Cheating is only that if it is considered so by her partner.

If he (in his love for her and respect for her needs) is ok with this...

IS it cheating.

It is obvious that 2 people were crippled during that accident. If it was my wife who was laying in bed, I would not find someone to sleep around with. Thinking about it, when I was single I did not sleep around for sex either; so I know I wouldn't do it if my wife was disabled.

But more importantly, if I was laying in that bed and I knew my wife was seeking the touch of another man I would beg her daily to give me an over dose of pills. I would not want to live with myself knowing that I was such a curse to the woman I loved. Knowing that I was no longer the man who inspired her or eased her pain or took care of her or simply made her smile when she caught me looking at her. Instead I would be reminded that my body was a prison holding both of us.

Were I her husband... those thoughts would scream through my head every day...every time her fingers touched my cheek...every time I smelled her perfume... every time she kissed me goodnight and turned out the light. I would rage at having my world ripped from me and at the cruelty of fate for allowing me to witness the aftermath.

And that is one of the more important reasons why I would not have an affair on my wife if she were in that bed.

two being crippled is a good way to put it....
they are both in constant pain, not what they had in mind when they married 12 years ago.
Some grand life lesson for them both I suppose, if not then just some real crappy luck.

No, it is definitely a bonifide tragedy of great magnitude. Ask yourself this question:

If you were in the wife's position... would you even be able to enjoy a night of sex? Would you be able to kiss your husband good night, meet your man on the side and not see his face in your mind's eye the whole time?

I have said this earlier in the thread...
She is not having any affairs.. She gets laid 3 times a year and is home taking care of him every other night..She is a wonderful person and has offers to continue seeing someone. She does not go out on a regular basis and carry on with men. She doesn't want to keep seeing the same man, she feels like that would be cheating. Like it or not, agree or not... she loves him and 3 nights a year she leaves him in the care of others and gets laid.
I know her and I know that she would much rather be making love with Eddie.
Much criticism about her here.. I know she would give her soul to make love with her husband again.

I am trying to avoid criticizing her. I have never said she is a good person or a bad one, I am only trying to place myself in both of their positions.

OK, so let's use the phrase getting laid...

Would you be able to kiss your husband good night, prepare yourself for another man, get laid and enjoy it? Or would you be so focused on the situation that you wouldn't enjoy it?

She is not happy...and I don't think she is enjoying it.
She is 44 and at times the sensations overwhelm her.
It has been just over 2 years.. i think in time the lack
of the emotional aspect will force her to just bag the idea of it all anyway.
She is only doing the best she can in a tragic situation.
Like I said, I know her, have for many years. She would sell
her soul for another chance to make love with her husband.

sex isnt the most important thing in the world and if because its lacking you cheat on the person you supposedly love, youre fvcked up.

i wouldn't know how to handle if my future wife got hurt in any way and couldn't give me sex. i think i would feel very confused and scared of hurting her more.

if i was the one in a whell chair and couldn't sleep with my wife, i would talk to her about what she needs, wants and feels. if after a while she needed sex and i couldn't give it to her. maybe i would be in the right frame of mind to want her to be happy in everyway. this is something each person in a relationship needs to deicde and talk through..

so bathing him, feeding him, wiping his butt, reading to him every night, paying all the bills is not love?
Is it cheating if he is just grateful that she stays with him and takes care of him....?
Sex is sex, anyone can have sex...does not mean it is love. How many would do all these other things for someone...

that still doesnt negate what i said

what you said matters not,
you are not walking in their shoes,
you are not living their life.

It is easy to be on the outside looking in and judge others...

touche

hello lorri,my twin brother is a paraplegic,and i have just asked his view on the topic.He says he understands that the lady in question still get horny,but he said that she should off sat down and chatted about her needs with her husband first if she loves him.as he would respect her more for being honest.Truth beknown the womens husband will still get the horn as well even though he is disabled " as my brother still does " but like my brother says if it was his wife,he would'nt expect her to stay with him just to care for him the rest of his life,he would be more upset if he found out that she was sleeping with other men.my brother says that if he loved his wife that much he would be prepaired to let his wife go and start a new life and just stay good freinds.but honesty is the best route to begin with in that situation." but like my brother says if aint got it in the hips- you still got it in the lips "

That is kind of the point I am trying to get at. I do not believe that she is doing it just to have sex. If she loves him as much as you say (and I have no reason to doubt you) then she probably would not find much (if any) enjoyment in it and would probably suffer a great deal of guilt after the fact.

However, it is likely that before the accident she defined herself through her husbands eyes. She liked the person he saw when he looked at her and she wanted to be that person. After the accident she may have found herself feeling disconnected from that self-image. Her "just getting laid" might be a way for her to try and cope/escape from the stress of the situation and try to remember what it was like before.

If that is true, I think I would have more sympathy for her than if she just wants sex 3 times a year. I don't think it will work because she is engaging in behaviors that are counter to the self-image that she is trying to recapture.

That is about as far as I would be willing to go with my argument. It is so full of assumptions and conjectures that it is bordering on worthless... but it is possible to see this issue in more than just black and white.

it is good to see someone has gone beyond the judgmental name calling and assumptions... in a situation such as this there is more than just a man in a wheel chair and a slut wife..

WOW. just wow.

My husband was extremely sick with cancer. Never once thought of leaving or anything else.

well basically if she wasn't using it as an excuse she would neither be doing it nor talking about it!