Well, Lex, I personally know of two women (one is married, the other is engaged) who have made a personal choice never to have kids. One of them, I'm confident will stick with that, the other, is young. She's young and her body (and hormones... etc) will change. Her personality seems naive and I think it's highly reasonable that she may change her mind later on down the road. Which is going to be a problem with the young ones... seeing if they are mature enough to make a decision that they are truly going to stick with.

I wish you all the luck in the world. I think things like that are driven by culture (and yes, you've already mentioned this), but I don't think that many level-headed, young, childless women will be on a dating site. They're probably very active, consumed with hobbies, traveling, etc, and are probably the most UNDER represented group on dating sites. I like the idea of you traveling and researching this whole childless mindset and how culture influences/drives/inhibits such things. Who knows, it's probably how you'll meet someone incredible.

For me, I could care less about most things anymore. I don't think my personality is compatible with too many people (I'm pretty sarcastic and require whomever I'm with to carry with them an armor of 'thick skin') I would just like to find someone with two IQ points to rub together, and can form a coherent sentence. This whole dating thing is turning me into a cynic. Not good. Not taking this all too seriously anymore, lol.

Which is going to be a problem with the young ones... seeing if they are mature enough to make a decision that they are truly going to stick with.

^ that is a good point

On the other hand, my one ex who has always been militantly childfree, made the decision at age 15 and has never wavered. She is now 27 and, if anything, is even more firm in her position than ever.

I realize the default setting demands that biology trumps intellect, but it doesn't have to be that way. I've seen bits & pieces of occasional evidence to indicate that there might be people who don't feel the overwhelming need to procreate.

of course there are, and my sons at 15 were more mature than my last IRL boyfriend when he was 32 - seriously

all kindsa people in the world

and to come full circle and beyond on the subject, I think what you are looking for is feasible but I also think the degree to which you are willing to categorize or prioritize those preferences into some kind of heirarchy, or distinct groups perhaps named "prefernces vs complete deal breakers" will make it even more feasible for u to succeed. NOT settle, but compromise. We all have to if we want to share our lives with other human beings

But I really only have 3 deal-breakers, and everything else is negotiable. Lots of people have more deal-breakers than that.

The problem, I suppose, is that fitting into my deal-breakers would require someone to think beyond doing what everybody else is doing, and that creates a huge problem.

why is it a huge problem? I see people who live all kinds of lifestyles - a lot of people do not really want the white pickett fence & a dog and 2 station wagons

well..........now that I've said that, it looks like the new guy who moved in next door has a station wagon....

But I'm looking for someone who doesn't have kids and who doesn't drink. Kids and drinking are so totally ingrained into this culture's mindset -- if it's not a diaper commercial, it's a beer commercial, and most people just assume it's SOP. Trying to find someone who can see past the indoctrination is difficult.

the part about seeing past the indoctrination - I like that and I'd like to find that quality too in a man - people who have that skill make great conversationalists usually as they....hellooooooo...think for themselves

But this is rare. Most people are mentally lazy and will only do the minimal amount of cerebral work -- it's easier to follow the herd.

How many times have I seen this? -- the 25-year-old woman, lamenting "All of my friends are getting married and having babies," as if she's somehow missing out on something, being deprived of something.

It brings back memories of Mom asking "If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you want to jump off a cliff too?" (The analogy here, for me anyway, is almost perfect.)

And the 25-year-old woman, still childless, seems almost desperate to remedy the problem. There is talk of a "biological clock." It becomes a race, a reproductive Keeping Up With The Joneses.

And does she ever stop and think "Maybe this isn't so bad after all, maybe not everybody needs to have kids"? No -- it's too alien a thought, too non-mainstream, too non-traditional. There's only the yearning for a baby; never mind her suitability as a parent (if only good parents were allowed to have kids, there would be far fewer people on the planet), never mind anything at all -- all that matters is for her start popping 'em out, and the sooner the better.

maybe that makes her happy. it can be hard to see ones friends moving into new life stages without you...especially when ur young -she prolly went to college and/or HS with them and wants to continue to feel like she fits in with her posse

it's hard when you don;t. I have a reverse situation where I divorced and my posse was (is) still married and living in the same little country town I lived in for 16 years (god they are ALL the same those little country towns )

anyway - most of them I have not seen in a decade - our lives don't fit any more...not an easy pill to swallow...so I can understand her


and having children is prolly the best thing ever - my kids gave me a reason to live in many ways. I mean seriously, a reason to live.


I mean I hope u find what u want but I can;t see faulting someone for wanting children

It's not about faulting, it's about acknowledging an irreconcilable difference.

I've heard all the arguments about the positives of having kids. Over and over and over, to the point where I could get a parrot and accomplish the same thing.

And if it works for you, great. I have no desire to try to convince anybody of anything. Andy Warhol once said, "You can't tell anybody anything," and I've found that to be generally true.

Some people should be parents, some people are great parents. That's a good thing.

But I'm just not interested. I could no more understand the appeal of parenting than I could understand the appeal of working on cars or voting in an election or hunting or watching football on TV or going to a bar or hitting myself repeatedly over the head with a ball-peen hammer. None of these things makes any sense to me. I understand that these are all popular activities (maybe not the hammer one so much), and if people like doing those things, fine, but it just makes no sense to me.

As for the anecdotal 25-year-old woman -- if her attachment to her high school-college friends means more to her than making her own life decisions, there's nothing I can do about it. And, whether or not she makes the inevitable standard-operating-procedure mainstream decisions out of her own real thought, or out of herd-mentality, really doesn't matter to me in the long run. Because, either way, I'm not going to be interested.

You want to meet younger women who do not want kids and have never
had kids and are smart and creative? Mingle2 is not necessarily the
best forum for that. I'd say that UC Berkeley, Stanford, MIT or an
Ivy League school campus might be a better milieu.

Possibly Univ of Chicago or Northwestern.

Most of them may not be on mingle2.

The odds are not in your favor so it will take a considerable amount
of extra effort on your part I'm afraid.

I can't really do much active seeking because there isn't anything out there for me to find (on dating sites or in real life), as far as I can tell. I have no idea where I should go, or who I should talk to, etc., in order to find someone. Years ago, I had friends I could talk to about these things, and some of them were very helpful. But I'm not in that position anymore, I don't know anyone around here, and so I'm pretty much limited to hoping someone compatible eventually wanders into my area....

I think you'd have to go and hang out where young smart women are
to meet them since not that many which you find attractive appear
to be on dating sites.

Then some small fraction of them maybe like 5% will really not
want to have children and say so honestly and some of them will
be able to spell and not drink.

Since you are looking for such a small fraction of the population
then it will make a big difference if you make more of a personal
effort in actively seeking her out. It is just very unlikely that
you will meet by chance or that she will happen across your profile.
Otherwise you'd have gotten more hits on mingle2 by now!

I can't really do much active seeking because there isn't anything out there for me to find (on dating sites or in real life), as far as I can tell. I have no idea where I should go, or who I should talk to, etc., in order to find someone. Years ago, I had friends I could talk to about these things, and some of them were very helpful. But I'm not in that position anymore, I don't know anyone around here, and so I'm pretty much limited to hoping someone compatible eventually wanders into my area....

A college town is a great idea. You are fortunate to know exactly what you want. Why not put yourself in proximity of the population you are seeking?

Moving is not an option for the foreseeable future.