This thread is really old, but I think I forgot to come back and read these posts. All of them are very good to read, thank you.
I must say though, that I was not referring to small mannerisms that I couldn't tolerate like toilet seats and mustard dripped on boxers. lol
I was an extremely happy person when I met this guy. This is one of the things he said he fell in love with was my humor, and happy go lucky nature. I don't hang out with people for them to make me happy lol, they hang out with ME because I am happy and they want me to make them laugh and be happy.
I am talking about a total disregard of attention and affection. He professed and displayed a huge amount of love and affection, and expressed it openly. He was attentive and offered to buy all my friends their round of drinks etc. Then he moved in, and I found out he could squeeze a nickle till the buffalo poops, and rarely got up from his computer except to go to work and smoke. He took my company for granted for the next 3 years. Yes, I gave it that long because he kept telling me he understood what I was saying, and he would work on it. The compliance kept me hopeful. I had a very deep love and attraction for this man. So a very high tolerance to small things. I never complained much about small things. I told him to NOT worry about the toilet seat. I think it's funny when I don't look and fall in the bowl in the middle of the night. lmao.
He also had several very bad, hurtful addictions and was a convicted felon. I told him in the beginning what my boundaries were with porn, lies, betrayal, etc...he stepped over them all.
I did leave finally. But he is still after me. He says he wants to change, and gets impatient with me that I don't trust him now. wth?

I agree with one of the posters here that you have to roll the dice no matter what. You will not know what it's like to live with someone until you do. You can waste a year going slow to make sure it all fits, just to move in together and find out he's a big fat turd wrapped in a pretty paper. I don't like wasted time. I like to know right away who someone is inside. I don't want some fake crap to get used to just to have him pull out the con artist card.... And next time, if there is one, I will boot him out after 30 days of ignoring me.