Ruth is really very nice. She had a difficult break up herself. She has lots of friends on here! I think the stresses we have in life sometimes make us all more negative at times tham we really are overall

Is that a prophecy?

Agreed!

Luv the picture! And, thanks!

Since you chose/had to move away when your son was seventeen I got a feeling he has gotten a lot of confuseing feed back. Some of that may be current if his fiance is not getting wise counsel from her friends and peers or your son. Sadly a lot of preduidce is out there against non-custodial parents.

Distance should not be a big factor. Not always do people have a lot of choices where to land after a family crisis. That you moved on with your life and stopped the push pull and hysteria of divorce may have distance your relationship but doesn't sound like it ended it so rebuilding is still good but not hopefully punishing.

People who have not been in your shoes will have plenty of things to say about that but there are many of times that is the best thing to do. Disrupting a 17 year old from his decent friends is a sure fire trigger to trash any focus he may have on school, getting a job and planning a future and looks like you spared him that. Generally speaking I think a boy needs a Dad then terribly. My sons lost their's at 15 (to death) and it was very difficult for them and still is. Becoming the man of the house is not in a teens best interest on so many levels even when the Mother trys everything in her power to prevent that.

I would however hope to god I would not be held responsible for some of my decsions made at 17. And I was a lot more independent and mature than most seventeen year olds; especially boys. Basiclly at that age they have a lot of trouble thinking independently so who knows how free his choice was.

Maybe I am more empathetic because my family endured my disabled child's multiple hospitalizations and a lot of people did not understand you can't just stop and live near a child because you might want to. Even our kids who think our love for them can make anything possible when it can't.

I dont know why the son would feel like you 'might not come'

I read that he is just as unsure of where he stands with you as you are where you stand with him,,,,

if the wedding had passed and you didnt go because you werent invited,, then there is not much that could be said about it

but instead, you did confront him prior to the actual event at which time he invited you,,,,probably because he wants you there, possibly because he felt pressured,, but NOTHING he could have said to you would have taken back the time or the hurt so its probably best to just deal with the present at this time


he could have not invited you, after your confrontation, and then what? seems like there was nothing he could have done that wouldnt be hurtful from the moment you asked him,,,,so since you WERE invited,, I say go


hopefully, he will only be married once,,,

Actually, the break up wasn't that bad.

yes, there were harsher responses than yours & as usual, I didn't think yours was that bad. I think it is the OP who is stressed (regarding the topic). Yes, I agree with u that the aggrandizement on here at times gets to be a wonder. I figure I will really know I'm maxxed out if I ever have to post something that personal as far as making that kind of private family decision. I feel badly for the OP. I hope things will go well for her at this wedding. No doubt there are issues there. But who among us doesn't have them? If u do take a break, please return!

I am returning this topic. When opinions are asked for, then people will receive opinions/advice.

Leave the personal attacks off of the forums. Everyone has a right to their opinions and advice.

Kim

Thank you, Kim. I appreciate it; and, agree on the personal attacks.

Did you/your ex have a family pow-wow when you both were divorcing (with your son/other children if any)? Divorce is a very traumatic experience for children.

You definitely need to work on your relationship with your son. Whether it be by having talks with all parties and/or family counseling.

Go to the wedding, and make a great effort to mend things. It would be sad that you never repaired your relationship and then grandchildren came into the equation and you'd miss out on that.

Good luck, and some times as a parent you have to put your pain/pride aside........

^^^^^^^ great advise ^^^^^^^

he only has one mother ... and whatever the reason foe his trepedation and hesitation etc. ... you need to be a good mother.

Sons can be very inconsiderate at times ... you should know that and work around it with the love you have for him.



besides ... how could you not want to see who he is thinking he can settle down with.

Go to the wedding, be gracious, be polite. Be a lady.

It's too late to have a relationship with the boy your son was, so start a relationship with the man your son is.

Keep your (hurt) feelings to yourself. He's been conflicted about inviting you for over a year. He needs to focus on his marriage and his wife. Be supportive.

And be nice to your daughter-in-law.
My mother-in-law didn't talk to me at my wedding and she didn't talk to me 24 years later at my husband's funeral. Her (negative) feelings about me kept her from having a relationship with her grandchildren.

Good luck and be strong.

I agree withskydogg..best piece of advice here...

Forgive me for coming in rather late in the discussion but my take on parenthood is that our children don't ask to come into this world. We invite them and therefore owe it to them to be good hosts.

As a father I'll always owe my children a certain unconditional love and even after they're grown I'll show that love in the form of guidance as a role model.

My children don't owe me anything. Their reciprocation of my love and devotion is of course something I desire over practically anything else. Anything else, that is, except comprising the very principles I need to adhere to in order to be that good role model.

I have to realize and accept the concept that they are their own people and my love can't be determined by how they show (or not...) love for me...

I have to depend on those times we shared when I DID have the opportunity to teach them right from wrong and then let the chips fall where they may...

If your children don't give back in the ways you'd like, it feels horrendous at times, I know...

In the end though, if they felt your love, you'll feel theirs...

jmo


"And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make"

Beatles

I'm thinking I heard the same thing said quite a few times but maybe not as much on this page...

You should go. Weddings are joyful days anyhow.. and when he is up there taking his vows nothing else will matter to you but his happiness.

dude, you should just go there and fix things up with your son when you get a chance(at the wedding i mean). unless its going to ruin his day ofcourse. but your son sounds like an idiot. what about his fiancee. what were her thoughts on inviting you. it could even be her fault you didnt get an invite

You are his mom .. Keep all ego issues aside.. whether he knows it or not .., he would like u there and he will need u there ..!

Everyone here has offered you great bits of information. When you ask for people's thoughts, realize that you will receive just that, whether you agree with them or not.
I learned a long time ago that there are 3 sides to every story, yours, theirs and the truth.
As others mentioned, put aside 'your' feelings and go to be happy for him.
You can't change the past but you can amend what might be the future, only wait until they have settled in with their life. If you wait too long tho, you may miss more happiness with him down the road.