Seperated.....divorced....married.....meh. I'd do em all.

Some people don't understand that a legal seperation is basically a divorce. The only thing it keeps you from doing is getting marrried again. Lord knows that ain't freaking happening. It can effect Social Security and other benefits if someone is sick. Sometimes there is more to the story than meets the eye. I know you are just kidding Peccy but yes I am waiting on a friend to get a divorce..........

my take is that if you CAN'T wait the 6 months it takes for your divorce to finalize then you have some co-dependency issues....

But there are those few that have been in legal battles that last years...so i'd say if you've been separated for at least a year and it is not a constant-in-court battle(why would you want to drag a new relationship through that?) but if that is for you then go for it.

For those that have been separated for about 2-3-4weeks work on yourself first.

I have to agree with most of this but there are always different circumstances that go along with things. I am not here looking for a date but just friends. Although a crazy night kickin boots does sound appealling. Not with you of course. No offense.......

Ya .. kinda like a backup plan eh?

That's a whole lotta kissin azz/arse/a** if you ask me.

No one was tryin to put anyone on the defense here so don't be gettin your panties/briefs in a bunch .. just threw out a question.

Here's the deal though. YOU may think it's perfectly alright, and honestly I'm not challenging that. What I AM wondering is how people feel about dating those who are JUST separated.

In my world .. I want someone totally available to be with me, not always wondering if they are gonna work things out and end up staying in their relationship.

So I was looking at it more from the standpoint of the one who is DATING the one separated .. not BEING the separated one.

RUN!!!!!!'

I have been separated for a year. The marriage was over for both of us for a long time. My profile spells out the fact that I am not here for a relationship and I am totally honest with the people I talk to. I never intend to marry again.

However I am glad that I came here. I have gotten alot of support over the past year and made some great friends who have given me good advice.

We all get to make choices and if you choose not to date someone who is separated that is fine. When the time comes I know I want to date someone my own age and not someone 10 to 15 years younger than me.

I just don't think generalizations should be made. Someone who is separated could turn out to be alot more honest and honorable than someone who is divorced. Divorce does not guarantee that the relationship or person is better. JMO

My mom never divorced my dad, back in 1960. We were all kids. It worked out, he passed on and 2 of us were able to go to school on the disabled/deceased Gi Bill. He was career Navy. Back then they drank ALOT in the service and he was one of them, plus PTSD from 2 wars (II and Korea).
She on the other hand, who would date a separated woman with 5 kids, 4 of them under the age 11?

Agreed it's all about choices.

But no one said a separated person is not honorable or honest. Unsupported assumptions made by saying that.

Geesh, I know Papersmile (Lisa) and she is one of the finest women I've been friends with on this site. Her status is her business.

Also, no one said that a divorced person is not better or the relationship better. Just sayin (and facts prove it) that the chance of the previous relationship being over is better. ie .. closure.

Again .. I'm taking this more from the perspective of the person considering 'dating' someone who has not had "official" closure on their last relationship.

That's all

Well if she HAD officially divorced him it would make absolutely no difference in receiving GI Bill benefits.

I have 2 kids already who have received full education benefits from my VERY EXXX-husband and made it all the way thru school on them. So you would have received them anyway.

Just sayin ..

I think depends on the degree of separation, if your still living together ,your not separated. If you separated recently and still have feelings ,then your not truly separated. If you live far apart and have been separated for yrs to me theres not a whole lot of difference between that and being divorced. I certainly wouldn't expect anybody to wait until their divorce came through to start dating again that can be a lenghty process and why should you put your life on hold for a piece of paper because of what others may think.

Totally agree about not living life with regards to "what others may think"

I have to say that personally I've engaged communication with a couple "separated" guys who end up returning to their wives.

It sucked at the time. I think it still does.

Problem here is NOT with the person separated, but with the one developing feelings for someone with the chance that they return to a crappy relationship "for the kids" or whatever.

Been there. Done that.

Only one who really loses is the one who took a chance on someone not REALLY available yet (albeit emotionally OR legally)

I agree with you in the fact that dating someone who is divorced would be better. But take the following example into consideration please

I have a friend who has been separated for several years. The marriage is definitely over. His wife has a medical condition that requires expensive medications. She had been a stay at home Mom during their marriage and is now working parttime and going to school. If he divorces her, she would come off his insurance and would have trouble paying for her medication.

Should he be looked at as not dateable even though to me he is being a stand up guy and respecting the woman who he once loved and who he had a family with.

My point here is that every situation is different and I think that I would need to know the reason that the person is not divorced before I would say "no way" but as stated by all this is an individual choice.

MiVidaLoca .. this was your comment yes?

Having been on both sides of this issue and had both good and bad experiences I can't disagree with you at all Fade. I suppose in the end to put it in it's simplest form it is definately a "Buyer Beware" situation.

It got stuck in the quote section

And yes to DeliLady as well.

It really can be a case by case situation.

I just prefer to keep as much 'drama' possibilities out of my relationships as possible.

I mean dating, especially online, is hard enough. Who needs more dynamics to worry about ..

I know OOPS sorry

Thanks to both of you, well everyone, for putting personal perspective on this touchy subject.

I think it's good for us to see the miles walked in another's shoes.