100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Being the other woman? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Ummmmmmmmmmm.......oh never mind. I already got warned twice this year for posts.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ummmmmmmmmmm.......oh never mind. I already got warned twice this year for posts. Twice this year? You should be ok then... LOL... Tessa, I'm confused you said you "hit it off right off the bat and moved in together" but then you say "he lives with your childhood friends and roommates" and now he's moving back home? Maybe I'm mis-reading it but that's very confusing... Regardless, unfortunately darlin' when we make decisions we must accept the consequences of our decisions... I think that it's true, when one chooses to be with someone otherwise involved and they do not end it before being with a new person, then you can pretty much count on the fact that the have little integrity and won't think twice about doing it to you... We always have to ask ourselves "what makes us different"... If she's as wonderful as he says she is then he has no discretion and he'll do it again to you... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Back when I was a teenager I'd been with married men. Now, at 43 I've gotten myself involved with a man who was in a relationship for 5 years & planned to marry another woman. I met him at work through a childhood friend & we hit it off & moved in together right off the bat. Innitially we just got together out of loneliness. Then it turned into more than we planned on. After 2 months of ignoring his fiance he finally called her tonight & broke it to her that he'd found another woman (me) & wanting to end it. He says I've been what he's wanted all his life. I see the pain he's going through & it's tearing me apart. I'm worried if things doesn't work out with us he'll always blame me for their breakup. He's traveling on the road for work & I've planned on uprooting & going on the road with him. He makes good money, treats me like a queen & I don't have to ask him for a thing. Right now him & my childhood friend are all living under the same roof. He's leaving in a week or so going back home to end it permantly & I'm worried she'll convince him to go back to her. Being the other woman isn't what I planned on but, it happened & now I'm afraid of losing him. He loves both of us & doesn't want to hurt her. But, he knows he can't have us both. Anyone with any experience with this type of relationship? I'm way over my head & don't know where this will end. They don't call them 'triangles' for nothing. Because everyone has their own angle in these affairs, they often don't end well. People are often too territorial to acquiese without a fight, and there may well be more agendas here that you're counting on. Besides, he may be playing you both. -Kerry O. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Ruth34611
on
Thu 12/30/10 07:33 PM
|
|
Walk away from the whole mess and start all over with someone entirely new. (After you go to therapy for a year and explore the reasons you would get involved in something like this in the first place.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It's a tough situation to be sure. People do fall in love and sometimes it is messy. It is absolutely possible to be in love
with more than one person at a time. So he may well love you both and in different ways. Do not be afraid that he may choose her over you. If that is his choice, then it will be fine and you will find someone else eventually. If his relationship with the other woman fails then it was not meant to be either. All you can do is be loving and kind and understanding and you never know. Sometimes everything just works out. But if you are strong, supportive and true to yourself then you will be able to face any hardship and also will be able to love another. Allow yourself to accept his love if he can give and allow yourself to accept reality if it turns out that he cannot continue the relationship with you. In any love relationship, it must be mutual and it doesn't always stay that way...but sometimes it does. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All of you have made some very valid points & I appreciate those who just told it like it is & didn't try to sugar coat it. That's exactly what I was looking for. To clear up some confusion I'd just gotten out of an abusive relationship & I got reaqainted with a friend from school that I hadn't seen in about 30 years. He introduced me to his friend. Not that he planned on us getting together. Eventually we moved in together. His daughter is going into the hospital next week & he's got to go back home temporarily to be with her. She's 12 & has a terminal illness & his only means of paying the bills, etc is a life on the road working. It tears him apart to be apart from his children (divorced from their mother). But, he can't support them financially with the wages he receives back home. He's felt an obligation to his GF back home & thought she was the woman he really wanted to spend his life with until we met. He's never lied to me & I knew upfront. At the time the GF meant nothing to me now I realize she's a human being just like anyone else & yes I do have remorse...a little too late I might add. I know this sounds terrible but, I wasn't in the right frame of mind when I entered this relationship & now I'm paying for my choices.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Seriously doll.
No one here wants to see you or anyone suffer. There is no positive end to this thing. The use of emotions reguarding the children or finances or anything that is not directly pertinent between you and him (lovewise) is simply manipulation tactics to keep you on a string and will continue to allow him to use you as an option. When you realize that you are being used and still maintain the relationship, that is when it is no longer his fault...(a piece of s**t will always be a piece of s**t)....only you can allow yourself to be used. I fully realize that all of these opinions will be disreguarded....(patterns repeat and this one is gonna go until someone is completely devastated) I can only offer up what I have been forced to do in the past to protect myself and others.... Disconnect the dots...walk away...never look back. EVER. No second chances. No forgiveness. No pity. No mercy. Put it in the past and leave it there to start fresh without the baggage. Wish there was a way to push a magic button and solve it for you but, as long as you allow the problem back in your door...you will continue to be your own worst enemy. |
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Allaboutmetoo
on
Fri 12/31/10 07:26 AM
|
|
Seriously doll. No one here wants to see you or anyone suffer. There is no positive end to this thing. The use of emotions reguarding the children or finances or anything that is not directly pertinent between you and him (lovewise) is simply manipulation tactics to keep you on a string and will continue to allow him to use you as an option. When you realize that you are being used and still maintain the relationship, that is when it is no longer his fault...(a piece of s**t will always be a piece of s**t)....only you can allow yourself to be used. I fully realize that all of these opinions will be disreguarded....(patterns repeat and this one is gonna go until someone is completely devastated) I can only offer up what I have been forced to do in the past to protect myself and others.... Disconnect the dots...walk away...never look back. EVER. No second chances. No forgiveness. No pity. No mercy. Put it in the past and leave it there to start fresh without the baggage. Wish there was a way to push a magic button and solve it for you but, as long as you allow the problem back in your door...you will continue to be your own worst enemy. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All of you have made some very valid points & I appreciate those who just told it like it is & didn't try to sugar coat it. That's exactly what I was looking for. To clear up some confusion I'd just gotten out of an abusive relationship & I got reaqainted with a friend from school that I hadn't seen in about 30 years. He introduced me to his friend. Not that he planned on us getting together. Eventually we moved in together. His daughter is going into the hospital next week & he's got to go back home temporarily to be with her. She's 12 & has a terminal illness & his only means of paying the bills, etc is a life on the road working. It tears him apart to be apart from his children (divorced from their mother). But, he can't support them financially with the wages he receives back home. He's felt an obligation to his GF back home & thought she was the woman he really wanted to spend his life with until we met. He's never lied to me & I knew upfront. At the time the GF meant nothing to me now I realize she's a human being just like anyone else & yes I do have remorse...a little too late I might add. I know this sounds terrible but, I wasn't in the right frame of mind when I entered this relationship & now I'm paying for my choices. We all eventually pay for our choices. I truly wish you nothing but the best and emotional healing to never be in this situation again. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It sounds like you knew in the beginning that he was involved with another woman. Sorry, but I have no sympathy for those who get involved with people like that.
Walk away from the whole mess and start all over with someone entirely new. (After you go to therapy for a year and explore the reasons you would get involved in something like this in the first place.) and because u just got out of abusive relationship is no excuse.been there done that,and i still didn't go after another woman's man.never have and never will. U should have made sure that he was out of the relationship first before having anything to do with him. besides he did it to her he'll do it to u. I think that the other woman is getting the better deal if he breaks it off with her. Just remember in the future to find your own man and stay away from men that our already in relationships of any kind. ok have said my two cents. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Just. Walk. Away. When you're coming out of an abusive relationship you are even more vulnerable then someone who hasn't. I've even been in a similar situation as you....and believe me you need to heal yourself first. Do not get involved...you will hurt yourself in the end, perhaps even hurt someone else. This isn't the basis for love or for a good healthy LTR.
|
|
|
|
|
