...so that it might benefit you in the long run?

...or that karma might come back and repay you in kind?

...or do you just tell them they're on their own?

Scenario:

I have an acquaintance that I never should have bothered with in the first place. He seemed alright at first when I was getting him back into school and things, but after a while it turned into me doing all sorts of things for him and getting nothing in return.

I don't expect things in return for the favors I do, but after so much it seems to become expected. I wind up being used by him as I do by damn near everybody else. Can you show me how to use Powerpoint? Can I get a cigarette? Can I use your phone? ...he asks

Sure, no big deal....the first 10 times. Then it gets kind of old and the person gets kind of annoying. To wrap this up, today he comes by, wakes me up, and says he needs to get out of the apartment complex because he got in a fight with his wife and the cops are making him leave. He asks me to take him somewhere and drop him off. Good God, do I have to do everything for this guy? So I figured I'd take him across town and drop him at the homeless shelter, and hopefully it'll be a while, or never, that he makes it back up my way.

It seems like even after I got out of a bad lifestyle, I still attract people that just wanna use me. So I'm wondering how far do you let people walk on you and what will you do to get rid of them?

People can't use you...unless you let them.

Yes, I give and expect nothing in return most of the time.
But there are limits, and you must set boundries.

People know when they are taking full advantage, and using you.


Noone can use you unless you let them.

You typically dont give when you need for yourself, if you do, you best have faith in something greater than yourself to reward you for your deed, and give back to you what you need.

Dust yourself off, ths is obviously a d-bag, and do YOU for a while.

amen.

there is a difference between being kind and helpful and being a doormat

I'll do anything to help out anybody right up until they act like its expected of me. then it dries up

when this happens, ask him for something right then, and if he has a surprised look on his face, tell him that you go out of your way everytime he asks, and he'll either do something for you if he wants to remain a friend, or he will promptly leave, knowing he repeatedly wrongs you....if he doesn't realize this, then make it a point if he wants to remain friends, for he has few, and he'd better start valuing you, for you haven't the patience or time to pick up after this man. this is his lesson in life, and he's not getting the point. if he gets acidic, and harrasses you, the law is a good way to give him the message, or i'll send vinny down to you....


and yes....kharma good and bad accordingly will comeback on both sides

I do in hopes to inspire belief and hope itself that there are good people, that you can choose a better path in life... as unlikely as it is, that I can help not just the life of that one, but in turn give them better energy to be better for the people in their lives, and hopefully do the same for them.

P.S. sorry i didnt read anything besides the main question

Well, don't let yourself used and even if you feel like being used, take it as that regardless they used you because of your good will, they might/might not ever realize their wickedness or get their deserved fate, it doesn't matter.

That's not the point though..don't wish for hardship for others even if they would deserve it.

I think it was Schindlers' List (movie) that I memorized one of the best quotes ever

"Power is when we have every justification to kill, and we don't."

This could be translated like this also

"Power is when we have every justification not to help and yet we help anyway."

Yes, I agree. I'm a sucker. I do a lot for people that never really appreciate it. People have usually already walked all over me by the time I realize they're going from recieving a favor to taking advantage. And I don't often complain about it because, like you said, I let them do these things. So, eventually, in this scenario, I think I did him one more favor, a favor to his wife by getting rid of him, and a favor to me as well by taking him far away from here. So I was kinda wondering if I really did us all a favor, or if I just perpetuated further advantage taking by him, or of myself.

Sure I still do things for people I don't care for...i.e.

You are not a sucker, you just have your priorities set the wrong way. First is YOU and then everybody else. So always think of yourself first, it's not selfishness if your life is not going the way you planned and you aren't doing it for the expense of others.

I think I'm a pretty giving person, but I can't deal with people who don't/won't help themselves. There's a difference between helping a friend once in a while and carrying them.

Wink, its NOT that YOU attract bad people, its that YOU ARE ATTRACTED to the kind of people who have used you!
So there's your FLAG,,if ANYONE you meet reminds you of one who has used you in the past,,,,,,,RUN,,,move on,and don't think twice about it..Form a habit of being careful as to who YOU allow in your circle. Always be your giving self,wink,have a limit to what you give...
Lets say I loan someone some money,,well a year has passed and they never paid that back,,then I run into them again, and they hit me up for some money,,,NOPE,,ain't gonna happen,and I will remind them of a short loan I gave them a year earlier,wink,,THAT does not make ME feel bad at all,,
I WILL HELP ANYBODY, even a STRANGER, if I can,,BUT I WILL NOT LET someone USE ME, if I can help from it...
Many relationships START with sharing a place with their other, then in a short time period the OTHER, falls short on whatever was agreed to for them to DO,PAY,HELP,ect.. at that place they are sharing..
Talked to MORE than I can count on here who have DONE THIS...
THEN, they split, and HATE each other,,drama,drama,drama,
Life is really SHORT,,,live it to be kind, but not to TRY AND BE TO KIND...Thats ABUSE....and ITS YOU DOING IT TO YOURSELF...wink,
Good luck and keep up on all your smiles,,wink

Yes, I will (and often do) do things for people that I either have no feelings for or dislike.. there is such a thing as common curtesy, basic goodwill for our fellow man, etc.. and sometimes it is simply because I feel it will be for a greater good ...

that being said...

there is a BIG difference between being kind hearted & helpful and being misused, abused, taken for granted and being walked on.

It's kinda like the old proverb..
give a man a fish, he will eat today
teach him to fish, he will always have food.

It's up to YOU to discern which one you are doing.. a good deed or being a crutch.

Hope this helps

Dont be codependant my friend, you dont need to be needed.

I like that. Gonna add that to my list of good quotes.

yes my mother oh not to benifit me, other than to be a good person that i will never be to her anyway lol...so i know i did the right thing

I try to be the person my dog thinks I am.

But after a while, I tend to bite these kinds of people.



I have had to ask for help of one kind or another, so I owe a bit more to others I think.

Yeah, I learned the prioritizing myself first in rehab and saw how it does actually help. In a way, I kinda was making myself my own first priority, in that taking him far away from here would hopefully be a way to keep him away and keep him from taking any further advantage of me and the little time I have to spare. But it is still doing him a favor and doing something I did not really want to do nor had much time to do. So I think by getting rid of him (I'm hoping), I freed up much more time in the future that would have otherwise been spent being a sucker/doormat. But I wonder if I am really getting any wisdom (well, wisdom is sort of unquestionable) or value out of doing this, or if it just points to further abuse of my friendship down the road.