So I have been doing a lot of thinking, finding myself..that sort of stuff lately..why not post it here?
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I'll start this off by saying I was very naive and almost unaware of the world around me until about six months ago. Up until that point everything had been so...stable, and structured. You go to school, you have your summer vacations, you worry if your cool or not, and at night when lying in bed you can actually fall asleep. I'm not sure if I miss those times, or if my new found apathy and judgment is just starting to take effect?

Like I said everything was as it had always been, up until 6 months ago. I was 20 years old I had been with the same girl for four years...i/5 of my current life hehe. So yeah, it was a big deal. This is were things begin to come crashing down. She left me on Christmas eve of 2009...for no apparent reason...(we will leave it at that this isn't about her). So I started to have really bad anxiety, not only did the marriage die, but the future I has always imagined as well. I began to feel myself crack at the seams...I once thought I was a concrete wall, unstoppable and unbreakable. Life now seemed like a candle, or a fragile piece of glass.

I began to wonder many things at that point, why are we here, whats my purpose, what am I going to do now? Sure I had wondered these things before...but never to this depth. I remember looking at myself in the mirror..and just being amazed that I'm human! Everything is so complex, but can be so simple at the same time. It can end in a second without warning, or continue till time takes hold of you.

After six months of these radical new thoughts and "self-awareness" I feel like a different person in some ways. apparently this is part of getting older, you may be similar but you not the same person you were when you were 20, 30, 40, 100. So to end this wall of text (sorry!) I guess I just want to say I think I'm just now "waking up", and I'm excited to see what unfolds, into this unknown,terrifying, beautiful world we live in.

i keep over sleeping, one day i might wake up! keep doing what you're doing, it's a good thing!

Yeah thank you. The first few months were kinda weird..."Why am I thinking about this stuff!!", but I feel it leads to becoming a better person.

Well there is that but just make sure you always tip the hooker.......

...ok

I hate sounding patronising, but Welcome to "Rude Awakening" of the real world!

The first heartbreak is always the hardest! That's an unavoidable fact of life! Eventually, you get used to it. And -- although you become coutious about getting involved with the next candidate -- you (i.e. most of people) tend to throw caution away at the fisrt opportunity. (such is the human nature)

No, it's not necessarily an unavoidable fact of life. I worked with a fellow once who actually did have the "perfect life". At least it would seem so.

He met his wife in high-school. She was his first girlfriend. They both went to college and then married. He got a job (at the company where I worked with him) It was his first and only job. He was drafted and went into the military for four years, then came back to his job and wife (both of whom where waiting for him).

He had two sons and two daughters who all went on to get married and have their own happy little families. As far as I can tell they were all fairly successful and even started their own businesses.

The last time I say him he was retiring to go live in his dream home with his wife, and his "kids" (who were all married with families of their own) would come and visit him quite often for family get-togethers.

So some people never see beyond the fairytale. They just life it out like Mr. Magoo.

So it's by no means, "inevitable" that's it's all going to fall apart. For some people it actually works out pretty much the way they thought it might. In fact, this guy I worked with is not the only example I can give. I actually have a few cousins who have similar life stories. They married early on, raised a family, and just keep on trucking right on through with no "major" problems. Although I'm quite sure they've had their fair share of minor problems. In fact, my cousin right next door to me is still married to her high-school sweetheart. They had three kids, and they've been together for over 50 years now with no sign of having any major problems even today. If they have problems they sure hide them well.

One thing about a "dating site" is that you aren't going to see those kind of success stories because they have no reason to log onto a dating site. You gotta keep that in mind. Dating sites are something those people never become involved with.

Certainly, "those" people might have no need for it!
Nevertheless, I bet they often wonder what the single life is like!!

Besides, the 40's -50's generations had completely different morals and values. But even among them a "one-mate-for-life" was more of an exclusion than a rule!

Most of young people nowadays maintain the philosophy, Thus breakups are rampunt!!!

I look at what some of my friends do and say about their "girls" and I'm like, whaaaaaaaaaaa!! Very true the philosophy for my generation is....pretty much a lack there of.

Eh. We all have these moments dude. You can call it an awakening, or a moment of clarity. Whatever. The thing is, what will you do from this moment on? You have now seen the real world. Your eyes are open my friend.

CC


NOTHING stays the same.... EVER!

Good luck!

I would beg to differ. I've recently been involved in a immensely difficult separation after a five year relationship that hurt and affected me on a far greater scale than my first heartbreak. Each trial of life can be easy or hard to overcome, depending on the circumstances, your expectations and how you look at the events themselves. The only thing to do is use it create in you a better person. Learn, grow, expand. Bitterness and/or doubt do not help with either of those.

"Waking up" is far better than giving up, so good for you. I hope this is the worst you'll see.

Continue questing throughout your life. There will be times when you feel full, then it will be a time of digesting. Those of who that stop the wonderment, the awe by conceding that they have learned it all, become bitter or hardened by what life experiences give us are the ones that to avoid at the present time until you are ready to perhaps give them a word or thought that will awaken their minds again. Good Morning!

"Existential Angst" ... happens to all of us ... and yes, we all get walked down the aisle of the 'First Church of the Rude Awakening' ... ain't fun, but it's part of movin' thru this thing we laughingly call 'life' ... just know that the same thing has happened to everyone here, whether they wanna own up to it or not ... learn from it and move on, 'cuz life hates a moving target.

Face it, dude, you're gonna die.

That's cold ... funny, but cold ... on balance, funnier than colder ...

That's so damn SARCASTIC, I'd even say that's CHEERFUL!!!

You write very well. Moments--or, in your case, months--of clarity rarely reach a keyboard. I still feel like I'm getting smacked up side the head by life, and it happens way too often.

Cheer up, darling!

Rather than thinking "How bad it is",

addopt the attitude: "It cannot get any worst than it already is!!!

It was funnier when he was just gonna die ...