>> Raising Venison or why woman live longer than men.....
>>
>>
>>
>> I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed
>> it
>> up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
>>
>> The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.
>>
>> I figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem
>> to
>> have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come
>> right
>> up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not
>> 4
>> feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and
>> toss a bag over its head (to calm it Down) then hog tie it and transport
>> it
>> home.
>>
>>
>>
>> I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
>> cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They
>> were
>> not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up...3 of
>> them.
>> I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the
>> feeder,
>> an! d threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I
>> wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a
>> good
>> hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it
>> was
>> mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards
>> it.
>> It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an
>> education.
>>
>>
>>
>> The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there
>> looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when
>> you
>> start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
>>
>>
>>
>> The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
>> stronger
>> than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight
>> down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance.
>>
>> That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no
>> controlling
>> it and certainly no getting close to it.
>>
>>
>>
>> As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it
>> occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an
>> idea
>> as I originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as
>> much
>> stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not
>> nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get
>> up.
>> It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by
>> the
>> blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
>>
>>
>>
>> At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to
>> get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just
>> let
>> it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and
>> painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me
>> and
>> that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess
>> that the feeling was mutual.
>>
>> Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
>> cleverly
>> arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large
>> rocks
>> as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to
>> recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of
>> responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to
>> have to suffer a slow death. I managed to get it lined up to back in
>> between my truck and the feeder...a little trap I had set beforehand.
>> Kind
>> of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up
>> so
>> I could get my rope back.
>>
>>
>>
>> Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
>> have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when
>> I
>> reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
>> Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where
>> they
>> just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head
>> almost
>> like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do
>> when
>> a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried
>> screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like
>> the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely
>> only
>> several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be
>> questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing
>> the
>> beJesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled
>> that
>> rope loose.
>>
>>
>>
>> That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer
>> will
>> strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back
>> feet
>> and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are
>> surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time! ago that when an animal like
>> a
>> horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the
>> best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move
>> towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so
>> you
>> can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such
>> trickery would not work.
>>
>>
>>
>> In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I
>> screamed
>> like woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told
>> NOT
>> to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a
>> good
>> chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so
>> different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three
>> times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the
>> back of the head and knocked me down.
>>
>>
>>
>> Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately
>> leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What
>> they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you
>> are
>> laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally
>> managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
>>
>>
>>
>> Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split
>> open, I
>> had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt
>> broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding
>> in
>> a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from
>> most
>> of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op.
>> I
>> got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell.
>> The
>> guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out
>> yelling
>> "what happened"
>>
>>
>>
>> I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an
>> individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they
>> have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law
>> enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned
>> that
>> they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as
>> criminal. I swear....not wanting to admit that I had done something
>> monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was
>> attacked by a deer." I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on
>> it.
>> The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket
>> where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where
>> it
>> had struck me there.
>>
>>
>>
>> I asked him to call somebody to come get me...I didn't think I could make
>> it
>> home on my own. He did.
>>
>>
>>
>> Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted > to
>> know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing
>> and
>> wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the
>> attack as completely and accurately as I could...I was filling the grain
>> hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the
>> hell
>> out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.
>> EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the
>> co-op
>> has a big mouth).
>>
>>
>>
>> For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw
>> deer
>> around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their
>> feeders.
>> I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody round here. I
>> have
>> to see these people every day and as an outsider...a city folk"...I have
>> enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and
>> whispering "there is the dumb-ass that tried to rope the deer.
>>
>>
>>

roflmao