really? I don;t think there isa negative perception about being friends - maybe being "friend zoned" as a guy knows then that the woman isn;t interested romantically

but the best romance starts with the foundation of a friendship I think which is why the friendship is important if you want something long term. I'd be cautious about a guy who dissed a friendship - he's a player then and not boyfriend material IMO

that would be my perception also if the shoe was on the other foot...

excuse my ditziness(please remember I havent been out in over a decade,,lol)



when you say 'interested' in,,can you explain that a bit further...

from my personal experience, I am totally capable of being 'interested' in more than one person at a time,,but at some point that 'interest' becomes more than just an interest


for example, had a friend who loved to dance, I was interested in him because he was cool to go dancing with


had another friend who was merely a friend, I had no interest in pursuing romance nor did he (to the best of my knowledge), I could totally depend upon him and trust him and talk to him about anything
of all my friends(of any gender) I had known him the longest(more than ten years)

had another friend who played guitar, I was interested in him because he had cool jam sessions

had another friend that knew my family a while, I Was interested in him because we spent alot of time in the same environment and he made ma laugh,,,

I wasnt intimate with any (initially) because we were only 'friends', we didnt even do the kissing thing during the 'friend' phase,, but once one became more than a friend (the family acquaintance),,, I cut out seeing all those other 'interests'. but not my friend who I had known for over a decade


do you think the average guy would have an issue with me still spending time (much much less time, obviously) with my friend of ten years? The family acquintance didnt seem to worry about it.

I dont like to generalise in such matters.guy/girl any opinionated person wont like to see anything that he dont like into/with his partner.

Now to my personal opinion I'll certainly expect my partner to be loyal in anticipation & equally interested in me.If I found she is much more interested in & attracted to anyone else by any means then it will be a worst turn off for me & I cant live with her any more if she isnt able to refrain herself from it.I'm a peaceloving person,I'll get away silently & will even help her if she wish me to in building new relationship with the person she want.

oh, I see.

hmmm, How do you tell when you have met someone who feels that way or someone (like me) who feels interested just means 'takes an interest in'

well we are generalizing a little in our responses probably - I know I am - for brevity sake

but it would probably depend on how well you know each other and the nature of the friendship - if my guy talked with an old family friend now & then and I knew about it....we had been introduced...we all all knew each other fairly well....that's different than him, say, striking up convos with random bar slags = totally unacceptable

so ya I think all situations are a little unique but at the same time, it doesn;t hurt to have general guidelines

My partner to be a tastefull person in cultured manner will be a great delight for me,She being interested / impressed with art,music etc. etc. upto being a fan level will be alright for me but if she wish to go beyond limit,she will have to lose me.

Being associated with me she must have found something interesting in me before,I'll certainly like to know (if she wish to let me know)what was that & is it not there now.I'll openly tell her my feelings that I've gr8 attraction for her & I expect her to be equally coupled with me,that her excessive emotional involvement with her friend is irritating me.If she is expecting any changes in me I will certainly try to excercise for the same; but if she is over & out then I'll guide her upto HIS GATE.

yup pretty much agree klc

but until the intimacy equation comes up (no pun intended ) I like to keep things on a friendship basis. To me it's the best way to find out what kind of person he is. Because in the situation I am in now, I am meeting and talking to men that I do not have any kind of history with - I'm new in town, new at my job.....so gotta make history where there is none...this is also true often online. We do not know the men we meet in any other context, and this places new importance on the friendship.

I look for: Does he gravitate to me, for example, even when we are not romantically linked? want to spend time with me even tho it might not - or probably won't mean sex? The sexual thing is big for me too, but I know he can get that anywhere. I want him to want it only with me because I have been his good friend to become his best friend, then

I respect that, and that type of communication would make it simpler. I just dont think most guys are communicating (or most girls) and they just expect the other to 'assume' certain things.

To go out with a guy that clearly indicated what he could offer and what he wanted, would be refreshing, and open the door for me to do the same so we wouldnt have to 'assume'.

I love this sweet,, especially 'want to spend time with me even tho it might not - or probably won't mean sex? '

thank you, and not that it will not mean sex eventually....once we have "chosen" each other. What I mean is, to me, sex means something special. I am very intense in that department. It's not meant for just anyone....or just any friend simply because we are friends.

and men are wonderful friends even if there is a double standard sometimes when it comes to sex. I think after all is said and done, double standard or not, a wonderful man-partner wants to know that HE is special as much as we girls want to know that we are special to our man

It all really depends.

If the guy friend is shy, dumpy and a eunoch...go get an ice cream, laugh and hang out.

If he is anything like me....I wouldn't trust him.

I think maybe an important factor here is individual trust

how much do you know and TRUST the person you are interested in,,,maybe there shouldnt be any romantic relationsihp if that isnt there first

lol,, I do expect my friends to respect my relationships and my partners,, so I would be correcting that if it happened,,,

same here - I mean theoretically this is how I feel about things but the reality is sometimes a little different....in an evolving romantic relationship I doubt any of us has a carved in stone timetable...or set of rule - particularly when thinking with the heart

How would you feel if noticed that your man is every woman's man? Weigh the odds from both sides

this is where the communication breaks down

I dont assume because a male spends time with me that he is 'my man'

do men assume spending time with them makes you 'their woman'?

Much less time obviously.

I think you answered your own question.

Some dudes will handle this situation with class. Others won't. Some will stick around for a bit in the hopes of getting laid, and then leave. Some guys will stick around and once they see what is happening, they will tell you they have a business trip in Kragystan. You'll never hear from that dude again. My point? Not all men will handle it in the same manner. Best thing you can do is date and stick to your own guns. Decide how you want to date and DO IT!

Well, move to my community, and we can discuss your issues over dinner.