I guess it would all depends on how she took the differences. I am open to new ideas, but she has to accept that we are not going to see eye to eye on some things.

If she is religious and I am not, she can worship what ever she wants to make her feel whole inside...but don't expect me to do the same.

Things like abortion I consider a case by case thing, same with assisted suicide though.

Politics are going to not agree, the same parties do not agree with each other so why should a couple? It is good to get into healthy arguments. Some times it is fun just to pick the opposite side just to argue, if you do debate you learn that you are better at convincing if you choose the side that you do not agree with so you have to find enough to make you agree before you can make someone else agree.

About the only differences I see being a deal breaker would be smoking and/or telling lies. I do not smoke so I do not feel well around someone who does if we are that close. Then there also has to be trust in a relationship...

Well differences doesnt matter much to me, the thing that matters is love., it would be fun for me to date a women tottaly different from me, but she should truly understand me, oh n personality is a must.!

My experience is that differences matter down the line when the initial 'romance' stage starts turning into real life obstacles and challenges...

If at least one person is adaptable and able to tolerate ALWAYS being the one to adapt,, it can work

but if there are children, its a different story,,, I probably tolerated alot more before I became a mom again, now its important for me to consider the example I set for my daughter (how to live her life, what to shoot for in a relationship, how a man should treat her,,,etc,,,,)

This is the easiest fix. Try this...


Column A______________________________Column B

1.____________________________________1.
2.____________________________________2.
3.____________________________________3.

Now write down the 3 most important things to you about this person in column A, then write the 3 worst differences in column B.

Side by side do a calculated importance factor. If #1 in column A is more important than #1 in column B you scratch out column B's #1.

If atleast 2 column A items remain (majority rules) then this person would be a good match for you. If you concentrate on the important issues then the rest is just something to have make-up sex over :D

I feel like I should be doing statistical analysis here. With a pie chart.

to many differences will not work very long,walk away,,,,,,,go find some one thats closer to what ur looking for,,,,enjoy what u can,,,life is to short to be miserable

Having experienced this a few times.

If they are core beliefs and values, Its would take the work of both to make it work.
If its personality clashes, If they were both willing to work at it, it may have a chance.

But if only one would work on it-- move on, wish them well, and learn from the experience.

You can put up with an awful lot of s*** if the sex is good enough.

love conquers alot, but i have found while opposites may attract, similarities endure. i know you spoke of 'differences', not opposites, but you do have to determine if you're settling. which is never a good thing. unless, like krupa said, the sex makes all things possible.

As long as they don't try to change who I'm or what I like there are many things that can be worked out. I'm not into the Politics nor am I one that pushes Religion therefore I expect the same from the one I'm with.

If it is drugs either legal or illegal both can be abused beyond the point.

Life deals with moderation as long as they are not too extreme in how they view life and we can come to a compromise then things could be worked out...

Just because they don't enjoy the same foods as I do then we would have to find a place that has dishes we both like.

Just because I don't smoke and if they do then they should respect that they can smoke but be respectful and smoke outside and not in my house or car... Does not mean they can not smoke but find a happy medium in the situation.

No one is going to be the mirror image of another person we will all have different views or morals the point is learning to be respectful of the next person and how they see life as well.

Just because he likes to watch Football on Tv and I don't does not mean he has to give it up. Just that within that time I could either choose to join in or find something to do.

Small differences can be overcome but at times if there is a mountain that can not be..

yup I agree Goof. I also agree with krupa & bastet of course. I think a lot hinges on what the differences are and it's going to be a very individual thing to each couple

some things that one woman could not tolerate- say....a motorcycle...would be fine with me, while I prefer to avoid substance users because that was a huge issue in my marriage that caused innumerable problems, whereas another woman might not care about it that much - even if she were a non user.

I also do not want TV in my home, but I'm probably more negotiable there because there aren't any huge underlying negative experiences or associations with it - it's just my lifestyle and I could adapt on that issue....so...I'd say it 's a case by case thing that people have to discuss.

Keep in mind, many "habits" are worth giving up if you find someone who really will love you because that kind of love is rare - would I choose a cigarette, a joint, or a bottle of booze over a good man? HE-ll NO

So are you saying that you base the relationship on sex or that you are willing to put up with alot as long as the sex is great?

Well if love conquers alot, shouldn't it remain dispite differences and/or sex.

sleepless...IMO you can have love, but it takes more than that to make a relationship work.

I still feel love for the ex hubby and entertained the idea of a second chance, but over communicating the last few months I have realized that he will never be what I need due to differences in morals/values. Also, the trust issues, but my point is if when working out differences you feel like you must compromise who you are, then it isn't worth it not matter how strong the love or how good the sex is!

Differences are great to have in any relationships or friendships for
that matter. I have found that there are 2 topics that I don't discuss 1. Politics 2. Religion. Everyone believes in what they do and so do I for that matter. Most differences can be worked through by
simple understanding. I have got great imput from the members on this site and it's the differences that keep me coming back. If two people want a relationship to work then it takes both of them to do it, sometimes it just doesn't work even if the sex is amazing. Just my thoughts :)

it can always remain, doesn't necessarily mean you can or will be together. in fact, if differences are too much for one, the other, or both, resentment will eventually trickle in, it is then you find yourself having to decide if you stay (unhealthy) or remove yourself (healthy), either way, love can remain. and on the sex thing, i was just joshin, or jonesin, either way, i would never stay just for that. i don't think. ha!

I totally understand what you are saying. :)
I also know that it takes more then sex to make it work also. I would never think about going back for round 2 with my ex. Isolation is not my way of living. Hope you find the one you are looking for. :)

Well joking or not, that's the only reason why some do stay.

you are gonna LOL @ the message I just sent you :)

For me I need someone with a few differences

I am totaly unorganised, so someone who can put up with me and be organised is great.

I cannot deal with conflict , so someone who can is great.

but there are some things now that i am older i jut do not want in my life.

Drugs of any kind, alcohol and smoking are things that my ex was stuck on and I never want them inenear my life or my childrens again, so that would be a no goer.

anyone who was interested in anyone but me.

I believe in god and need that as well, I dont mean a religous zealot, just someone who believes,

I dont swear or enjoy it so would rather someone who could respect that in general conversation..


but anythhing else, I really dont mind at all. ( yes I know it was a long list)

But yep I would not be movable on the other things as they are how i live my life, so I would stay friends with anyone who used or did any of the above things but I would never let myself become attached.

Yep I am fussy but I have been married a few times to bad boys and dont ever want to be stuck in the muck again. It just didnt work for me.