the matter wid us is were humans ....our primitive istincts kick in as we try to find da suitable partner...but there will always be conflict for our primitive selfs...da truth is lust is wat makes a man or women do deceit...if ive heard a man love two women..it will never be da same love for both of them...for the woman thought kicks in and makes da man regret...and vice versa for da woman...but y trully do we cheat..is it for looks ...sex...or we still searching for that true love

Because we're evolutionary programmed to do it. Men have a built in desire to have sex with as many women as possable. This works for men because he can spread his genes with a number of partners, therefore increasing his genes long term survival.

Women on the other hand cannot increase the number of offspring by having a more partners. So, they go for high quality. Maybe she's not attractive enough to keep a high quality man of her own, but she may be able to attract one for a short term romp. Then she can trick her long term partner into thinking her child is actually his. Or, if she has a number of partners, none of them can be sure if they are the father or not and will all contribute the the child's well being.

But, none of us have to cheat. It is a choice we make. But, the desire to cheat is built into all of us.

Humans are more than biology and evolution.

Having sex with multiple partners when in a supposed committed relationship is a choice, not something out of a person's control.

you guys this is pretty sick, and has not been my experience, really. The quality men I have had in my life were for the longer relationships (17 years, 5 years)-which contradicts your theory

If there is not an agreed upon commitment- someone is not your partner, then u r still playing the field. Most of the "dsicussion" again, in my expereince, about "cheating" is when there has not been adequate (or any) discussions about when there is a commitment to see just that person. (Still, personally, once I'm seeing someone, I don't usually see anyoen else unless it doesnt work out - serial monogamy and from what I have read on here - a lot of people on here are sort of like that too)

Other kinds of cheating of course happen, but the reasons r usually more like the person is just a jerk, or their relationship is not fulfilling their needs and basically over anyway. Some stupid primal need to propagate seed is no reason. join a garden club,

it's easy. people cheat because they have poor character, and are weak.

strong people of good character end relationships that are not working for them, but they are honest with their partner - and have the personal character to behave in a honest and direct way. They tell their partner that they are not happy, and they are ending things and moving on. THIS is normal, healthy, strong and of good character.

weak people of poor character end relationships that are not working for them, but they are NOT honest with their partner, have poor character such that the sleep with a new partner to satisfy their needs (physical, emotional, spiritual) and decieve their old partner until they feel they can transition to the new relationship without pain. THIS is not normal, not healthy, weak and of poor character.

People that say "becuase it is human nature" - are immature, and un-able to be honest with themselves and their partners.

If you wanna be with multiple people, be honest with yourself and your partners and tell them, "I am only intrested in sex", or "I am only intrested in emotional/spiritual bonding"...

The problem is, the weak poor character people do not have the ability to be honest, so they find someone who wants monogamay, and they tell them "I am looking for a relationship" when all they want is their own needs met - and have no true interest in a realtionship at all...

As for the folks who say it's based on "fear", fear is a driver, but it's simple - they are afraid of being alone. Their poor character cannot sustain them solo. They are lying to themselves about who they really are, and they fear being alone with that lying, cheating, immature manipulator that they "fear" to admit to themselves....

*sigh*

$.02

I think it's lack of respect.

I said the DESIRE to cheat is programmed. I also said we are free to make the choice to cheat or not. What I mean is we will always feel an attraction to others. That part isn't a choice, it happens before we have a chance to think about it. But, how we act on that attraction is up to each person.

I agree with Tex. The desire will probably always be there.

i think theres a point where your just not happy with her or him and want to fill that void of feeling wanted weather it be mentaly or physicly

I think it is because we can rationalize and justify anything.

there is a saying here, "a man in love only has eyes for one woman", I think its true for women as well...cheaters only love themselves...

Well said, well said i have to agree.

I agree with the need to communicate, but disagree about considering it cheating if you have not actually formalized that you are in a relationship with the person. There are plenty of people who seem to think a few dates makes one exclusive, and woe the person if they go out with someone else. Unless you discuss it, and figure out where the both of you stand, its unfair to label the person a cheater.

That said, I find that once I and the person I'm with go exclusive, the threat of castration if he cheats works quite well. Being a farm gal definitely has its benefits, and knowing how to use a sharp knife, a crimper, or an elastacator has its benefits. To my knowledge, I've never been cheated on.

why we cheat????????

this is a question that has follwed through the generations....

there are all kinds of answers....


validation from the oppisite sex

not happy in relationship

spite/revenge


not caring

I mean we even have a television show called "Cheaters!".....thats how common it is!!!!

plus its even waaaaay on the upswing due to sites like this!(sorry but true)


we live in a crazy world......

all u who say cheating is programmed, better rethink this.

Why do people cheat on one and another? Because the cheater is too lazy to work on a commited relationship. So they move on to another that might fulfill their ideals of what they want in a partner. Simply, cheating is an excuse for laziness in a give me world.

I want to clonk heads when I hear folks spouting off saying that one person cheats because they are not getting what they want out of a relationship. DID they give as much or more than they got emotionally? Probably not. Did they try to work on that relationship to make things better for both partners? Probably not. Did they communicate any problems with their partner? Probably not. See, Lazy.

men cheat cause they see and meet a woman like 'Lassie' from the movie porky's


women cheat cause its all about "Mike Hunt" also from the movie porky's.....

That's angel food cake. You touch her and the Food and Drug Administration will get ya for ****ing food.

People cheat for many reasons. Let's look at some.

(1). You begin to date someone, and you "think" you like them. So, you become exclusive, think you are happy, but after a couple months you begin to lose interest. You keep telling your partner that you aren't, but the truth is that you are already looking at someone else. You then decide that you don't want to go through the drama of a break up, and so you cheat, and you like it. So, you keep cheating and then your partner finds out. You lie of course, but the truth is out there. You still go through drama, but now it is much more worse than you ever could've imagined. You leave your old partner to go and be with your fling. More then likely, the fling will fizzle out too.

(2). You say you like a person, say all the right things actually. And, before you know it, you are involved with them. You didn't intend for it to happen, but you go along with it. But, what your partner doesn't know is that you are also seeing another (hell, maybe even a couple others) because...well...you just like em all and you feel you can manage this. Oh, but then it comes crashing down. They all find out about each other, and the best you can hope for is to not get murdered.

(3). You are married, and you do love your spouse. But one day, this new person comes along that starts to make you have lustful thoughts. You know it is wrong. You know you love your spouse. And yet, you can't stop thinking about this other person. And so, as luck would have it, you go to the bar and see said new person. A few drinks, a little bit of truth, and next thing you know, lustful fantasy comes true. Moment of weakness? Nah. You simply gave in to your lusts when you knew better.


The point here is this. People cheat for various reasons. Not one clear identifier as to who will cheat. I have a cousin who was dedicated to his wife for years, and he cheated. I asked him why and he admitted that he lost focus on fixing things with his wife and allowed his lust to take over. Since this time, he and his wife have fixed things. Just my thoughts though.

Here's what's coming up next week on Dr Goofball.....