ya but once the decision is made to move in together you KNOW that compromise will be needed - gotta suck it up and let the little stuff ride...

How long did you date before moving in together? Moving in together changes everything. Now there are no more completely alone time. You both have adjustments to make. Just like how some people get a very rude awakening when they don;t live together until after they're married. It takes away all mystery when you live with someone and some people after moving in figure "why try anymore".
My suggestion is have a sit down and talk it out. Good Luck with it.

I think you nailed it right there.... don't know why I didn't think of that myself... I'm supposed to be smart... guess love is blind as they say. Thanks for reminding me. You win the prize.

No no.... I guess I didn't give details... my bad... I'm not into long assed stories.
It's not about accepting him for who he is.... who he WAS is totally different. Do I have to explain? lol
I'm not talking about farting right out as aposed to holding it in. Hell, in my world... fart away I don't care... I'm talking about a TOTAL turn around. From day to night. THATS not cool.

Man... you're on the defense for my dood aren't you lol
NO ONE here is talking about "little stuff" in any way, shape, or form... I never implied it in beginning this thred.
I'm talking about total personality change... the "you're mine now" and "I don't have to put on my ACT anymore" attitude. This guy, started to TOTALLY ignore me, when he once doted on me. Was the life of the party... then became inverted and drawn to himself. This type of thing... like split personality stuff.

he obviously feels too comfortable(secure) with your relationship. do something to make him realize that just because you're with him it doesn't mean you have to stay with him.
people stop trying once they feel they've "won" or accomplished their goal. in his mind, he's won you. make it clear that he can be replaced if he doesn't start acting properly. and be willing to leave if he doesn't revert back to the way he was.
obviously there's going to be some level of comfort and some relaxing of mannerisms, nobody is going to be preened 24/7, but there has to be a line drawn.
unfortunately, even if he does change his behavior for the better, he'll likely get lazy again and you may have to repeat the process.


. . .

I win it to ..because this is what I would of responded to your question...starting from I think the internet... right up to... be themselves

to give a fair answer i'd have to blow suds off a few cold ones with the guy. you know, hear his side of the story. you're buying the beer.

I understand putting in the extra effort to sweep a girl off her feet, but also to be quite geninuine behind that helps too. As for going as far as moving in with each other, then changing completely, it does sound like somebody was ignoring the signs. Anyone that fakes it from the start are only wasting their own time. It's pointless & in the end just lying to themselves.

Once a trophy is attained, it sets on the shelf for all to see.

Opinion; we forget that a relationship NEEDS to be worked at, EVERYDAY. Once living together or married, it is to easy to take things for granted & let life's daily worries divert our attention.
Learned from second marriage, we got help & were very glad we did.

You BOTH need to decide to work at it, OR????

but krup, he shouldn't have to do it for her - happiness does come from within. I guess I'd wonder what her expectations were - had she never seen him in last Saturday's frumpy sweats before they moved in together? If not, they prolly moved in too soon.

Clearly I can keep myself looking like a fashion model for a date or even a weekend but my expectation would be that a man would realistically know that at home my hair gets messy and I wear jammy bottoms......and am not the world's most picky housekeeper & definitely would want people around me to be able to relax in their home....

So I guess as far as the OP, it would depend on the degree to which he had become too relaxed & abut what. But if it bothers her she will have to choose what she wants...

I guess that's true. It's hard to say. But if you aren't happy that is the important thing. It is hard for me to understand how the signs were not there earlier? But actually I have also seen that happen - just over a longer period of time as my ex & I grew apart over the years, but that's a little different. To turn into someone else immediately is kinda weird.

it doesnt sound like its little things tho... i fell for that scheme before as well (i posted about it in here)... The guy was great! treated me like gold, was honest and sweetn and all that.... until we moved in together and he decided to treat me like crap!...

ya I have never had that happen, but I think as I reread the thread I have a better idea of what she means. At first I thought she was talking about stuff like not keeping up his appearance, but it does seem to go a little deeper than that. I have really only had 1 other relationship for any length of time other than my marriage, and we didn't live together but we spent enough time together so that I know exactly what he'd be like to live with...a lot of fun probably but not too good on responsibility so if I had chosen to live with him, I'd have known that going into it....that is why I think maybe they co habitated too soon

Does Familiarity Breed Contempt?
Do you really believe that familiarity creates contempt?

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shift-mind/201010/does-familiarity-breed-contempt

Happiness or a life together based on lies is a house of cards just waiting to be blown over. A person can be happy with themselves, yet, if someone comes along and lies to that person, all happiness is blown out the window. OP, only you can decide what you can and can not live with.

yes intentionally deceiving someone for a hidden agenda of some sort is not what I was seeing - if that is what happened then yes, that is very weird

This thread is really old, but I think I forgot to come back and read these posts. All of them are very good to read, thank you.
I must say though, that I was not referring to small mannerisms that I couldn't tolerate like toilet seats and mustard dripped on boxers. lol
I was an extremely happy person when I met this guy. This is one of the things he said he fell in love with was my humor, and happy go lucky nature. I don't hang out with people for them to make me happy lol, they hang out with ME because I am happy and they want me to make them laugh and be happy.
I am talking about a total disregard of attention and affection. He professed and displayed a huge amount of love and affection, and expressed it openly. He was attentive and offered to buy all my friends their round of drinks etc. Then he moved in, and I found out he could squeeze a nickle till the buffalo poops, and rarely got up from his computer except to go to work and smoke. He took my company for granted for the next 3 years. Yes, I gave it that long because he kept telling me he understood what I was saying, and he would work on it. The compliance kept me hopeful. I had a very deep love and attraction for this man. So a very high tolerance to small things. I never complained much about small things. I told him to NOT worry about the toilet seat. I think it's funny when I don't look and fall in the bowl in the middle of the night. lmao.
He also had several very bad, hurtful addictions and was a convicted felon. I told him in the beginning what my boundaries were with porn, lies, betrayal, etc...he stepped over them all.
I did leave finally. But he is still after me. He says he wants to change, and gets impatient with me that I don't trust him now. wth?

I agree with one of the posters here that you have to roll the dice no matter what. You will not know what it's like to live with someone until you do. You can waste a year going slow to make sure it all fits, just to move in together and find out he's a big fat turd wrapped in a pretty paper. I don't like wasted time. I like to know right away who someone is inside. I don't want some fake crap to get used to just to have him pull out the con artist card.... And next time, if there is one, I will boot him out after 30 days of ignoring me.

Yes, that is sad. Men sometimes hide who they really are until you live with them. Women need to really get to know the man, test him out in many ways, the real self usually comes out in a few months, if you test him out. lol

Humans pretend a lot. It's something most if not all of us are guilty of.