This dude called in on Lex and Terry the other morning, seeking advice on how to deal with his In-Laws. The problem?

He likes to take care of his family. He is married to their daughter (of course) and they have one child. Now, the In-laws are being generous, and the guy knows that they mean no ill will towards him. They have money and want to buy things for their daughter and her family. Of course, since they are grandparents, they want to spoil their grandchild. But, what got this guy to call in was the fact that they bought their daughter a brand new car. She didn't want them to. They bought it for her. Paid in full. All that he has to do is insure it. He wasn't pleased with what they did, but he didn't know how to go about talking to them about buying things for his family. While his wife is their daughter, this is still that man's family.

I admit it is nice, every once in awhile, to receive gifts from parents. But this guy wants to take care of his family. And I can see his issue here. Just wondering if anyone else has had issues with this and what they did to resolve it. I mean, this could hinder a relationship or marriage.

Lex and Iam4u have a radio show??????

Wouldn't that be a riot if they did?

My in laws were a major contributing factor in my divorce. My ex chose them over me time and time again. Sorry, this issue never got resolved so I have no advice. But, I can say that it can severely damage a marriage.

i had a old bf
who i was with for a year
this was over 20yrs ago
his sister was married and her husband of course worked
the old bf sister would often ask him for money and of course he would give it to her.
i told him your not married to your sister it pisted me off for she was taking advantage of him
aparently the house that his sister and her family had lived in he bought for them.
he thought i was jealous, why should i be
his sister was nothing but a greedy "b"
his sister is now divorced from her husband for she cheated on him and now the guy she with doesnt have anything to look forward to but struggle she had a better home life when she was married but thats her fault.
her exhusband has the house and making better for himself
in fact i think i know now why he was drinking because of her.
he started getting help and now is doing much better even met someone knew

Well if the man wanted to take care of his family, I would imagine a new car would help. I would give the daughter my old beater and drive the new car. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.......

That is my thought too. It's one thing when you start off a marriage and you need a bit of help. Or you hit rough times and need help. But when the In-laws just keep throwing money at you and your family just cause? Yeah, that is going to lead to issues. Might take time, but problems will arise.

lmao...I wondered what the heck was going on at first too. I had to
read the post three times because I was stuck on the first sentence.




Helping is good, but there have to be limits, because yes...it can
ruin a relationship.

I want to hear Iam4u yell every other letter
on the radio!!

It sounds to me Goof, that this guys
attitude will be a generosity killer.

Sure it is a wonderful thing to look
out for your family, it is a given.
But others want to give gifts, to make
people happy. A gift is something that
says we like you enough to have gone
to the trouble..

To kill that generosity now will likely
make an awkward situation.
Trust will be lost.
Things could change in the future and
the guy might be glad of such help.
I don't see how his manhood is compromised.

I'll do it, as long as they let me plug my books....

Never had this experience yet, but based on the information in your post, I have to agree with Soufie. I don't see why this should affect the guy so much. Getting a car will not, in any way, diminish his capacity to take care of his family; and since he said he knew the intentions were all good, then the more he should understand.

If it really is that big of an issue to him, then maybe he can talk to his wife, then his in laws in a way that will not offend them. Looking at the situation with objectivity, I believe the gift or gifts were given out of love. Parents usually give their kids gifts because they love them so much and it’s their way of expressing it. For me, telling them not to do so is akin to saying, "Please don’t express your love for your daughter and grandchildren."

He must choose his words carefully. Off the bat, he can thank them for the gift and tell them how much they appreciate it. Talk to them in a calm, casual manner. Maybe suggest that instead of buying them things, they can just open an account for their grandchild and make regular deposits, so that the kid can use it in his future, i.e. College fund. He has the right to set boundaries, but get them involved. I think that would work best.

Maybe.

Wow I would hate to know if I won the lotto and wanted to buy my kids and grand kids things that their spouse would pout because he/she did not buy it... Shshsh I wonder if they had bought him all the new gadgets and tools that are out would he still complain?

They are doing it cause they have the money so what they are doing it while they are still alive instead let someone blow it away after they die... JMO

WINK!


This all depends on the intent.
A friend of mine has a father who is rather well off. He is always buying the kids and grandkids something extravagant, paying for exotic family vacations, etc. However, it never fails, there are always conditions attached and it all turns into a power play on the part of the father ... "after all I have ever done for you....."
A seven year old granddaughter did not take her new computer out of the box at Christmas because she knew "grandpa would just take it back when he gets mad".

Two of the grown kids are now out of state with their children to get away from the situation.
Granted, this is an extreme situation in that family.

If it was discussed and there were no hidden agendas or power plays and it was simply generosity from the heart, then that is a different story.
Some people have a hard time receiving gifts no matter the intent though.

It's sticky no matter what - the daughter 'in the middle', the feelings of the son-in-law and the in-laws. Hopefully they can have open dialogue and resolve it for the benefit of all.

he can always say "No thank you" and give the stuff back....

Ferrari

tell him to send the grandfolks over this way, I have two beautiful kids they could call grandchildren any day,,,lol

seriously though, Im kind of old fashioned and I think when a guy takes a girl from her family to make a family of their own, there is a reasonable expectation that he is not taking her to a WORSE off situation but maintaining what she is used to or better


if he married someone whose parents can afford this, why would he ask them to stop expressing themself with her and their grandkids the way they always have?

seems like a tempest in a teapot to me. I don't see a problem here except possibly a guy who is a control freak.

..i guess if getting all this nice stuff is such a burden..well... i guess you can just go ahead and give it to me...you don't have to thank me..i'm just that nice of a guy..wouldn't want any of you to feel burdened ..

an apt reply from someone with the screen name "tombraider"

ummm I'll take some of the loot too

It's the daughters responsibility to deal with her parents and set down the laws. If she agrees with him. The parents are manipulating the issue, but it's happening with the daughters consent.