IMO people sometimes enter into an intimate relationship before they have developed an emotional one. That in itself can complicate things.
If a split occurs qiute shortly after then people feel used.

I feel that if you both want to remain friends after you break up it can work-as long as there are no feelings of 'love' held about the other person.It may be better to take a time out first to get feelings into perspective and be totally honest with yourself(selves).

Really depends on how your relationships end's doesn't it?

Someone who betrays another is more than likely a friendship lost & probably not saveable. Just because one can forgive does not mean their heart ever forgets what you did.

A couple who drift apart may be able to look back and know the others still a good person, just you both took different roads and you both shared blame in its dissolve. Does not mean you can't be friends and wish them happiness.

Sometimes we turn around and no longer see that person in the same light after time has been given a chance to show you that relationships direction (Friends or Separate ways).

And attraction can be controlled once you understand your heart.

Good luck Dude

When my ex and I first met,I said men and women can't be friends if one of them has an attraction for the other, well he felt opposite. So after almost 3 years together the relationship just ended. There is no way we can be friends because we both have a physical attraction for each other still and it would only complicate matters. So the best thing was to go our separate ways and wish each other the best.

Well, I can only say what works for me and those I know. I have definitely been able to stay friends with those I've dated in the past. I also have friends who have been able to do the same. Does it happen every time? Of course not.

Though, what works for me may not work for you. If not staying friends with those you date works best for you, then don't stay friends with them.

to me, dating and being in a relationship are two very different things. if two people are simply dating it makes things much easier. I was referring to the end of ltr’s, which can be far more difficult to handle and seldom result in amicable ends.

Hm maybe trying to stay friends with your ex could complicate a new relationship. Dont think your new girl is going to like it if you tell her"i am still at my ex gf home, see you later."

Yes, I meant relationships as well. Not casual dating.

same

except in passing - civil

as for remaining friends, think of how that is going to be perceived by potential future partners...

I like to see that my partners have a good relationship with their exes. It suggests to me that they might be mature, caring people with good communication skills, who are in the 'relationship' as a whole for more than just romantic and sexual gratification. Of course, I also like to see that everyone is giving each other as much space as they want - a jealous, controlling, overly-involved ex-boyfriend is a definitely red flag. But simply being close, open, good friends with an ex is a good sign imo. Bonus points if the qualities their ex-boyfriend demonstrates shows good judgement.

I've also met many other women who feel the same way. They see the way I am with my exes, and they know that I really care, that I really invest myself deeply into relationships like that, and that I can sustain a close friendship through all the phases of a relationship - including post breakup. Its reassuring to some women.

I really like your post. Does one actually have to have a friendship with someone to have a relationship it made me think of. My ex's address to me was the same coming into the relationship with her as coming out of the relationship to her. Her term of endearment to me was, "Hello, stranger." So for me I am trying to answer your question as it relates to me. Early on in forums I was informed by ladies that one should start relationships with friendships. So for me that lets me know where I messed up in the beginning. Since my ex and me were never really friends even though we had two kids together it was some kind of twisted logic that we ever came to be in a relationships. So the question of, "Can't we still be friends?" is kind of funny to me. I mean my question would be, "When were we ever friends to begin with?" "How can be we be something that were never something to begin with?" But that very question might be why we got remarried even though after the second marriage we still wasn't friends. So the second divorce answered the question for me. "Evidently not." This is my light. I hope it shed some light.

yes I suppose as with most things we have our individual views - to me involvement with an ex woulod not leave adequate time for moving forward and I do not care for the involvemtn of exes in my life

I see the type and level of involvement you describe as possible a litte too busibodish coming from an ex - with no clear sign that things are over

I think it is very important to allow an ex to move on with his or her life by being absent from it - except in passing

and I do not find it at all attractive when a man remains involved with an ex on a regular basis. I find it seems controlling, unwilling to let go, and a little pathetic

but that's just me. I would not turn down a man who had a positive attitude toward an ex, but if he was regularly involved in her social or family life, I doubt I'd get involved. I want HIM not who he used to be and the people that went with that

stepkids are slightly different story, but I would want someone who did not want close regular contact with the kids' mother - just a preference based on my own comfort level and my need to feel that my partner is devoted to me - not to his past

If someone was going to be jealous of me being friends with an ex, I'd have to see how that goes. Someone telling me that I am not allowed to see certain people,such as an ex, is a red flag to me. If that was the case, the jealousy would probably get in the way.

I personally am friends with all of my exes but 2... the thing is... the ones i'm not friend with are the ones who i was in serious relationships with... Its too hard to move forward with the person i loved very present in my life... once the feelings die down, i probably would like to be friends with them too, tho... at least one of them... becasue we were friends before everything... and were better friends then romantic partners... that's just me though...

Well there were feelings on my end. I didn't feel it as it was the first time we were a couple, and the changes in attitude was the same the second time round only when commitment became part of it...I now don't have any feelings residing or want of a friendship. the friendship can't work as when I was with other women she always would make it clear we were ex's and be inappropriate claiming we were good friends still. time has passed I am still getting random messages on various dating sites although blocked from various communication resources from this woman maybe its just her but its not a problem I want to revisit. I will be more open with my thoughts on this with my upcoming dates and so forth as things progress, im still learning my likes and dislikes in women and learning how to find red flags as you put it for myself too ... live and learn i suppose

I am friends with all of my exes with the exception of the abuser but it did not happen right away. I think when the relationship is first ending things are a little raw and tough to deal with but gets better with time.

You really know when you are over someone when you are able to sincerely hope they find a happy loving relationship elsewhere with no animosity from you.

and to me that kind of involvement would be a red flag

I don't think jealousy is the concern so much as reality & respect

and "his" desire to direct energies toward the future, but definitely signs that a former relationship is not fully in the past is a red flag to me



but I agree - we cannot tell each other who to associate with - just like we can't tell each other how to spend our money or what movies to rent

I would look for pre-existing compatibility on the subject - a man who really had nothing substantial happening with exes already & who wants to put his relationship with me first for his own reasons (once things get to that point)- I want to be a girlfriend, not a mother or watchdog < won't do that

Ok well that also a different way of looking at it to...hmm so many views that are all so unique ok on this part,
What kind of things would rise suspicions that it is not just friend ship with an ex, and how can jealousy be dealt with in a manner that would give both parties satisfaction with out being a watchdog or too passive on it?

Speaking for myself, just because I'm friends with exes does not mean that the relationships are not fully in the past. Now, of course I can't speak for everyone when it comes to that kind of situation. But, I don't think you can assume that anyone who is friends with an ex isn't past the relationship.

simply start by not behaving in a manner that will make your partner jealous, and remain concious of this

and I don;t deal with ex drama - won't - as follows>

I assess things as I get to know a new partner....while dating do they answer calls from their ex, do they visit their ex for no reason? And no, I am not going to tell a man not to do those things. But as we are getting to know each other, if he does those things the relationship he has with me will most likely not progress

if the ex is bothering him when she has been asked not to - by him- then I would not hold that against him. I mean was she a complete nut job???? So I think we need to qualify by saying that the split was / was not amicable and the effect of that counts too

and rereading through here, first, I think there is room for interpretation as what u consider to be "friends" with an ex....what is acceptable there/or not

yes, I do assume that.