I think I have figured out how we cope..

WE as in all who just say, their OK with being alone.

After you do THIS very long, you forget what another person FEELS LIKE IN YOUR ARMS!

So I can ONLY imagine the later not know feelings arising


WELL,,its HAPPENING to me?...


Forgetting that is,,wink,

Maybe there is a reason for the time alone..maybe is isn't always a bad thing, maybe we have other things we are to be doing and working on. Maybe there are still some gifts for us to prepare us for someone special....

I'm one of the ones who has been alone a very long time...so I'm not making light of it.

Maybe the forgetting the feeling will make the experience of one in our arms again a new feeling and we'll appreciate it more, appreciate that person more.

I know, I know...eternal optimist

I totally agree, there's other things that need to be done, healing, living, growing, giving, forgetting about 'me', doing what here for, etc...the more one focuses on what one thinks is missing...the more one makes themselves miserable. Tomarrow may not come, or may come and things may not be as good. We've all been there. I would be very upset at myself at all the time I wasted wishing because of my lonliness, instead of moving through life living, appreciative of the gift(s) I do have. It's hard sometimes, yea, yet I know there are thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people on this planet who would change places with me in a heartbeat.
If it is to come, it will come and nothing one can do is rush it. Every love in my life appeared out of nowhere, and so they may still.

I need love, love to ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine

But mama said you can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love, no, you'll just have to wait
Just trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

How many heartaches must I stand
Before I find the love to let me live again
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
When I feel my strength, yeah it's almost gone

I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
How long must I wait, how much more must I take
Before lonliness, will cause my heart to break?

No, I cant bear to lve my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
These precious words keep me hangin' on

I remember mama sayin' you can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
I can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes, gotta wait!

No love, love don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms to hold me tight
I keep waiting, I keep on waiting
But it ain't easy (it ain't easy)
No, you know it ain't easy

When mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said, trust give it time, no matter how long it takes
She said love don't come easy it's a game of give and take

Being alone is bothering me less each day. Not sure I'm no longer missing having someone special in my life...just think I'm getting used to missing that. I'm a little concerned that I'll get set in my own ways, though...don't want to set myself up for always being on my own by not allowing room for someone else or not remembering how to compromise/cooperate/negotiate on things.

I love the advice and all the ways we grow through and in these times of being alone. I am not trying to say hurry nor wait.
I am merely truly starting to understand what at first some would say. Like,,I'm JUST USE TO IT,,and THAT DOESN'T BOTHER ME TO BE ALONE! I was like OMG??? WHAT,,HOW,,no-way!
But NOW,,as this Living alone is changing me to NOT FEEL,,
THAT MISSED!,,,And as I dissect this internal feelings and thoughts.
IT'S kind-of scary,,as to really believe and feel THIS AS OK?
But I AM...feeling THAT, as its COOL.....
And THAT JUST IS SO NOT ME, NOR MY NORM?
So in searching out HOW this over-comes you, to be OK with-it.
Its very complexed, WE know we're alone, there's no other in sights to change THAT, so NOW we turn our minds toward new directions and focus on other things to pass our minds thoughts on,,
Now as you do this you STOP having a NEED TO FEEL ALONE...
BUT because I have lived mostly with a love in my life.
MY (BEING) is reminding my that I SHOULD STILL BE ME!
And think like I always have and NOT CHANGE INTO A ONE.
YET,,I feel the change and NOW know-IT,,I just think it is very sad
or bad to INNERLY FEEL YOU HAVE TO CHANGE WHO YOU WAS!!

Its like going without coffee, when you've always drank a pot a day
or going without a soda pop, when you always had two a day.
YOU can MAKE YOUR SELF TO NOT WANT THEM,,but THAT,,,is a FORCED CHANGE,,,not a WELCOMED CHANGE,,,so that changing within you.
ITS ALWAYS remembered to really be you,,,and the internal acceptance of w/o them,,,,,is an odd, to say the least transaction?

So what I am saying here,,,is that I'm learning...

And I loved the verse,,I think song,wink,ladylid,,,

"Whatever you cannot enjoy doing, you can at least accept that this is wht you have to do. Acceptance means: For now, this is what this situation, this moment, requires me to do, and so I do it willingly. For examp[le, you probaly won't be able to enjoy changing the flat tire in the middle of the night in the pouring rain, but you can bring acceptance to it. Performing a action in the state of acceptance means you are at peace while you do it. That peace is a subtle energy vibration which then flows into what you do. On the surface, acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it is active and creative because it brings someting entirely new into this world. That peace, that subtle energy vibration, is consciousness, and in one of the ways in which it enters this world is through surrendered actions, one aspect which is acceptance.
If you can neither enjoy or bring acceptance to what you do--- stop.
Otherwise, you are not taking responsibilty for the only thing you can really take responsibilty for, which also happens to be the one thing that really matters: your state of consciousness. And if you are not taking responsibilty for your state of conciousness, then you are not taking responsibilty for life." - Echkard Tolle

I found this and his book(s) to be reminders on how to live my life, especially when I would start to fall into some sort of chasm when coming to how viewed life and my feelings. Being more mindful of if I were accepting of my situation makes a vast difference in all my relationships, especially the most important one, of with myself.
Try to view what you're feeling also if it is some sort of test, will you pass or fail. Your state of mind on how your feeling will be the judge.

hello Miss Shasta,,,and I see what your saying and agree fully, but,lol
Im a realist and the Net is a BIG PLACE to venture onto and into,,SO,,lol
IF EVERYONE WAS IN TOTAL EXCEPTANCE OF THE FACT THEIR ALONE AND HAPPY WITH THAT!!!,,Following me so far,,,Right??,,,ok,
THEN WHY???? WOULD THEY HAVE TURNED TO A """"""""SINGLES GROUND"""""""
JUST SAYING THERE HERE FOR FRIENDS WHEN THE NET IS FILLED WITH JUST FRIENDS PLACES??






I REST MY CASE YOU HONOR,,,,WINK,




NONE HERE CAN TRULY BE ""FINE"" ALONE EVEN THOUGH THEY ""THINK"" THEY HAVE THEIR BEST GRIPS ON THAT IDEA!!!

They must still be kidding with themselves and that idea as to have looked,,for one,,to stay and flirt or seek to make friends,,shows an inner desire to BE MORE!!!!


Just my crazy thoughts??????? But I am STILL always open to explore other possibilities through all mentions,,and THANKS for
your replies to help me see this side,,but tell me of mine here?? lol.

Being alone a lot of years wasn't so bad really

the girls were my life and they kept me sooo busy

sure

there were times I longed for a man
for a relationship

but good friends always stepped in and filled the void ya know

then when I did find the arms of another. After the girls were all grown

it was incredible! Because we were both more mature. More able to communicate etc

it's really great!!

( here she goes again. All wishy washy!!)

Wishy Washy is GREAT by ME,,,lol,lol
And for some it will never be like many and vie-saverso,,,,,wink,
BUT glad YOUR time was COOL...

A different view of this subject.

I don't think man was meant to lead a solitary existance, we are typically a herd type being. There are members of this herd, that go off alone, usually due to some horrendous trama to their soul. In my younger years, the Omaha area had a "hermit" & I heard him speak. The horror of WWI made him pull away from the herd, but yet he enjoyed meeting the young. I see many here wanting a relationship, but the "horror" of the past, keeps getting in the way. We all are product of what has happened to us, we still asssociate with the herd, BUT want the control of finding EXACTLY what we want. (I know this is true of me) Sometimes what we want is NOT attainable. The members of this herd seem to want to prove their independance, by demanding to get exactly what they want & accepting NOTHING else. They would rather spend more time alone, than compromise & take the chance, again. These herd members "gather" at sites, like this one, to continue seeking for that control, amongst like herd members. Many finding that it is better just being amongst the herd, than being TOTALLY alone. Thus, I am here to combat my loneliness, as I know what I seek, is not attainable. I accept this, associate with the herd, for it is better to be with like being's, than go live in a cave ALONE.

very well said, Oldsage...

How many people spend their life looking past those that are standing in front of them is search of that "perfect" person only to find out that when they meet the person that they thought fulfilled all the "requirements" was not what they wanted anymore?

Everyone has something that makes them special. I think it is better to get to know someone who has a few of the things on "the list" rather than searching in vain for perfection. You never know. As you get to know someone, that person may be more like the person you seek than you realized at first.

The Lady makes a valid point.
We all make our choices & thus we live our lives.
So, don't complain how things are, if you want "change", DO IT.


INTENTION = RESULTS


(a great saying)

and once again....very well said..

I am still healing. My list is not even on the agenda, and is sort of vague. I 'feel' people when in person and know then how we will get on. And people do surprise a person. I agree with what you are saying 100%, working against the 'set in my ways' adage, it's difficult but worth it.