There are two ways to look at the idea of "resistance."
In the spiritual sense, guru's are saying that we should accept what is.

What do you suppose they mean?

I think it just means the wisdom to accept the things you can't change and change the things you can, for the better. Here is the idea:

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Have you noticed that when you resist you suffer?
Suffering is not mandatory as you probably know.

Suffering comes from the decision that reality is wrong.

Resist what you are experiencing and you will suffer.

Feeling what you are experiencing, going with the flow, allows
you to to move through the unprefered and into what you choose.

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Some people say that all suffering is caused from resistance.

I would say that once you learn to accept what is, then and only then are you in a position to improve what is.

What do you think?

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Then there is the opposite school of thought.

"Resistance is futile, bow to your Lord and Master."

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I know a few things I should have resisted. Hell I'm still suffering from a couple......

Take relationships for example. In relationships, people are afraid to be themselves or express their true thoughts to their significant other for fear of being rejected. So a 'relationship' takes on new meaning where two people try to live up to each other's expectations, or to live up to the roll they 'pretended' when they first met.

(The I'm perfect for you, you're perfect for me roll.)

So you might have this pie in the sky idea of who you are married to, and when he or she does not live up to that you 'resist' by being 'shocked' or 'disappointed' by seeing this new side of this person.

Your shock and displeasure, is sometimes meant to 'mold' or change that person back into what you want them to be, and sometimes they will try so as not to be rejected.

Its a terrible mind game where two people play a roll and neither one of them are allowed to be who they want to be.

Worse yet, they may not know who they want to be or who they should be. They are now seeing themselves through the eyes of others, or trying to live up to that.

Here is my advice: Accept what is. Accept people for who they are in the moment. Don't require them to live up to your expectations.

Don't require them to react in the same way you would react.

More so, be true to yourself.

the thing that many guru's choose to not look at is that there are forces in this life that require resistance. In resistance there is effort. Effort is struggle, Struggle is pain, BUT BUT BUT what do you do when you are caused pain? Accept it and suffer continuously or suffer a little more and end the suffering?

Some relationships thrive on conflict and struggle. Others can't. Someone has to be passive while the other more dominate. it is rare when two alphas can cohabit without one of them being more dominate.

The thing is when something causes you pain do you put up with it or do you act? Your husband is cheating do you accept it or not?

Gurus can easily tell everyone the "perfect path" for them but is it the perfect path for others? Not! It is easy for a guru to sit there with a gun to his head because in his own mind he believes what he wants to believe even if his life is in jeopardy. The thing is what if you have children to live for (and many guru's give up children and family for their own life pursuit)?

Likewise it is easy for a single person to "float on the current" but when others are dependent on you then it isn't so easy to just float along.

I love how people can try to make us all believe in some fantastic concept of peace and passivity but the nasty ultimate truth is that the strong survive and you have to be ready for struggle to succeed but you also have to know when to just go with things too.

In reality life is about finding balance! It is that easy if simple is what you are looking for.

Oh I think we are programed to fight for our own survival. But mental pain and anquish is caused by our lack of acceptance of what is. It is allowing ourselves to suffer just because we don't happen to like what is-- or what is happening.

It is a resistance to TRUTH.




Good example. If you want pain, you become enraged, sad, unhappy, fearful, angry etc... and why? Because your spouse lied and cheated.
He did not torture you, he did not hit you, he did not physically abuse you, or even verbally abuse you. He simply enjoyed himself with someone else. In truth, he did not hurt you at all. He simply did something he found enjoyable.

So if you accept pain from that, then you are resisting what is.
What is: is that your husband lied and "cheated."

Why did he lie? Because you expected him to remain faithful to you and he told you he would. He was trying to live up to your expectations.

On the other hand, if you were to simply accept what is, then you can either decide to live with it, and be happy, or divorce him and be happy. You don't have to choose to be miserable or in pain.

It is your resistance to the truth that will cause you pain and it will stunt your ability to move forward and find happiness.







The strong do survive and the strong may be the ones who are strong enough to accept what is. That is, are you strong enough to handle THE TRUTH?

CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH OF THE SITUATION? Or will you resist and be miserable?

Interesting. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Actually, resistance is most commonly brought about by people defending their principles from attack - or 'assimilation' ...

The matter of the ability to 'handle the truth of the situation' comes down to WHOSE truth you mean. I have MY truth, you have YOUR truth ... most times, 'truth' is very subjective and not amenable to rational analysis, especially if it's an 'emotional truth' ... physical, chemical, biological truths have ways of being objectively verified - not so 'emotional truth' - whatever that is ... so people make every effort possible to hold on to what THEY perceive as THEIR truth that's right for THEM, and resist all attempts to CONVERT them to someone ELSE's version of 'truth' ... it's all subjective.

Too much generalization in these statements. It would help if you would be more specific. Give an example.

We all have our own perspective. But personal perspective is not "truth." It is simply personal perspective.

Either your spouse is cheating and lying or he is not. There is no "your truth" and "his truth."

When one feels they have to "defend their principles" what is it that they are defending?

The resistance I am talking about is the resistance to the facts, the truth of what is really happening or happened. I will give an example:

You receive news of a death in the family. Some people will react with "OH NO!!" That is resistance.

Now it is not really common human behavior to react with: "Oh, okay." Because humans are .... well... humans. They don't want to accept change. A death is change.

Another example: You get fired. What do you do? You might get depressed and feel sorry for yourself for a week or two, and spend some time worrying about how you are going to pay your bills. It is probably rare that a person just says "Okay, I'm fired so I will go out and get another job right now." Why? Because they are in a state of resistance to what is. It is sort of a state of shock and adjustment.

Would a computer do that? No of course not. Given the right programing, a computer would just accept the situation and attempt to remedy it.

good solid advice words to truely live by.

See? Even the machine is instructed to attempt to remedy the situation. How can people be expected of anything less? Certainly, in most of the recoverable cases (i.e. not terminal, like death), "seeking remedy" might involve some suffering while struggling to reinstate the former condition -- because accepting the situation might result in even more intense suffering!
For example, Would you just accept the situation, if you were wrongly accused in legal or family affair??? (-- for the sake of saving yourself from suffering?) Certainly not! You'd resist and fight "tooth and nail" to redeem yourself.
The same refers to the relationships:
everyone is trying to accomodate the other -- often overlooking various deficiencies, but only up to a certain degree. At some point, I'd rather take a flight than stay and fight (i.e. resist) -- as much as I may not want to accept change!

At the same time, how can I be true to myself and "accept people for who they are in the moment", if they're trying their best to live up to my expectations (or vice-versa)?

Not true. When you accept the situation for what it is, you go strait to solving the problem. You don't suffer and cry and whine about it. You simply accept it and move on to the next step.



What I mean is to accept what is happening. If you are wrongly accused of something, you accept that you are wrongly accused, and don't just whine and cry about it. After you accept that, then you get to the heart of the matter and look for answers. Who wrongly accused you and why? You go to work immediately to expose the truth. You don't panic and cry about what people might think about you, you just accept they they have been mislead, and keep focused on your task of exposing the real truth, and exposing the culprit who has wrongly accused you. This is all done with a clear head. You are not freaking out, crying, and being miserable feeling sorry for yourself. You know the truth right? If you are wrongly accused, then have the clarity to take action that will expose the truth. The truth will be known eventually. Meanwhile you will find out who your real friends are. :-)



They would not be trying their best to live up to your expectations if they knew you will accept them for who they are would they?

Being honest about who you are is not as easy as it sounds. It is a constant challenge. Altering your personality to "accommodate the other" is not being true to yourself, it is being a pretender. How can you know if someone loves you if you are not being true to yourself?

There would be no 'fights' if people would accept each other and stop trying to appease each other.

The challenge is in defining yourself and in knowing who you are or who you aspire to be. Once you have clarity about who you are, then the challenge is to be that even if it seems like others don't approve. If you approve of yourself, it should not matter what other people think and feel and you should not pretend to be what they expect or want.

Ummm, 'scuse me, but I seem to detect just a wee bit too much anthropomorphization here - a computer, last time I checked, is still an INANIMATE object lacking feeling, emotion, sympathy, etc etc etc ... a computer will do nothing except what it is PROGRAMMED to do. Computers are NOT 'human-equivalent' - I don't care how 'smart' they may SEEM to be. No computer is capable of exceeding its programming. Ergo, the statement that a computer 'would just accept the situation' is illogical as well as incorrect. As for that 'attempt to remedy it' part ... ? It is to laff ...

Did you bow to your lord and master?

I am well aware that a computer has no feelings. You are apparently not getting the point.

Lets just say it was a thinking and learning program.

Anyway, my point is, that to get all freaked out and emotional about a situation is RESISTANCE to what is. Resistance to what is, is resisting the truth of a situation. This is what causes pain and mental anguish.

A good example is a child who screams and cries because he can't have what he wants. He might throw a tantrum. If a parent gives in and gives the child what he wants, then the child learns to have a fit and throw a tantrum every time things don't go the way he wants.

I actually know and have seen a lot of adults act this way.

Another good example is a spouse or significant other who attempts to control and use every trick he or she can think of to maintain a relationship.

Some threaten violence, some threaten suicide. Other simply use guilt for a bargaining tool.

I actually had my first boyfriend out of high school tell me that if I broke up with him, he would kill himself.

Why would anyone want to have to maintain a relationship under the threat of suicide anyway? Are they that desperate or are they simply bluffing and manipulating?

What ever they are doing, they are resisting the end of the relationship. They should just get over it and move on with their life right? But most people want to wallow in their own misery.

By the way, I told my boyfriend that I didn't think he should kill himself, but I was breaking up with him anyway.

He didn't kill himself.

Is this the source of the 'resistance' mentioned originally ... ? If so, I think I understand more about the 'why' of this than before ...

To accept that I cannot properly or truly understand or be able to conceptualize God is one thing. To be told to 'Believe in the God I do or I will make you suffer,' is another.

Now in the Bible when God was asked who he (she, it) was the answer was "I am." I think it is difficult for a human to wrap their mind around what "God" really is. Still people try hard to put a face on God when God is faceless. People cannot accept a "faceless" God while I choose to accept God as Faceless.

That is acceptable acceptance. There is no need for struggle and life goes on.

Now enter 'Believe in the God I do or I will make you suffer.' What happens when I can't believe in the God of the other guy? For as much as I try to accept their way of believing imagine if there were things about it I could not accept like "Kill all the non believers!" Add to that "The way to heaven is earned through tithing to the church half of what you earn." That I must resist.

Now the real dilemma, how much do I choose to resist? Do I ignore them in the face of indeed suffering at their hand (the easy path of resistance, Passively resisting) or do I choose to eliminate the threat they pose to me (the active and hard path) knowing they will try to kill me eventually?

Again no guru has the "all encompassing" answer and no one Philosophy can handle all situations in life.

Life is about balance and choosing your battles carefully. Sometimes there is times when acceptance is the best answer and other times require struggle.

Now granted there is something about trying to follow the path of least resistance. Both Water and Lightning follow that rule.

One way I can see this applying is for instance (and this comes from a woman I knew in my past in real life): picture a woman who wants to be a famous dancer. She made up her mind in her heart she wanted to be a famous dancer and she tried. I will give her props for trying but she lost my respect eventually and this was why. She didn't have the look for one. Now this isn't the tell all to any talent but she didn't have the talents of graceful movement or being able to remember her steps and always fell 'out of line' in her class. She just wasn't that talented as a dancer. She had the two left feet. After a while I began to see the patterns of denial in her behavior and on top of that acted like she was all that. I knew a woman who was a stripper at the same time and she could move that azz in a way that would leave a trail of trouserwood on all the not gay guys in the area behind her as she would walk down the beach in a two piece string bakini. During a party I talked the stripper into dancing for us and she happily did. The other girl tried to get in on the act and showed how bad of a dancer she was in front of everyone. I was friends with the stripper and when this other chick went off on her about her skills I got pissed off because the difference was my stripper friend made 80K a year and the other girl paid to attend classes. After I told her to her face she either needed to shut up and practice a lot harder or give up because she moved like a pregnant buffalo walking sideways. Needless to say I was no longer her friend but hey, if you can't accept criticism you suck. Even I have to accept the other guy right be right sometimes. Hey that brings up something to your argument. A lot of struggle can be negated just accepting the idea that the other person might be right sometimes but again this needs to be used in moderation like any other ideal. Why? Everyone has opinions both right and wrong!

I hope I am not coming off as being complicated for the sake of it. Even simple ideals can have DEEP implications. Look at the two commandments Jesus gives in the New Testimate, so simple but look at how wrong they are about understanding them. I mean seriously "Do unto others as you would have done to you?" How many people get that right exactly? The Reverend Al Sharpton and the Reverend Jessy Jackson both spew soft hate for whites and anyone not of Black descent to this day. And they are what religion?

How about the other side of the coin? Do to others AS they HAVE done to you?

No, it was just an example for simple minds, in the hope that they would understand what I am talking about when I say that if you accept WHAT IS, there will be less mental anguish and pain.

In a case of religion, I believe the ones who suffer are the ones who are disturbed because they don't understand why everyone does not believe as they do.

If what they believe is "the truth" they can't understand why everyone does not accept "their truth." They are the ones who are suffering because they probably have doubts about what they believe in the first place. So, they proceed to push or force their beliefs on others hoping that while doing so, they might be convinced themselves or they might confirm and find support in what they believe.



You still do not understand what I mean by acceptance and resistance.
In the case of people trying to convert you or die, you just accept that there is a threat and you assess the threat without getting emotionally involved with whether or not you can or can not 'believe in their God.' That is not the issue at hand. They have no right to try to force you to believe in their God, so that is a NON ISSUE. They also have no right to KILL YOU. That is the threat at hand.

The threat at hand is a threat to your life. It is not a threat to your belief system. So do you accept that there is a threat to your life? Yes, of course you do. Then with a clear head, you decide what action you will take to protect yourself.

Protecting yourself from someone who is trying to kill you, for whatever reason, is warranted by logic unless you can't stand violence and would rather offer your head to them on a platter or become a martyr for what you believe.

Protecting yourself from a direct threat (getting killed) is not the kind of 'resistance' I am talking about.