Ok- im going to be the overprotective mother that i am and the baby isn't even mine-

get your life in order- get custody of your daughter if that is what needs to be done- get your ex the help she needs and get your hiney off dating sites until this is taken care of- you are being selfish- taking care of your needs before the needs of your child- how can you be looking for a new relationship when the one you are in the process of leaving is such a disaster?????????

You seem to be the only stable person in that baby's life! Be a FATHER!!!!!! she is THE most important person and responsibility in your life- you are a PARENT first!!!!

I would say just give her to me and I'll raise her- but that is just impractical and silly but if you want to play on dating sites- how ready are you to be a DAD!?!?!?!?!?

Jess642:
You entittle to your own happiness and why not? why go into deep sadness where you can actually talk to people here. This site is not all about dating... You can make a lot of friends to talk to here and give you right advice here and not get involve if you choose not to?

Are you really ready to consider a new relationship?

I wonder...with so much going on in your world right now....your life seems pretty full up.

Custody cases are not the most pleasant experiences, and the demands of an almost one year old child, is going to take up all of your focus once you get custody, IF you get custody.

I feel you are maybe spreading yourself a little too thin, to be able to offer a relationship of a romantic nature, with anyone.

If you are still dreaming of your ex....you are not emotionally 'done' yet.


I wonder.....

hmm thats difficult. if you ever need to talk i'm a good listener.

ive tried to many times to work it out with her for me to want her back. I am the kind of guy who rather work it out then run but shes the kinda women who rather fight then fix the issue. Honestly it was poor judgement on my part on having a baby with her but I am so happy I did because I wouldent have my pride and joy.

Please do not take what I am about to say personally, but in regards to the two issues you brought up, bipolar, and "women going through certain emotions after they have a child...".

There is no such thing as "too bipolar". Either you are or your not. It is something that CAN be helped with proper counseling and medication, but you will have to be on the medication for the rest of your life in most cases, and counseling caries as to how long it can last. You stated that your daughters mother is not willing to seek counseling (I am assuming marriage or something along those lines), so I trust this means she is not seeking help with the bipolar issues either? If this is the case, then you have to decide what's best for you and your daughter and follow through. but keep in mind that it is going to be a very difficult time and choice, no matter which decision you make. I have been there and speak from experience; and no you don't EVER truly get over leaving them when they are obviously sick. But, again sometimes you have to decide whats better for you, and especially your baby daughter.

The other side of it though is the fact that yes many women DO go through what is commonly known as post partem depression, which can be a very major and sometimes very scary, deal for everyone concerned, especially the mother. And again, it comes down to her having to be willing to seek treatment for this issue if she does suffer from it.

In both cases, there is nothing you can personally do to help her other than support her emotionally, and make sure she knows you love her and are there for her no matter what. Just whatever you do, if you decide the better choice is to seperate, do not EVER hold it against her, or talk bad about her to your daughter. Both of my boys know their mother is "sick" and that that is the reason for what she does and does not do in their lives. I have gone to great pains to make sure that they both know how much she loves them, even though she has problems showing that love in a way they always understand.

Good luck and God Bless.

Are you sure we are not related? I said basically the same thing- I guess it is true what they say- Great minds think alike

We all are entitled to having a life.... to reaching out to others....

I am not single and am on a dating site.... so am certainly NOT critising that... I am asking the OP, if he is really ready to be in a new relationship...


and I am entitled to my own observations, and this young buck sounds like he has a full plate with all that is going on in his world...I will ask what he really has to offer.... it may save him a whole lot more heartache from another failed relationship...and his daughter a devastated daddy.

Take care of one's EXISTING priorities FIRST, before adding more to them...is a more sensible way of doing things, in my book.

your absolutly rght I am not ready for a full commitment yet but that doesnt mean I cant find someone out their who I can talk to, build a friendship with and then see what happens from their. I am in a tight situation but that doesnt mean I should be dead to the world and my own needs. I know that as long as I look to the future and act postive everything will fall into place.

And your book Jess...


Is a bestseller to me!!!

I would just concentrate on that baby!!

First and foremost!!

Tammy....thankyou.

I know I come across as fairly blunt... and quite brutal in my asking of questions...

it comes from wanting people to have SUCCESSFUL relationships, and for their children to have a healthy role model to grow up with.

Sometimes compassion isn't wrapped in pretty rainbows.

I don't want to hurt the OP...I just want him to really look at his life, and what he is placing above his child....and for whom....?

Where do you live? most states, if you feel there is a danger to the child, and obviously you do if you state that it looks like you will get physical custody in the end, the you can go to the family court and petition for emergency temporary custody of the child, as her father (This is assuming you are on the birth certificate and everything). You will have to have proof of why you feel the danger is there, and i most cases, severe mental health issues, with the parent in question refusing to seek help is grounds enough to get temporary custody.

Go to your family court office first thing Monday Morning and find out what you need to do (and don't let them tell you that you are required to have a lawyer because they can not legally require you to get a lawyer), and then do what needs to be done.

YOU, my friend need to relax a bit, and not be so judgemental. Each person is different, and handles stress and difficulties in different ways. If he feels ready to go out looking for another relationship then all the power to him. Maybe it will help him get over being separated from his daughter's mother more easily. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with ANY single parent, being on a dating site, or looking to date, so long as their child(ren) are being taken care of.

He has stated that he is stuck right now with leaving his daughter in her mother's care; I am assuming he is working to change that, especially considering he has stepped to the plate and asked for advise and help. Do you think that this occupies 100% of his life and time? I can tell you it does not.

You claim that you are trying to be the overprotective mother here; what I see is you not being protective of the child, but trying to make this gentleman feel bad because he asked for help, and is seeking to find someone to have a relationship with, which will actually help the child MORE, if he is able to find somebody that he can spend time with as an adult, who will help him with his troubles and provide the comfort that HE needs as well. He is only human, and if he gets no support and comfort he may well snap eventually, and what will happen to the child then?

Try and be a little more compassionate and understanding, ok? I promise it goes a long way

It took me 2 years to heal myself after a break-up from a 6 year relationship.

If you are still having these dreams or thoughts, I would avoid dating until you are completely over her and healed; otherwise, you will have dysfunctional relationships.

You look too young to have children. Wow. You really need to focus on your education and your child before you think about dating. Poor baby didn't ask to be born to such an out-of-balance family.

You will find lots of friends on Mingle though!

I wish you the best.

Very good attitude OP. SOunds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

Im not trying to make him feel bad- he is 22 years old!!! has a 1 year old and a messed up relationship- I am trying to make him see that he needs to get his priorities in order- get his life together before involving someone else in it- I am completely relaxed- but I so appreciate your input and I will of course take it under advisement

I just looked ta his profile; he is 23, and is in the healthcare profession which means at the least he is a cna or HHP.
If he started college at 17, the it is even possible that he is a certified doctor already, though not too likely I admit.
And the fact that he stated it looks as if he will receive permenant physical custody dictates that he IS seeing to his child. Coming on here and asking for advise is also a very big sign of maturity, and responsible thinking.

So how can you suggest he think of his child and education first? it is apparant htat he already has and does.

Even at 23 a person is not done with education. He should always think of his child first regardless of anything (that is a given).

I am 43 and just now finishing my master's. By the time I finish my doctoral, I will be 45 or 46. I don't have kids or other distractions and it took me time. He probably has quite a few more hurdles, including financial ones, so yes, it's fair that I pose these issues.

With most certainty, he does make much more than $30k a year and that is very little money when you have a child and you still need to continue your education.