I’m coming in on this a little late but…

Personally, I think the fundamental issue is not so much with resistance as it is with reaction (as opposed to "pro-action".)

In order for there to be resistance, there must be an opposing force to resist.

And that is neither good nor bad in and of itself.

For example, in any game, there are (at least) two opposing forces - be it Monopoly, Football, Hopscotch, or any other game. But we play games, by choice, for the satisfaction that comes from overcoming that resistance.

So the issue comes down to whether or not one is resisting by their own choice.

Which in turn reduces to a matter of whether one is being cause or effect in/of the situation. If one is being cause, then the resistance is pro-active and thus leads to either overcoming the resistance, or a cessation of the action of resisting. But if one is being effect, then the resistance is reactive and the resistance cannot be overcome, nor can the action of resisting be stopped, by reason of the simple fact that the resistance is being caused by the opposing force, not by onself.

No, the issue is resistance.




Sometimes the "apposing force" is not apposing at all, but just existing as something we can't or don't want to accept. It is only an apposing force if we resist it for what it is. Therefore we are the ones who have made it into a perceived "apposing force."

We, who are resisting, have created the opposition.



If one resists something, is it not always by their 'own choice?'



The resistance I am mostly talking about is a resistance to the truth of a situation. It is resistance to a thing that we cannot change or do anything about. It is resistance to WHAT IS or WHAT IS HAPPENING.

It is resistance to an outcome that we cannot change. It is resistance to something or someone who is out of our control.

Resistance can be construed as a 'reaction' to a cause. Which might make us an 'effect' of some cause initiated by someone else. These kinds of reactions are automatic and sometimes unconscious.

But if you can immediately accept the reality of a situation you can willfully act CONSCIOUSLY to that situation in the most appropriate manner.

Acting consciously to a cause, will make you into another CAUSE rather than the unconscious 'effect.' In accepting the reality of the situation and consciously taking action, what you do is turn it around and mirror it back to the original cause and that (or they) will become an immediate 'effect' of their own cause.

But in the case of resistance against a thing that is just existing and not really apposing us, the thing to do is to stop resisting it.

When you stop resisting it, it ceases to be the opposition. It merely goes on being what it is.

It is what it is. You are what you are.

i can't give u an example of resistance.
besides, i think it is wiser 4 me to just let this one pass. hope u understand.:)

ah, i agree.
u is what u is.
r u a zebra if u have black body and white stripes
or r u a skunk cause u have white body with black stripes. resistance at work here.

in the case of a cheating spouse,,,most people will feel hurt,, they dont CHOOSE to feel hurt because of some resistance it is just a betrayal of trust

there is the option to stay and work THROUGH the hurt,,but to stay and be HAPPY without aknowledging or expressing hurt,, is a bit too simplistic in my opinion...

Whatever floats your boat!


That can be excellent advice. Resistance to venting can be futile where I work. That is if you want to keep your emotional comfort. Since being perfect seems futile we share our human qualities of short comings. Empathy and understanding promote good espirit de corps. I like the show 'Scrubs' with the line of 'I am no superman'. We run into conflict with the 'powers that be' to quote a line from the show 'Charmed'. 'Drama' is what comes of it if the understanding is only from the 'powers that be' but with both sides of the story understanding then change is more likely to happen. In other words, to quote an old adage, 'You can catch more flies with honey than a flyswatter' can become more harmonius to all concerned. Venting can be like a necessary evil to serenity but with a little give and take on both sides peace can be restored. Emotional bartering can reap rewards.

Yes most people will feel hurt in the case of a cheating spouse. How long they allow that to make them miserable depends entirely on how long they choose to resist the reality of the situation.

Reverting back to WHY they feel hurt is because of the traditional expectations involved with marriage. "Exclusivity."

If you make this a condition of your love and your relationship you have "expectations."

If both partners agree to be monogamous and one of them decides later that they don't want to be monogamous anymore, but they still want to be married, then they may choose to LIE which is the betrayal you mention.

Instead, he or she should have just been honest. But honesty will cost him. How much less would you be hurt if your spouse just told you that he met someone and he wanted to have sex with them? Less betrayed? Maybe. Because now, the promise of UNTIL DEATH DO WE PART is broken.

So the marriage vows should be more to the tune of "Until our children are raised..." Or :="...until we don't find each other sexually attractive anymore.." Or "...until we decide we don't want to be monogamous anymore.. etc."

The lesson here is to be clear about what kind of agreement you are getting into and how long you want it to be. Then, if you ever want out of it, do it honestly. "Honey, I guess we should get a divorce because I want to be with someone else and I don't want to betray you by lying and cheating."

If you still feel betrayed by this kind of honesty, then you are resisting what is, hence you will be unhappy and miserable.

If you accept it as the truth of the situation, then you can get on with your life and you can't claim that you were 'betrayed' by a liar and a cheating spouse, you can only claim that he went back on his marriage agreement of "until death do we part."

The marriage vows should be changed, of course, to "until death or divorce to we part" -- if you want to get technical about it.

Resistance to "what is," is futile.

Accepting "what is" is a personal challenge.

It is meant to help make YOUR personal life better and more efficient.

It is one of the steps (or little tricks) towards more conscious living.

If I understand you correctly, by "more conscious living" you mean a different frame of mind? Possibly...
But there's a danger:
My new frame of mind might be directly opposite to my previous frame of mind that I would have difficulties in accepting -- causing the inner conflict brought about by my resistance to accept it!!!

Yes, you're right. The thread title specifically says "resistance". Thus, I was off-topic.

So I won't resist any of your statements.

I would feel less betrayed by someone honest enough to end one relationship before starting another(even a one night stand).

I think people should be expected to live up to their responsibilities and promises and marriage is both

I of course accept that people will fall short of expectations at times and that is what forgiveness is for, but it doesnt take away the human emotions of hurt or pain,,, I think I learned that the opposite of acceptance is denial

I had an unfaithful spouse, I wasnt in denial that he was unfaithful , which I guess means I accepted it,,,but it still hurt like hell..

and I didnt ACCEPT it enough to carry on as if all was fine, because when people betray each other there should be some consequence to deter from making it a habit,,,,but I did accept that I couldnt change it or take it back and that there was work to be done to get back to a place of trust,,,

Avoiding getting hurt seems like a reasonable way of life. However, accepting the spits directed into my very soul is a bit more than I can handle! Thus, I've addopted the wise falk wisdom:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

God grant me the senility to forget
the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Anonymous

Yes, you're right. The thread title specifically says "resistance". Thus, I was off-topic.

So I won't resist any of your statements.







Very funny.

And here I was gearing up for an in-depth discussion......

I wrote that.

Yes I agree that people should be expected to live up to their responsibilities and promises and failure to do so can be hurtful and disappointing. Yes it hurts and it shocks the system because it is traumatic.

But how long it hurts will depend on how well and how quickly a person accepts the reality of the situation. Once a person accepts that their spouse failed to keep his promise and cheated and lied, then they have to accept that things have changed.

Life changes if you get divorced. Divorce is said to be more traumatic than dealing with a death. Maybe that is partly because we all know that death is inevitable and we realize very clearly and quickly that we can't do anything about it. We realize that resistance is futile.

But the destruction of a marriage is the destruction of a dream. It is the dream of "happily ever after" and of children and family, one of the basic instincts of life. People try to 'fix' that and they try to hold on to their dream as long as possible. Unlike a death, they believe that maybe they can fix it.

I'm not suggesting a person can avoid the pain of disappointment completely by accepting the truth of a situation, I am suggesting that accepting it sooner will speed recovery. Yes, you will probably still be in shock and pain, but more so if you resist the reality of it and try to 'fix' things back to where they once were.

Yes, 'denial' is definitely a form of resistance.

I'm not suggesting a person can avoid the pain of disappointment completely by accepting the truth of a situation, I am suggesting that accepting it sooner will speed recovery. Yes, you will probably still be in shock and pain, but more so if you resist the reality of it and try to 'fix' things back to where they once were.

Yes, 'denial' is definitely a form of resistance.

I can agree with that.

Tales From The Darkside, 1984

"Man lives in the sunlit world of what he believes to be reality.
But... there is, unseen by most, an underworld, a place that is just as real,
but not as brightly lit... a DARKSIDE.

The dark side is always there, waiting for us to enter, waiting to enter us.
Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight."

You can find this place in grief and until you accept the reality of the situation you can stay in the darkside.

I always loved that poem! And the show.

Nevertheless,
Resistance is futile ONLY in the face of the INSURMOUNTABLE FORCE!