One of my friends suggested this would be a good thread. As those of you who know me have commented and such, I have been through a lot. I have had two serious boyfriends who I all but ran into traffic to get away from on here. I have gone on dates and will find something wrong with Clark Kent. Today after breaking it off with the second guy, I realized I do not want serious commitment. I am not ready. Not that I want to go out and be a schlore but I was with the same man almost 20 years and I only divorced in 2010. When I was young, I got proposed to a lot by guy friends and said no. I don't exactly understand why. My ex husband calls it "the cute factor" though I don't see myself that way. He tells me to go slower and take a good three years to get to know someone before I commit like I did with him. He knew what he was getting into at that point as I am complex beast. Right now, I am just looking to make friends and have one person I'd like to be a muse for but that's it. The first guy really wanted to offer me the moon and you saw that in poetry forum. I literally at one point said to him "Do you remember that I said if you whip out a ring too soon? I will tell you to put it back in your pocket? Well I am telling you to put the entire life you are offering me back in your pocket". The second, I thought understood me and then woke up to realize this person did not get me a bit. Not only that, I realized of myself "Why are you saying YES to things you don't want and then back peddling?" My mother gave me a speech (as you know she is a writer) when I was about 17 about marriage and children. She encouraged me to chase every dream I had first and achieve everything I ever wanted that I could before marriage and children. Not that I couldn't have relationships but before I settled down anywhere to go after everything I wanted in life. When I married at 24, I had not completed my mission. I still have so many things I want to go out and achieve and do. I was letting the social norm of being married at my age sway me. I realized today, "Terri, why are you doing that? You have never been happy with the social norm. Thus never having children or being domestic". Even though I have my degree, I re-enrolled in college today. I am back on my mission. If a guy comes along who fits into that scheme so be it, but marriage and family is not in my game plan and I need to remember that.

Terri

No muse is my word not his. LOL. I don't think my ex literally means 3 years. He knew me two and we lived together one after that before marrying. I can tell you that I am a very hard person to live with and very complex and not saying that in a bragging way. Often too complex. Well actually simple if you are here 24/7, I am a righteous pain in the azz unless you appreciate "Terri" as a second language.

Paragraphs Babydoll....Google it.

I glanced at this thread and it looks like one giant sentence that I gotta decypher.

Just consider it Honey....(I know your name is Terri...don't hate the "Honey" reference)

I ain't trying to be offensive Darlin. I just see a huge block of writing with no breaks so, honestly...I just got off work and am too tired to try to understand the original thought/theory/question.

Whew! Read as far as I needed to....


"My ex husband calls it "the cute factor" though I don't see myself that way. He tells me to go slower and take a good three years to get to know someone before I commit like I did with him. He knew what he was getting into at that point as I am complex beast."

What the f**k does an Ex husband know?! Seriously....

That guys advice is meaningless!!! He is an EX! If he had the vaguest clue, you wouldn't be ex's.

My advice....never mention your ex again....that was a failure to learn from and never repeat.

This is just my opinion.

I dont know how to make it in to Paragraphs myself.

The "enter" button.....Right side of the key board....it says "enter"

Hit it on accident and BAM!!!!..... paragraph.

I agree with Krupa about the paragraphs. I also do not understand why you would be taking advice from a previous husband. You really sound confused Terri. I wish you luck.

Should an ex really be choosing your next relationship? Not implying anything here. Just wondering why he needs details. Why a three year limit? It's not like you'll die in three years time. Three years or what? :) I just don't like the sound of this.

Krupa,

For you only, I will hit the return key.

I resist using the return key as I am forced to when writing articles.

I am confused for whoever said that. I just yesterday figured out what I didn't want. I do not have a manifest destiny in mind.

I had to go to m-w to make sure I was using muse correctly

3muse
noun
Definition of MUSE
1
capitalized : any of the nine sister goddesses in Greek mythology presiding over song and poetry and the arts and sciences
2
: a source of inspiration; especially : a guiding genius
3
: poet
Origin of MUSE
Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin Musa, from Greek Mousa
First Known Use: 14th century

Nope, I will not take back muse. If you know me in real life "a guiding genius and source of inspiration" IS ME.

Krupa,

You are among the whole 12 people on the planet that may call me "Honey" without getting verbally slapped.

Terri

My dear friend,

Right now, you want more for me than I do. Yes, almost all my electives in college had to do with art and writing and I got all As. But ask almost any artist or writer, if that pays the bills.

You are in a very different place than me. I divorced and went immediately into living with the one you know as "jerk face" following by a few dates and two other guys that wanted to get way too serious way too fast. You are looking for real partnership right now. I am out looking for friendship and amusement and if someday in the distant future, that turns into a relationship so be it.

Though I know it sounds like I am being used, I have been a muse before. If you remember Ode to Engineers, you can remember my track record with creative types.

There are many songs out there about me. TG most do not use my name. Some good. Some about how I am heart breaking biotch. A really intense one about how I was in such a black mood one day that I reminded him of his ex who did the ultimate in selfish things which we are not allowed to mention in forum. There are more photos of me and pictures drawn of me. My name has been spray painted, doodled, carved in trees. I guess used and mused rhyme for a reason. You are right about that.

But sometimes it's fun to be used a little. I don't let people use my body but my mind is big enough it can spare some. It's like Kitten's thread about her perfect first date and how the guy ended up feeling used when she slept with him and left. In some situations when you are in a certain mind set, you take an X-acto blade and just cut the pieces out that you want for the time being whether that just be sex or getting some guy to have fun with your brain.

I do fully understand what you are saying though. Don't think I don't.

Yes of course, you know me. I would love to have someone who shared my love of the open road, appreciated that I know all the best dives, that I can take them to museums and tell them obscure facts about Meso American art and such and who appreciated my writing and visited my blog and read my poems. Most of which are dedicated to someone and have him not be jealous. And if you read one of my first poems "The Empty Bed", you know how much I miss that aspect of my life too. AND I would not mind having a light hearted but committed relationship. BUT I have not met that person yet. I am not wanting to get all intense and live with or marry someone or be a baby momma to their existing kids. I have not found the guy who does not scream at me for walking around braless or dancing in my underwear with the dog to "Rebel Yell". Ya that sounds fun until you are my actual boyfriend and then they always turn nuts on me. If I hear "For god's sake, woman..." "For the love of god, Terri..." or anything else like that which is a scolding for something I have done again, somebody is getting hurt so it's just best that I avoid those people right now.

KLC as I have gone driving down the freeway screaming along with Alanis, I have thought of you "IT'S THE GOOD ADVICE THAT YOU DID NOT TAKE".

teadipper: i dont think there is such time as "ready". when it happens it happens.

i do agree on the paragraphs bit, a little hard to read, but ey, each to their own.

i guess you gotta just take life and get from it what you want. when your ready to settle, im sure you will find the right one.

As Lex often says, "settling is what cereal does in the box during shipment". Asking me to ever settle, is like asking a child on Halloween hyped up on the sugar from the candy from that night's take to calm down and got to bed early. It's never going to happen. I have always done best with boyfriends that were legitimately very busy and worked hard and when were home with me played harder. I may have been married but I never have been and never will be a "wifey". It's not my nature.

Terri, sweetie...I read this two times...I wanted to be sure before I commented...First, there is no social norm...just life..
But more importantly, about your history with men as you describe it in your OP...What I am hearing is everything you do in life is tied in, one way or another, to a man...Even the last paragraph when you speak of college and re-enrolling you preface it with "If a guy comes along who fits into that scheme, so be it."...When you begin to make choices and do things that are right for you and you alone, I think the possibility of a real and lasting relationship will have a better chance....

Terri.....The healing process can be a bazaar

journey....it usually goes something like this:


1 step forward, one step back, 2 steps

forward, 1 step back, one step forward, 2 steps forward, 3

steps forward...ooops ...3 steps back.....


It can make you feel real wacky...

but it's all cool...


allow it all....and just write away til there is nothing more to

write....when you get bored writing about it, you will know

you are healed.....


In the healing process will come the pain and

grieving , and also the death of the

relationship.......don't avoid it ,or stuff it, or deny or, bury

it.....allow it all ....

Yep, that Lex is a smart man. Maybe you should make a bucket list of things you want to do or places you want to go. I have found that a relationship can really mess up your life if the person isn't willing to take the journey with you, so I found it best to go it alone. You sound like me; in that you need your space from that person which is why being with a busy person works for you. I say focus on you and what you want to do with your life. Life is too short and I hear so many regretting what they did with their lives because of relationships and marriage. You need to find the answer within yourself and not in another relationship. JMO