so ok heres the deal,ive been dating my ex on and off for about almost 4 years.well hes in the army and he is getting ready to leave for iraq again,this time hes been much more affectionate and hes opening doors for me.

and last night he looked at me and he was like im sorry its hard for me to tell you that i love you.

well hes been married once before and had a kid from that marriage and has another kid by his ex girlfriend who he is living with but says hes got plans to move out and get his own place.ive read the divorce papers he filed it because she was unfaithful.

truth be told when im lying in bed with him hes always touching on me like holding my hands or having me lay my head on his chest.

we did briefly talk about having kids and how hard it would be for me to have kids and he said he had no problems trying lol.and i jokingly asked him for my wedding ring and he dont ask him about that right now because hes got too many pots on the stove.

well before he left to go do his army thing i said i loved him and he said it right back.but hes definitely become a lot more affectionate towards me now then he ever has in the past.hes even taking a concern about my having to keep my sugar balanced.


anyway ive dated other guys and haven't felt the way i do about him and no relationship of mine has ever lasted this long.my question is..is he afraid to get married again?

it took us 3 years to be actually to be able to spend 3 days together and have a nice meal and have him meet my family.

and i wasting my time or do all good things come to those who wait?

It sounds like he wants to get everything cleared up before anything too serious comes around, I don't think he is afraid to get married, he just doesn't want to make the same mistake twice, and yes that is what they say "All good things come to those who wait" Just give him time and see what happens. Good Luck.

WOW the guy's got it made!!! Live-in girlfriend, a little X on the side.

He's being affectionate because he is getting ready to go to WAR and put his life in danger!! He's getting what he can because it may be the last.

It sounds to me like he just wants to keep you longing for him while he is overseas. If the guy is really into you why did it take 3 years for him to meet your family? Enjoy your time with him but don't make him any promises until he is in a position to make promises to you.

it took him so long b.e he wasnt in the same state i was he spent alot of his years over on oklahoma at fort sill

not really enough info for me to judge the guy. Sounds like he has a lot on his plate....He wouldn't be the only soldier contemplating his mortality.

What I can say is this.....

Waiting for things to come to you can be a good thing or a bad thing. Me personally, when I really want something....I will bust my @zz to earn it. Some times in life you just gotta go for it.... take hope by the throat and force the chance......after all, if you don't throw your cards on the table...you can't win the game.

Just do what you feel is right Honey...that is the best that any of us can do. Win or lose...ain't nearly as important as being willing to have the courage to at least try to make yourself happy.

Best of luck babydoll.

yeah its been 4 years and ive never gotten any kind of ring showing that this is going to move foward.but he complains about his babies momma but wont move out or kick her out

I'm not bashing you here so please don't get defensive.
If you feel like this guy is worth waiting for, then wait.
However, wait with your head held high, by not allowing him to have you and his "other" life. He doesn't have to make much change now, because you are giving him the best of both worlds. You can always make it clear to him that you are interested, but not until he gets it together and can be with you only. Otherwise, you will continue to be just a friend with those nice benefits. You are worth so much more than just a girl seeing a guy who lives with someone else. It may be complicated, but if he wants to be with you, he will figure out a way.

Well said.

Hey, if it looks like a duck...walks like a duck...quacks like duck..You got yourself a duck! Something about this doesn't ring true...take care of you..If he was serious about you, I think he might have "done the right thing" according to you before now! Good luck!

Sometimes good things pass us by if we wait too long...

i hope so

Hummm seems to me he has it made he is living with one woman then he has you on the side. Sorry but why should he leave the other one for you when he has both at the moment. Funny how when people are cheating they always make the one they live with look bad to the other one they are sleeping with.

My opinion is drop the guy he will do you the same way in the end......it's a tough call but finally sooner or later one must face reality.............

Maybe he needs to see his children raised via financial support, etc and then he will be freed up to marry you. Could be his unit(and not his military unit) has been doing all of his thinking thus far.

well hes got 2 kids by 2 different women,not a crime i know

but i though before 4 years id get a ring or something

but when i jokingly asked him were my ring was he said not to ask him about that because got other stuff to deal with and hes never the one mentioning marriage


were supposed to be officially dating and he says hes not ****ing his babies momma that hes living with.i just want to believe him so badly that i break down and cry to think he could be possibly ****ing her.

he was so soo soo affectionate to me this time around its like hes opening up more

He's playing you like a fish.

Dump him before he really does some damage.

If you like what you are getting, keep doing what you are doing.
If you want something different, YOU have to do something different.
Don't wait for him to do something different because I bet he finds the current situation pretty nice.

i definitely dont like going back to crying all time i makes me so tired

on one hand it feels like when i need to talk to him i cant get him to call me back when i need him

on the other hand i love they way hes became more affectionate

but i shouldnt be crying all day

Love doesn't hurt. You deserve a guy who makes you happy, not sad.

thats yet to be determined for me... niether confirmed nor denied....