I found that many people looking for FWB are married or in a relationship. I also see more respect from friends than a relationship; but I am talking platonic friends. How someone can use a person strictly for sex puzzles me but I always felt I deserved more than to be treated as just a lay. JMO

I'm not sure what to think about FWB. Just sleeping with someone is hard. I have tried it(we called it FWB) and my feelings got involved no matter how hard I tried to keep that from happening. Even though I knew what I was getting into, I still felt hurt and empty when it ended.

this I essentailly agree with and I also think a lot of people really aren't sure what they want when they sign up....so if they sign up as wanting dating, for example, but end up doing a lot of intimate encounters, or, vice versa - they can make changes

but I think those into NSA ( the "pros " mainly) need to be very plain about that from DAY ONE - because it is possible to victimize unsuspecting partners

personally I hve gone back & forth between "dating" "friends" and "relationship" because I am not sure what the best decriptor is of what I want

I see nothing wrong with FWB as long as both people know that's all it is. I'll admit, yeah, I've been there (particularly with ex gf's) ..... But, hey. If you're both......um....wanting it and single, better with 'familiar territory' that you know where it's been than just anybody off the street.

I have them here, will send you one in a sec...

Really, I think it's great that you are honest..

You cannot be the only one who does not want to be commited right away, so as long as you both know what you are getting into , there really is no big deal.

oooh...luffs Aussie men...going to visit Josie to pick up my sign

Thanks people, that's given me quite a bit to think about!

Full disclosure: I have had two "friends with benefits" in the past who still remain friends, nothing more and nothing less, but without the benefits as they've found their respective Mr Rights. (And fellas; no, they weren't my FWBs or each others at the same time or place, so *that* didn't happen!)

I disagree with Navygirl who wrote:

I respected my FWBs as much if not more than my other friends; we chatted, we went out, we listened to and helped and were there for each other. That may not be the case for everybody; but wanting an FWB does not mean you automatically do not respect those people.

TattooedDude & fireflysgirl - let me know when the ship's finished! :)

Yup, the happiest times of my life were spent with friends, free of that dark stressful cloud of a relationship...Will let ya know before we set sail

yea we gotta get movin on building that ship firefly!

except there is realistically no familiar territory as u put it, that I'd sleep with again IRL, and I think it can be a red flag to potential NEW partners that a man/woman still sleeps with the "ex"

most people don't want to take on that drama, don't want to "compete" with the exes....so to speak

Wanting something is not a reason to do it necessarily.

It's been awhile since I've had sexual business going on, so I'm outta this thread

Friends with benefits... refreshing way to go on a modern type of relationship. Works well to some... failure to others. Whatever way, I think it's important that there's a clear mutual agreement and understanding between both parties.

hey firefly -g'morning - let me know when u leave for Australia

I guess I do disagree with the OP, and I think it is disrespectful - but honestly I would say what he had were relationships with or without the commitment - he had 2 girlfriends who left him for someone else so it may be a matter of meaning

as what I have seen of FWB - there's usually not a relationship like the one he described -I guess I have a hard time wrapping my mind around intimacy without some growth toward a relationship between partners for it to have any meaning- any thing else to me is casual sex and definitely I agree that people have to be honest about that

I also don't see a relationship as a dark cloud - if 2 people really love each other then their relationship is a place for growth, support, and freedom - as well as daily sex and showers I think the problems start when people try to control each other rather than discuss solutions in an adult manner

ya I should prolly take ur advice on that too

I know we don't agree on this topic and have had different experiences sweetest! Neither of my LTRs allowed for growth or freedom & I was the only supportive figure with either of them. Currently, my feelings about love & relationships is quite cynical to say the least! Seems like your price for loving someone is dealing with a crap-ton of senseless drunk/drug induced, crazy & likely criminal BS which is NOT at all appealing at this point in my life! Would love to experience a relationship where that wasn't the case, but for now I am not ready to be risky with my heart. I see nothing wrong with loving and respecting a friend enough to love on them if both are single and needing affection! It can be healing & allow for more trust & comfort than casual sex with a partner you don't know well.

yes removing drugs from the equation would make a big difference, but it can be hard to get beyond what u are used to and find a different kind of man

as for casual sex - it;s not like I'm an innocent school girl, but I felt used....even when the guy tried to comfort me and be close to me after the "deed" I pushed him away because it's so far from what is comfortable for me

I think it's wrong to ask anyone to go too far out of their comfort zone on any time table but their own. so I can say I tried it and it doesn't work for me...it's been ages since I have gone that route, and for reasons of my own

and then there's the issue of guys playing games, and as much as I love them - they play games BIG and lots more than women - as soon as a woman sleeps with a guy he is intersted mostly in who's next - I don't want to be a notch on that belt - and this is probably the biggest reason for my feelings about things( as far as respect)not because I'm the "moral police"

and that has been my experience - so you & I both are somewhat governed by the events that have been our truths before, I guess

Um, they didn't leave me, we just stopped having sex and I started hanging out with them and their boyfriends!


I agree with this. Most of the other FWBs I know personally ended up dating and going out. One couple are still together; I don't know if the rest are still friends or not.


The problem with casual sex is that it tends to happen without ground rules. FWB can give you a framework for that.
I've had casual sex that left me feeling cold and stupid and overexposed, and I never want to feel like that again. I certainly don't want to make anyone else feel like that either, or feel forced into doing something they don't want to do.

Very well said.