Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A: Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

Q: What is the most common craving during pregnancy?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: I'm seven weeks pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the diaper very quickly.

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex once a year.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why is this?
A: Because you're fatter then they are.

Q: My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A: Your therapist.

Q: Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q: What is the grasp reflex?
A: The reaction of new fathers when they see a new mother's breasts.

Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

Q: What are night terrors?
A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again.

Remind me never to get pregnant

yep... think i need to go back on the pill

Twelve more reasons why Mzem never got preganate