No, I am explaining why I am not in a relationship young man. I have no time to babysit a 50 year old man. It gets tiring after a while.

Well, join the club. I'm 27 too, and I've never even been in a relationship. And although I've met many nice Ladies over the past few years, they are just far too complicated. And cause me great health problems. Staying single for a little longer really won't hurt

you still have the option to, however. Either way.



lol I know what you mean. Personally I've never really broken the two months point. That being said, idk if its here (Jersey) or what, but man......alot of women I've dated have just had some crazy drama keeping them from keeping "healthy".

Well, they say to find your equal, is one in a million.

We will find the right person one day :)

lol I know what you mean. Personally I've never really broken the two months point. That being said, idk if its here (Jersey) or what, but man......alot of women I've dated have just had some crazy drama keeping them from keeping "healthy".


Well, they say to find your equal, is one in a million.

We will find the right person one day :)

Well, they say to find your equal, is one in a million.

We will find the right person one day :)

equal schmequal, I'm not that difficult a person to deal with. I'd gladly settle for some action with Ms. RightNOW while waiting for Ms. Right to stroll along.

Well, I suppose that would be true for some but sure as we age; the odds of meeting that right person are quite low. I think Lex summed it up with his comment and I totally agree with what he said.

I think we tend to become conflicted about the whole thing. I think a part of us wants to "go with the flow" and "do what we're supposed to do" and pair up "like normal people" and follow the standard course. At the same time, we see that it's really not as simple as the popular "wisdom" (I use the term loosely) would have us believe.

And when we've been through five or ten or twenty or ninety consecutive relationship disasters, it finally starts to sink in that relationships might not necessarily be essential, or even desirable.

But the cultural influence, the "When are you going to get married and settle down and start a family?" pummeling, can be very grueling.

do you think part of the problem is being particular about one another? As in....everyone's looking for "THE" one....Nobody's just looking for "one to be with for a while"?

I think that's a factor in some cases.

On the other hand, I've seen people who were so desperate that they would just grab the first person who showed any interest at all. My guess is that this is not a good way to handle things, but I haven't done any studies on it.

For me, I'm just looking for someone compatible. But, because I'm not "mainstream" in my beliefs, philosophies, and what I want in a relationship, I haven't been able to find anyone even remotely suitable. Sure, I could lower my standards, settle for someone who is not what I want, and have a partner. But that relationship will be over in three months or less (it always is), and why waste three months on a dead end?

idk, I think acceptance goes above all. There are just aspects to myself (such as musical tastes) that are too obscure to be related to. As far as appearance.....you can see anyone as attractive if you choose to look for it. Its very easy to dismiss someone as "not good looking" just because you have a standard of requirements sitting before you.

People are going to have preferences. That's just part of being human. I saw a profile of a woman who would only date guys age 25-27. That seems a little restrictive to me, but I suppose she has her reasons. It's her life, not mine, and I'm in no position to judge.

I agree that acceptance is important, but within reason. For instance, I won't date anyone who has kids. No wiggle room. Been there, done that, got the messy diaper. No thank you.

Appearance is extremely subjective in terms of what anyone may find (or not find) attractive. I do believe that there has to be some element of physical attraction -- for me, anyway. I'm fine with being called shallow and superficial, I certainly won't try to deny it.

You know Lex I think that the more people want me to go with the flow; the more I resist it. I have never been one to follow or go with what society; or my family dictates. I know many think I should have got married and had kids. I never had a desire to be a mother and as for marriage; there are many unhappy couples out there. That sure made me think. Fact is I see no use for a relationship. I can do just about anything for myself, and I don't feel lonely for a partner. I think for some; its a great necessity to have a relationship; someone to love and I say go and seek but I don't think for a minute that this is the norm for everyone. I think this too is a generalization that everyone needs someone.

Same here. There was something that made me uneasy about the "norm" from a very early age. When my mother told me, "You'll understand when you have kids of your own," I thought it was mandatory. I thought everyone had to do it. She said WHEN, not IF.



I like the CONCEPT of a relationship more than I've liked any of the relationships I've actually been in. Probably because the concept isn't constantly trying to change me.

the "when" and "if" thing.......I'd think most parents assume nothing but the best of us will come in time. just a way to reframe things.

as far as change...whats so bad? a little variance is good

My parents had no business being parents. They did it out of inertia, social obligation, and expectation. It was just what people are "supposed to do." They probably never even realized there was an alternative, so I guess they wouldn't have expected me to think about an alternative, either. I think it's dangerous to just accept whatever anybody throws at you, though. A lot of times, it's not going to be in your best interests.



Change is normal. Growth is normal.

But everybody I get involved with wants to turn me into a cardboard cutout of the dad on Leave it to Beaver. And that's just not me. I have no interest in being that person.

I've been in a lot of relationships which start out with her saying "I love everything about you!" Three months later, it's "I need to CHANGE everything about you!" Frankly, I'm fed up with the lies and manipulation. If that's the person they want, they should go after someone who is already like that, and stop bothering me.

Damn, I am having problems with this site trying to reply so will try again. Lex; my parents were the worst in the world and they certainly were not good role models. They popped out 6 kids just because they thought they should but never thought how they would take care of us. The results were very abusive and neglectful parents.

As for change; I don't believe we should try to change the person we are with in a relationship. That sounds more like a control thing. The only time I ever wanted a guy to change was to eat a bit healthier as he had high blood pressure; high cholestoral, and was overweight. I was just worried that he was going to have a heart attack due to eating high fat foods and drinking heavily all the time. Other than that; no he doesn't have to change for me. Life is too short not to be the person you were meant to be and a relationship shouldn't change who you are or you lose your identity.

lol then maybe go after younger women? who knows man, most times, they don't know what they want.

I tried that for awhile, but then I moved to Indiana where there's really no hope because I don't know anyone here.

The problem with the younger ones, in the past, has been that even when they don't know what they want, they become more and more mainstreamed over time. The 20-year-old free thinker becomes the 25-year-old with the very loud and very demanding biological clock. Biology takes precedence over everything else, including individual identity. They get to the point where life is only worth living if they can be an adjunct to another person. This seems like a very unhealthy mindset to me.