What do you do when you have an emotionless marriage yet do not want to
drop a nuclear device on your kids?

it is healthier for children to be raised by people that are in love
with each other than to live the lie. miserable moms dont make good
moms. if your marriage is over in every way but on paper the just end
it. in the end the children will benefit from you being true to yourself
first.

I agree with Heatherrae ... :) ... AND the kids WILL "feel " the lack
of love .. trust me I know from experience ... :)

It may hurt now, BUT be open and honest with them ,...they will
understand ... ONLY IF you BOTH tell the kids .. not just one of you ..
they do NOT need to know ALL the details just that MOM and DAD cannot
live together anymore ....

Can't believe I already have replies. Thanks to both of you. The main
issue I fight with myself over is which direction is truly the selfish
one, and which one is the self-sacrificial one. I am one of those who
believes that self-sacrifice is a huge part of love. I love my children
very much and I have just not resolved that basic dilemma yet.

I would put a shirt on so they wouldn't be traumatized by all my nudity
and see if that didn't excite the wife some.

Ok I'm smarting off.

A bad divorce can be much worse than a bad marriage. Divorce kinda
sucks, living alone through the years without your kids does too. If
there is no emotion now wait till you tell her you are leaving and
taking your financial support with you.

Try marriage counseling- try something...

Just don't give up...

Divorce is hard on kids.

Just don't fight in front of them- if you two are doing that.

You never know- you might just save your marriage.

You loved each other enough to have gotton married and have

kids at one time. Maybe you both just need a refresher coarse.

Goodluck to you both and your kids. Whatever you do- don't

either one of you use your kids as ammunition. JMHO

i know what u mean BooneHamilton, i feel in the same boat.. -.-

My parents stayed in the marriage for "the kids sake".
I compare my youth to friends with divorced parents. Mine was a lot more
stable and enjoyable.
Now that all of the kids are moved out, their marriage is improving.

Boone...

It is hard to say. I have 2 children, one took it very hard, HATED me
for years for taking him away from his father. My younger son took it
alot better. Now that it has been over for years, I have a great
relationship with both my sons. BUT, in all honesty...it has taken years
for that to happen. I was not able to stay in my marriage in spite of my
children. I needed to be happy in my life, so I did what I needed to do.

Don't know if you are supposed to reply/contribute to your own blog so
if not they can cancel me. Here's another piece of this mosaic--I am a
child custody and criminal defense attorney. I see this stuff every
day. My advice to clients is to get out with your kids and your
credit--if the situation has truly become counter-productive enough.
That test is my personal dilemma--it is tolerable yet empty. We do not
fight or yell; we do not hate each other; we really are like two
individuals raising children, and it seems the kids are well adjusted.
So, I'm back to the analysis of which route is the more selfish.

I have stayed in a bad marriage for the sake of the child.
My son, aged 10 then, urged me to leave to find a bit of happiness for
myself. Children feel when something is wrong, and keeping it up doesn't
make it right. Talk to the kids about your feelings, let them know
slowly, not only you, but your partner as well.

are you thinking about your kids ? really? humm i wonder how your kids
will feel when they know u are married to their mom yet you are looking
for someone else? or with someone else if it gets to that..if ya dont
divorce and continue your behaviors im sure it will be a nuclear device
dropped on your children ...one you may regret... "my mom and dad got
divorced cause my dad was a cheat..." hummm

facts i dont think you are thinking of your kids that much seems selfish
to me.....

to each your own ...but gonna be hard for your kids to forgive you for
that one.....

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staying for the kids will not work in the long run..

Everyone's perspective is appreciated and provokes thought.

you have to think about what kind of relationships you are teaching your
kids to have....an unhealthy one????

no offense boone been there ..in relationships that have gone bad... i
know that its hard to think clear when all this is going on.... for kids
sake its best that you are able to think more clearly....if its all that
bad that you feel to be on here looking for someone new... but you arent
ready to make a decision on the relationship you already have going on
why drag someone else into it? not fair to them... if your kids find out
not fair to them... if your wife finds out... she will be angry of
course.. then more grumpy around kids.. then in turn you will be also...
may end up in a divorce anyway... so why stay if your are gonna stray?
seems to me you need to make up your mind before you make a move.... or
its just gonna involve more people and be even a wayyyyyy worse
situation in the long run.... and why? all im saying is for sure your
kids will blame you... if this occurs.. to where if you just get
divorced your children wont be near as sour at you... plus you need to
set examples for your children..

You really don't need to stay together,,,
You already KNOW your truth to this problem,,and YOU don't want to deaL
WITH LOSING HER FOREVER, SO YOU ARE JUST USING THE CHILDRENS LOVE AS A
COP-OUT FOR DOING WHAT IN YOUR MIND IS THE only real answer,,,divorce.
Let your kids grow KNOWING the TRUTH,,not train them to mislead or tell
false-hoods to others.
They will grow still loving both of you the same as they do now,,,but
they will see and feel the real pains of love and HOW life can turn
out,,and to deal with THAT is for THEM to GROW in mind and in
heart,,,but THAT IS REAL LIFE,,,
You can't candy coat HURT and seperation to SAVE ANYTHING,,,your both
just living a lie and there is no love like there was,,,and its
gone!!! SORRY, but now GROW UP AND LESTEN TO YOUR HEART, for the
kids sake...