with this ferocious confidence that's dying to seep out of me. I tend to speak without a filter. Not always but my thoughts sometimes hold me hostage and burst at a moment's notice. LOL Pretty phuckin mystical. Never thought I'd ever break myself down this way. *sigh* 'tis life. And I never really had much of a problem getting deep. In fact it needs to be held at bay. I wish the dam wouldn't break ALL the time.

I have a stammering problem too. It comes from many years of watching shows about families that talk to each other constantly but never really listen. TV did raise me though. Music did. And for that is what I am still here today.

Really? You look like people

im a nutty day dreamer, its how i get my equally crazy ideas.

Yeah I used to day dream all the time. Not so much anymore. I program and it takes up most of my attention.

you got more self-control than i, what sorta programing?

Right now I am just under two years of study in Java. I know some other languages like HTML/XHTML & CSS and C/C++ as well. Kind of boring but someday it will payoff.

Hah! I am the same way, I always feel like I am in the wrong place and time. I still believe in romance and the old fashioned way of courting a lady and making her realize how special and amazing she is. But in this digital age it is a little on the difficult side, with everything and everyone expecting an instant result and with so many having a short attention span, it just flusters me I admit. I've learned to adapt somewhat, but not completely. I can't just become something I am not, nor act a way I do not comprehend, it can make me awkward around people at first, and I am sure it can make some people uncomfortable who thinks everyone should act a certain way. I've had people try to interrogate me about it, as if I had some sort of issue or problem on it because my thinking is not like theirs, but my answers dumbfound them because it is not what they want to hear. I like myself, and I like my viewpoints and what I am seeking and what I believe in. If it irritates people, so what? I will not change how I feel or think because of anyone, I will however look at them, listen to what they have to say, and see if I can apply that to my own thinking in some way. Like everyone else (most everyone that is), I am always learning to be a better person, and sometimes I do need a little outside help. Take me or leave me as is though.



I can totally sympathize with this. I hate awkward silence. I seriously love quiet in and of itself, but in a situation when I am with someone, whether friend, lover, date or what not, long patches of silence agitate me. I get fidgety and start to babble. In the last few years it has gotten a bit worse in fact, because I enjoy conversing with people, and when people get very quiet and distracted, or spend all their time staring at phone screens, I get completely lost. I try to make jokes or small talk to get the responding, but it usually devolves into me sounding like a fruitcake.

Its not boring at all. I love that stuff and I'm getting more into all that cache coding and weirdo computer lingo. No means a comp wizard, I love that stuff though, but I'm pretty basic. Its kinda fun. I feel smart getting into it. Definitely gives me something to do besides mostly sitting on my a$$ occasionally staking old/barely bound books at the dinosaur museum that is SMC Library. My one thing with Java is the constant upgrades. Its like we get it already.

Are you talking about the Java Runtime Environment?? Or the software development edition (which I think is on 7 right now). It's not that big of a deal some of them only make minor changes that do not need to be upgraded right away. I am also learning hardware at the moment. Actually have an assignment due tommorow. I actually have my big 800 page Java book sitting in my lap as we speak.

I'm hearing three voices right now. Two are not saying anything I want to hear. The third is telling me.........I should just walk away....quickly. I'm not yet sure from what???
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm............

I think it takes a vast amount of maturity to come to complete terms to yourself. I am a lost lamb. This is the person I am now. But I feel like time is knowledge and I'd rather keep my mind open and on the lookout for that over something as trivial as vanity. I tried looks over personality once, that was a major disappointment. And so have many, yet they never know/admit this was the initial problem. My mind was destroyed for the worst. I stopped living completely. I just couldn't believe people were capable of such things, but anything is possible I say now. Truly. And hell, I can't change men. Haha, do they REALLY want a woman like that? Hell no. Most of the time I think a man truly wants a women who doesn't need them. A perfect head game. How do you know anything then if its such a cat and mouse chase? Somethings gotta give and eventually the woman may move on to a man more worthy of her time. One who shows affection, is honest about his intentions, knows and is secure with his endeavors. Life is not black and white in those terms. Love is surely a complicated a$$ thing. No matter how good you look on the outside, no one can proudly say they got it all figured out. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway. Or it should be. I tend to believe the outside the box theories. Makes it more real. Less contrived and unbalanced.

Bottom line: this is what getting hurt does to me. I am much more critical, less trusting, more emotional, more everything. I wish I wasn't a marionette on a man's hand. Cut my strings, I dare the next man to.

Yeah but your still a bit younger. You sort of said something similar yourself. When I was 19 - 22 I thought things similar to what your saying. I was mature for my age to. Sometimes these things kind elude definition the way you would define them and the answers that your looking for kind of follow a different track. It's difficult to say it exaclty. But we all have things we wonder or think we may be wayyy different than other people and try to find an answer to make sense of it, when it doesnt quite work the way were looking at it.