So I get this note on another site from a woman who makes it clear that she's interested, BUT....

"I have a 23-year-old daughter, but I don't consider her a kid."

Hmmmm. How does that work, exactly? Is she a table? An archipelago? An urban legend? A fashionable line of woman's casual wear?

I have two flat things at the ends of my legs, but I don't consider them feet. Perhaps they are wombats. I hope so.

The person is minimizing one of your deal-breakers to "seem" more appealing, while at the same time announcing the she is NOT interested so she rejects you first.

This is a veiled manipulation to inspire a conversation to find out whether you are steadfast in not wanting kids. If you reply by saying, "oh, grown kids are OK," then she might have an "IN" with you. If your reply is ... "so, you still have kids" ... then she still rejected you first. Being the one to "reject" another FIRST seems to be a competition among some people for the sake of mitigating their hurt ego.

I received similar emails all the time. My reply (generally) is, "Children are children regardless of age, and a family lifestyle is of no interest to me." (I wish you well blah, blah, blah).

Emails, like this, are simply tests for others to explore a persn's loyalty to their preferences.

some people use 'kid' as a distinction from 'adult'

I am forty and my mom doesnt consider me a 'kid' anymore either, since I was eighteen and she was no longer 'responsible' for me

Thanks, Melody! I have been on the receiving end of the "I have kids, but it doesn't matter since they're already grown and out of the house or soon will be" arguments before (most notably a very scary and adamant stalkerish one a couple years ago), but I've never seen one worded like this ("I don't consider her a kid") before!

Can I use your "Children are children" response as posted above? It's quicker and makes a lot more sense than the way I was trying to explain it to them!

Perhaps she was referring to the term "kid" as in a baby goat? have you deviated from Llamas, Lex? hehe...

(not sure if this link will work)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3oSyr8mHY4

Ask if the daughter would be interested in dating you. Haha!

Yeah, and I can see that from a chronological perspective. You're 23, you're not technically A kid. But you're still SOMEBODY'S kid.

Maybe I haven't been specific enough, but I really thought "I'm not interested in dating anyone who has kids or wants kids" was pretty clear. Apparently, some people consider the age of the kid to be a loophole. I don't see it that way.

I think Melody actually summed it up the best, as demonstrated above!

well me i dont like to date men with kids..thankfully my boyfriend doest have any kids with any of his exs..

but on the other side of it,my mom has always called me "kid" and when my parents were dating she told my know father about me..i guess it depends what you want and what the situation is?

Lex, of course you can use my wording.

I want to point out that I am not using that wording to be insulting. My meaning is to remind people with kids, that regardless of how old their children are, they are still their kids and with that comes a certain amount of baggage and responsibility that I choose not to invite in my life. I’m sure there are many people who are happy to date other people with kids (a better fit for them). I wish all of them well – I’m just not one of them.

Not only did it work, it worked perfectly! (I particularly liked the inclusion of Homer's "d'oh!")

8022 people have watched it....!

I still like llamas but they don't send me weird internet messages (yet)....and goats are fine as long as I don't have to be one!

I'm not gonna lie, that was actually my first thought!

just my two cents on how it gets lost in the translation,,

alot of people do mean young children when they say they dont want someone with kids, I felt that way once because I didnt want the added responsibility. I feel once they are out the house, their relation is no more relevant than if they were a cousin or an aunt or a best friend in relationship to my relationship with the parent

they are still independent adults that wont be my responsibility

I havent gone to disneyland and been permitted to ride 'kids' rides because I am 'somebody's kid'

I doubt its anything but a difference in translation, wouldnt make much out of it ,,,,,but thats just me

well how come Lex.....Alot of people wonder...I'm gonna ask....


ok I can see ya not wanting the pitter patter of little feeties runnin around ya all day and night.....

or a womens attention only half yours.....

but...

why not...when they are older and out of the house..with lives of their own....

Is it ya just dont like the whole family unit thing goin on....

ya dont like a womens "post preggo" body....

The kids just aint yours....so screw a relationship....

I never heard your reason



talk to me.........

It's really just preferences in the end, I think....and we've all got them, and there are probably reasons for them, but....does that part even really matter?

I don't know. I guess I really wasn't as clear about it as I thought I was.

The argument I've heard most often is "They're gone now."

But the reality is that, even when they're gone, they're not REALLY gone. That's been my experience, anyway. I think it's actually more about the mindset than the physical existence of offspring.

Yeah. At 23, she is trainable. Haha!

well everyone does have preferences......


we have them for a reason....


my preference is a man with older kids...way outta the house...no chance of runnin back


my reason is because I want a man all to myself (I dont even want my kids all up in our biz-haha)

If my mom were to start dating again she could also say she has kids but really I'm an adult. I don't live at home and she does not support me.... what difference could it possibly make to someone she dates?

I see what you are saying, but grown children are still CLOSE family. They can cause baggage, drama and interruption to a relationship. Just because they are grown and purportedly "independent" doesn't mean it's true.

What if they are in college? That “child” is still dependent (usually). What if a grown child leaves her husband – and she and the 3 kids want to move back with the parent?? Eek!!

Don't get me started with grandkids??? Sometimes grandparents end up being parents all over again if their "child" can't take care of them.

These are examples I can think of that reinforce my avoidance of "family issues" I don't want in my life.

I have two sons 25 and 19. Neither one of them live with me. That doesn't mean that I don't have children. I will always have children which someday may mean that I have grandchildren. Even with my sons having lives of their own I will still have family obligations. For a woman to say I have a daughter but she is grown is like my sons saying I have a mother but she doesn't live with me.

With all the people out there looking for love, I would never want to make someone conform to my life. It only makes for resentment. I happen to like having a family so I would be best suited to be with someone who shared those same feelings

You have stated you don't want children or anyone with children---I really don't see how you can make that any clearer!