I have been taking care of myself since I was 14, my background has forced me to be forward and keep fighting the good fight. When a guy talks to me, I seem to have it all together and they admire my strong personality. However, they are not attracted to it.

The guys that are attracted me, think that my forceful attitude and strong nature translates to the bedroom behavior.

I'm just the opposite. I'm just letting everyone know, it can be that way for a lot of people.

I just try to take care of myself and survive each day. It's called 'self-preservation'. That doesn't mean that people like myself want to be the boss of EVERYTHING.

When people make that misconception, they are usually in for a surprise or even a disappointment.

Fact is, majority of men do not want to "feel" (notice I said "feel") that they are being controlled by a woman. And, no matter what women say, in the guy community, this is the number one thing that we always look for in a woman. Will she try to control me? Will she want to dominate my life if we get serious? Will I really have to just always answer "Yes Dear"? And the fact is, even if a woman is passive in certain areas of her life, if she is controlling, or critical, or seems to always want to "make constructive criticism", it makes a dude weary and makes him want out (or to break it off before it even begins).

They can admire you for how strong you are. How you handle adversity. But when it comes to relationships, or even just dating, majority of men do not want a woman who THAT strong willed. It's fact, and since I know so many chicks who go through this, I can call this a "Goof fact". Haha!

It's really not that complicated..
we just make it that way

It seems complicated to me.

Goofy I definitely have down. Pretending to be a person who doesn't know what to do with herself...isn't that like lying to the guy?

You make it sound like guys aren't even willing to give a woman a chance b/c it 'might' threaten their masculinity. I guess i wouldn't want to be around a guy who was scared like that anyway.

It does threaten their masculinity...
they need to be needed

Oh...I still don't want to pretend to be something I'm not though.

I hear ya..I'm a strong and independant woman and I get tired of winning the arm wrestling matches and I'm not about pretending either...there is a balance, a delicate balance. Once found, it de~complicates itself...

Off topic: Men who want a controlling woman in bed creep me out.

On topic: Relationships are complicated. It's like trying to put two puzzle pieces together and make a good match, but they are both from different puzzles. You are still young, so I would guess that your chances of finding love are high. It's good for men to learn to take charge in any relationship (I am still trying to learn this lesson) and it's good for women to be more relaxed and flowing. It's the yin and yang of our natures. Yin (female) is soft and yielding, with a strong heart. Yang (male) is hard and strong, but with a soft heart.

Oh and welcome to the forums, I hope to see you around.

yeah...they creep me out too. I like the Yin Yang description. Maybe I'll just calm down a little. And thanks Spidercmb, I appreciate the welcome.

Too many woman think they can "fix" a man. Truth is, that is the worst thing they can do in a relationship. Women are getting better about this though....they've become more aware of it. Still, you don't know how many times I've listened to both men and women talking about something that simply boiled down to "her trying to change him".

Not every woman does this. Like I hinted earlier, there are fewer of them than there used to be, at least from what I've witnessed. But men are quite aware of that these women are still out there. Anyone who is strong or controlling is potentially a "Ms. Fix-It", and hence a turn-off to most men.

Now, I know women that are strong and argumentative, but they aren't controlling. They are just very opinionated despite being nice people. Some are actually very emotional too....like countering their own weakness by creating strength. And then there are others who are legitimately bi-polar and untreated. (Yup, known two of those too....both later were diagnosed and treated.) So, there are several types of women that get screened out by men based on the appearance of emotional strength or confidence. Obviously, some of them are unjustly filtered while others are a nightmare-waiting-to-happen if the man himself isn't strong enough and patient enough to handle her.

I don't know everything, but I hope this at least helps a bit.

I would love to be controlled, or at least for them to try. I could really respect a woman who would be up for that challenge. Meeting my match would be invigorating.

Oh wouldn't it though... I don't want to control, I like the yin/yang but it's so hard to find the "match"...

Oh that is so painfully true

I know *sigh*....

ITs complicated for anyone who has been doing it 'on their own' to trust enough to pass over any of that responsibility and authority to someone else,,,regardless of gender

men just arent usually expected to do so

I do it on my own, Id love to hand tht responsibility to someone else but too often people confuse that type of 'submissive spirit' for a doormat and they dont get that a mutual respect and appreciation is still necessary and possible

If I can do it alone, I dont intend to be walked on just to have a partner, but I will gladly share the burdens with someone who wants to see me as happy as I want to see them

I agree MsHarmony... I can't hand over responsibility but I'd love to meet someone that could handle it if I were able to hand it over and someone who could handle picking out a restaurant for dinner without complaining.. I make decisions and run things at work and at home, sometimes you just want to let go and enjoy...

In a way I am thankful that things are sometimes complicated. If two people absolutely know that they want to be together, working out problems together and learning more about each other should be a good thing.

I think that discovering who another person is, is the best part about meeting people.

It sure beats being in a relationship that you thought was golden and then finding out that the other person was'nt happy, but just never told you.

I guess I just expect people to be themselves and not one way or another.

That is cool. During the pioneer days some men liked women who could care for themselves. It meant that they could go hunting or fishing and not have to worry about their woman who was taking care of things at home.