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| Topic: Separated, not yet divorced: How fast will a woman run away? | |
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Well my opinion is you should take time for yourself before dating again. It just shows that you are needy. You need time to find your identity again. So much of who we are has to do with who we were with. Rebounds never last. We don't want to admit it...but some of us just don't like to be alone...so we jump right back into the fire again. When you stop thinking about your ex then its time to mingle. I'm still angry at my ex from nine years ago. There's a song by a band called Combichrist that describes that ex perfectly. It's called "Lying Sack of S***." You ought to listen to it sometime. I can never forgive my ex for what they did. It seriously was an ultimate sin. You know that cosmic jewish zombie can help you with that bitterness. 
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Fri 08/06/10 10:16 AM
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When someone stays attached to someone is for a reason, i believe one must be mentally cleared that is it, and that there is no going back,but until then is when the big decision needs to be made. the paper work is not hard, what is hard is to make the decision. it took me 5 yrs to finally obtain the courage to do it, once the feelings are out, the decision is easier and less painful. each person is different. My first husband and I split in 1995 , we lived seperate lives at seperate residences, I wasnt planning to remarry and neither was he, we both struggled to support ourself and our children, we didnt find the legal fees or the investment of time worth it just to have papers saying what we already knew. I finally met someone interested in marriage in 2003 and in 2004 my ex and I got 'legally' divorced. it never came up when I dated, it never needed to, I lived in my own place with no husband, paid my own bills with no alimony, as far as anyone in my life was concerned,, there was no husband to deal with. We have a son and we 'shared' custody long before the paperwork said so. We were just the same as a divorced couple without papers to say so. I just think each situation is different. Someone can still have emotional ties to an ex even though they never married and someone can be done even though they never got divorced. The only way to know is to get to know what THAT person is like, how they are living, what their social situation is..... on a sidenote: I have been there(dating while still married on paper) and I dont judge others harshly for doing so even though I dont condone having an intimate relationship, as I did then, while still married because in hindsight I see that it went against what is Christian, but I think going out and getting to know people is fine as long as noone is being mislead. |
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Agree with most. You really have to work on yourself before dating agaain!
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Do your potential future soulmate a huge favor, make sure the ink on your divorce papers is dry before you meet her.
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When someone stays attached to someone is for a reason, i believe one must be mentally cleared that is it, and that there is no going back,but until then is when the big decision needs to be made. the paper work is not hard, what is hard is to make the decision. it took me 5 yrs to finally obtain the courage to do it, once the feelings are out, the decision is easier and less painful. each person is different. My first husband and I split in 1995 , we lived seperate lives at seperate residences, I wasnt planning to remarry and neither was he, we both struggled to support ourself and our children, we didnt find the legal fees or the investment of time worth it just to have papers saying what we already knew. I finally met someone interested in marriage in 2003 and in 2004 my ex and I got 'legally' divorced. it never came up when I dated, it never needed to, I lived in my own place with no husband, paid my own bills with no alimony, as far as anyone in my life was concerned,, there was no husband to deal with. We have a son and we 'shared' custody long before the paperwork said so. We were just the same as a divorced couple without papers to say so. I just think each situation is different. Someone can still have emotional ties to an ex even though they never married and someone can be done even though they never got divorced. The only way to know is to get to know what THAT person is like, how they are living, what their social situation is..... on a sidenote: I have been there(dating while still married on paper) and I dont judge others harshly for doing so even though I dont condone having an intimate relationship, as I did then, while still married because in hindsight I see that it went against what is Christian, but I think going out and getting to know people is fine as long as noone is being mislead. Superb answer right there! Each person or each situation should be treated differently. We should not be generalizing unless it is based on solid scientific research on the issue, not just purely on our personal opinions (even if they are good and respectable opinions as I think they are). I have been separated for more than 2 years and there is no way to going back to my ex. We have a son and she has full custody because we live significantly far apart and I accepted the situation since it was best for our son. I see my son still as often as I can. She lives with someone else now and I do my things too. I dated since then but I am still looking for someone for a serious relationship. I know some women or men judge people by their status as of married, separated and all of that. It's too bad in lots of situations. Like mine, there is no reason to worry about the ex or me going back to her. It will never going to happen. Our divorce should be finalized soon but it's not a reason for me NOT to get involve for a serious relationship and start over with another woman. Again, it's my situation and it's definitely different than for others. We should not assumed that all separated people should wait until they are divorced to date or have a serious relationship again... It depends! |
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I think it shows very bad taste to speak of your ex in such a negative light, regardless of how bad it was between the two of you it should stay between the two of you...that alone is enough to keep me at arms lenght of someone, regardless of whether they are getting a divorce or already divorced...
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Actually, I dated someone for 4 months who was separated. I didn't mind that he was separated. The thing that bothered me was that 4 months later, he STILL hadn't started the process. Just be up front with whoever you are dating...and START the process. The right woman won't mind as long as you are honest about it and actually working on it...
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Going through same thing, but the kicker is.......I am going to fight for custody! :P
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Going through same thing, but the kicker is.......I am going to fight for custody! :P good luck with that,, I will say sadly that men dont get the same consideration when it comes to custody that women do,, |
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I have no doubt that I will be awarded custody in the end, but it is getting everything in shape between now and court date
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