If you go in thinking your going to fall, you probably will. If you go in thinking i need to hide because she/he is going to hurt me, then you might be the one who actually hurts themselves. If you go in believing in your faith in a person and their interest/love is as what you feel doesn't it stand to reason in the success?

These are just thoughts i am sitting here thinking. TURN OFF THE PINK FLOYD DUDE !!!!

Don't turn floyd off, TURN IT UP!!!!!!

People hold their hearts back because they don´t want to be hurt. They let the walls down when they get to know people better.

Yes, but if someone is going to assume everyone is like their exes of the past and going to hurt them again, they're going to push people away. I don't hold back, so if someone I'm into does, it might not work well.

Thank you grasshoppa, this is what i been trying to say. Everyone is a new person until you meet them, give them the chance to be themselves then understand them and accept them for that instead of approaching everyone you encounter in a reserved manner not allowing others to know you, much less appreciate or love you for you. I think there is a brunch spot left, just dont ask me to cook i am stuffed

well yes, I basically agree

but we all have our own set of individual experiences

if I fell in love with a man but he has been very badly hurt and wanted to go slow I'd be OK with that

I think I could understand his needing time to learn trust again...I think - hard to say for sure cuz I'm speculating - but I know I'd be willing to consider it because that is what love is

I do understand that. However, if someone was hurt enough to hide things about themselves upfront and not let me get to know them, they're probably not someone I'm going to want to date.

When I fall in love I give it all. I find it hard to hold back. But I'm cautious, that's not like holding back is it?

yes perhaps I understand the distinction...personally I do not care for being questioned to the point that the conversation does not seem natural - it's a huge turn off for me on a date

I mean things should flow more naturally to where he doesn;t have to quiz me for us to talk & have fun

- but yes he can't be too reticent to where conversation is impossible just because he is afraid to get involved again - prolly in that case - "he" isn't really ready to date yet

I guess I was thinking of the trust thing as more of a matter of his trusting you (or me) to not cheat on him for example - or spend his money needlessly, for example

I don't do the whole interview style conversation either. That turns me off as well. But, I also don't like when someone refuses to answer anything or discuss anything. If they hold back enough that it doesn't allow us to have a real conversation, it would be a turn off.

yes it would, definitely!!

a natural flow to the conversation is prolly a great indicator of compatibility!! Even if they've been hurt in the past - if u 2 are meant to be there will be a conversation flow that is natural and not contrived

The building of a relationship should never feel like an interrogation. And as part of that conversation you should feel able to trust what they are telling you. Again for me, i rather be up front all the way through and not hold back anything. I think it allows the other person the chance to see i am not here to hide from them. Wherever it goes it goes. If it becomes a blooming love then be thankful you found someone to love and share it with. But at the very least i believe it allows the relationship the chance to grow without feeling like someone is hiding themselves or aspects of their life from you.

We all want to love, kinda sucks if we tried to make it a You go first thing. I ll trust you after you shown me your trust worthy. I will tell her/him how i feel after they tell me because i don't wanna go first and be hurt.... Lol reading it makes you realize how childish it sounds.

Worst part, we are all probably as guilty as the next of this being us at some point in our life. I know i have been a fool in my life but i learned to ask myself the hard questions and even more difficult was when i had to understand that asking questions of yourself is useless when you refuse to answer them honestly.

Enjoy the day everyone. And may we all find that thing to help us smile in our hearts and let others smile with us.

Nothing.....no holding back....mo sectioning and compartmentalising...


I have stubbed my toe on steps a gazillion times...if I used the mentality many have hear, I would have only ever used a step once!


Life is about living, loving, learning, and growing UP.

YOU own your decisions, no one else....you own how you react to a situaton, no one else!

Throw out the expectations, and get living...suspicion, and fear based existing is so painful, small and isolating.

Live large, and love large.

A man walked through my door with a mutual friend almost three months ago...and is living full time, one hundred percent here, in my home, now our home, doing exactly what people are supposed to be doing..LIVING, LOVING, LAUGHING AND CELEBRATING this amazing moment in time.....I have no room for suspicion, games and fear....be real, be brave and be ALL of you.

it all depend on what they are holding back, for me when i say iam holding back it has nothing to do with secrets, but my heart, i don't have to give all my heart in love till iam sure iam in the right or safe hand.

Im most likely never outputting a %100.There is a level of vulnerability and fear. I have a nice big heavy duty, double enforced wall i use for protection. If a man loves me enough-he will have a magic chisel in which he will be able to get through that wall no problem. But like the SWORD n the STONE...there is that element of the right person..and once they work their magic on me, I will give them my all...

I was gonna type an essay out on when i break down my past relationships on when did i know i was in love etc. Instead i think this sums it up.

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love - and to put its trust in life."
-Joseph Conrad

"Life without love isn't living and living without loving you haven't yet truthfully been alive!"
— James Collins

Hopefully the next man to enter your heart and holds you will let you know that feeling of safety you been missing.
-- Robert!! !

All i can really say is right on. You and him are lucky to have found one another and i hope the best for you both.

I love you're honesty in questioning yourself. Only you can answer as to what you have given and have not.

I use to feel that way to. Finally i came to a point in life where i sat back n realized maybe i didn't always give me up front to women i was interested in, and they deserved more from me. By keeping that distance for whatever it was about me i felt i needed to protect, i later learned how wrong i was. I hid from my past instead of embracing it and saying hey i lived and learned that lesson. Which is why i guess talking about it in a forum comes easy for me. I accepted my faults long ago and have done everything i can to work at correcting them, and learning from them and sharing.

Keep , go bring some light and love into someones world woman !!!

Right to the point. I need to start doing this.