I understand what you're saying. It's an awful situation to be in to me. My brother lives out-of-town. I'm not kidding, if he were to lay a hand on my child when I visit him, I would threaten to call the police. Yes, it would get ugly.

Your brother is a stranger to your child then, right? That's what your child saw...a stranger spanking them.

I'm sorry that happened to you and your child.

Boy if I called the cops on my brother, I wouldn't hear the end of it from my entire family! Oh god I could imagine what my brothers girlfriend would say or do to me! LMAO. You have more guts than I :)

I wouldn't hear the end of it either. My mom would kill me. lol
I said "Threaten to call the police."

Thanks Winn. I have a memory of something similar myself. I think a number of kids try stealing at one point or another; in my case I was about 7 or 8 and snuck to the corner store where "granny" worked. When her back ws turned I stole tow of the large peppermint patties. My mom found me about 5 steps out of the store (I think Granny called lol), and at first was gonna lay into me for leaving the yard etc. When she realized I had stolen the candy, she mad me go back in the store by myself (She stood by the door out of sight) and return them and apologize also; I ended up sweeping out the store that day (which I enjoyed doing anyway lol) but the sheer embarassment of having to tell Granny that I stole from her.... Needless to say I have never done that again.


--------

In regards to your later post also about if your brother were to spank your son, I have to agree with you. My brother was watching my boys at one point, getting paid by the state for doing so, and he decided he was gonna spank my youngest for mouthing off. Well, I ended up losing my job but I refused to leave my children with my brother again as he pulled the same line of "when in my house, my rules are law". yes, I spank my children if the situation warrants it, but NO ONE spanks my child other than me. I will knock teeth out for it.

now just in retrospect too, if said child is 16 or 17 and they hit an adult, that 16/17 year old is not a child. I have a friend who knocked a 16 year old on his *** (one hit to the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him) when the 16 year old threatened him with a bat. They boys father came flying at my friend, and did some damage, but was also arrested for assaulting my friend, as was his son for threatening bodily damage. They tried the child abuse scenario, and the judge laughed.
My point is, everything needs to be kept in perspective, and people need to remember who is actually the one in authority.

lmao, my father tried telling me I was an ******* for pulling my kids out of my brothers care and then tried to tell me that when in his house, etc.... Well, I ended up "threatening" to not allow contact with my kids if he was going to be like that, and after three days of not seeing them (we lived one block away) he backed down and admitted he had been out of line. I made sure he understood that his rules woudld be followed of course, it IS his house lol, but NO ONE spanks my son but me ;-)

Children have their own minds and they know what is right and what is wrong . Some deliberately make wrong things to upset their parents or teachers . They think it is just another fun or another joke .
Understanding children is not easy and it takes lots pf patience and a lot of work too . .

My house, my rules seems reasonable.

It is best of course, if u are leaving your child in the care of someoene else to first learn what the rules of their house are. I think especially when other children are involved its more traumatic to be the odd one out than to have a swat on the behind. In my home , as in my siblings homes, spankings are permitted. If someone left their child in my care I would be sure they knew as much and if they didnt approve I would still not have a personal problem looking after their child but I would have to share with the other children ( when they asked) that that parent didnt approve of the spankings which would make it uncomfortable for all.

I think its best to leave children in places where things like diet and discipline are common to what they have at home. I wouldnt leave a vegetarian child to a house full of meat eating children and I wouldnt leave a time out child in a home where spanking was the method of discipline ( or vice versa)

I think it is against the law for other people to spank your kid .

it's a thin line issue. Most places that it is legal to spank, will not prosecute another family member for spanking your child unless you force the issue; although they WiLL prosecute if the spanker is not a relative.

nope. schools do it all the time.

although i think it should be illegal...

my house my rules, yes I agree completely. however rules are not discipline. They are guidelines that each individual person follows.

I can count on one hand the number of spankings my children got from me. I can't begin to count the number I got as a child. Again, that line between abuse and discipline. My mother was verbally and physically abusive (Thanks Dr. Tocci for getting me to finally be able to admit that!!!)
I have NEVER and will NEVER spank my child in anger. There are consequences to her actions and she knows this ahead of time. Sometimes time out works, sometimes grounding...other times the connection between behind and brain needs to get met.
I think it's a huge problem in today's society, this younger generation has so little respect for authority of any kind. I've seen it time and time again, a completely worn out parent with a tween or teen or child who is throwing a screaming hissy fit, being disrespectful and hateful to their parent and all the parent does is say "Now Johnny/Jane, stop that."
I always write and send a note to the school that NO you cannot spank my child, if she's messed up that badly, call me and I'll deal with it. My youngest is 12 and very respectful, polite and courteous. I haven't spanked her in 2 years. I believe the lessons she learned at a younger age have stuck with her. There were ALWAYS discussions before and after the punishment to reinforce the Why's of it. Now that she's older, I have found other methods of dealing with misbehavior as it happens. Amazing what away priveledges(sp?) will do to a tween.

While I believed that there were and are certain situations where a spank on the behind is the most apropriate disciplene. I don't believe in doing it publicly, in anger, or should it ever terrorize the child. My kids knew that certain behaviors would result in a spanking which they didn't look forward to but I don't think it ever really scared them as much as they didn't like it as it made them feel like a little kid and was uncomfortable. Least that is what they told me later in life.

But even with my own grandchildren, neices, nephews, or very close friends children did I ever spank a child without their parents express permission. Most people know me well enough to know that if I felt a child deserved a spanking they did. I did not spank kids for honest mistakes or accidents. Rarely was it a first form of disciplene.

My belief is, and always has been that if the parents were present it was their responsibility to control their children. It has been unusual but I have told parents to take their child to the bathroom for disiplene since I do NOT believe in ganging up on a kid or humiliateing a child publicly. On a few rare occasions I have told people to take their kids home. Since being at our house was something kids usually enjoyed a lot without things being out of control disciplene was not often needed.

While it is still legal in many school districts to use corporal punishment I am totally against that and always have been. Too many children have been injured and and a person not even in the classroom can NOT know the whole story. If a teacher has a student that is out of control they should always have the option to refuse a student admitance to their classroom. I do believe there are many teachers who just can not handle the situation. Growing class sizes are making it that much more difficult.

I will say I made it very clear to school personel that if they felt my child needed disciplene that they could call me at any time to school to handle it. But I also made it clear they better NEVER put a hand on any of my children. I had a bunch of them between mine and all our foster kids and live in relatives. But I also made it very clear to my kids that if a teacher had to call me they would wish I had let the principle paddle them. lol However my kids teachers liked them and said they felt like I backed them up.

you never should spank a child in anger

that was the whole point of my mom sending me outside to cut a switch from the peach tree. it gave her time to calm down and made a ritual out of it instead of just an angry mom beating the crap out of a kid

I'm have to disagree with this. If my Uncle was in my child's life everyday and watches my child when I go out, that Uncle is like a babysitter to me. He's not the parent. I still wouldn't let him spank my child.

(Yes I know my spelling is awful and my grammar is even worse, but I am working on it, and it has gotten far better since I began posting on these forums.)

Honestly, I got a whoopin almost every day of my childhood from my real father. My brother got those "guilt" punishments.

Looking at both of us today, my brother is really messed up in the head, but the problem is that he trusts me so much I am one of the very few people who get to see that side of him. I personally can never do that to a child.

Please do not get me wrong, I am not saying I am perfect in any shape, form, or fashion, but what I am saying is that simply saying no to a whoopin because of what it is can not be the way. There is a difference between a whoopin and a beating.

If the child knows and understands boundaries, and you set him rules, I think a fair middle ground can be made.

EXAMPLE:
Doing each of the chores is a different amount of money towards thier weekly allowance. If any one of them is not done, you subtract that amount from the total. Me personally I would offset the scales so that if they did not do at least 50% of the chores, they would get nothing, but if they did it all, I might give them a little more here and there.

On the other hand, outright doing something wrong, like calling someone a name. First offence, warning, second offence, well, my cousin said it the best... "I raise my man voice." And any offence after that, the whoopin ensues.

I personally believe anything other than an open hand is abuse, even though I got the switch, the belt, the hangar, the 2x4, the shoe, and many other various things I would rather not mention. But an open palm on the rear after them knowing they have broken the rule more than once, that is not abuse or a beating. That right there is a whoopin for breakin a rule.

IMHO it teaches consequences, at the same time, teaches responsibility as they learn to do their chores and have privilages taken away, at the same time, simply doing something wrong teach them accountability.

EDIT: And yes, if I did do something wrong at school, like get in a fight. The teacher would give me a whoopin, call my parents, and since they were never at home, I had to go to my uncle's house who lived across the street, get a whoopin there, they would take me to the other person's house, I would apologise for getting into a fight, and when my pops came home, I would get a whoopin then as well. The reasoning, if I won, I got a whoopin for getting into a fight. If I lost, I would get a whoopin for losing a fight

Also, I can never agree on that many whoopins to a child, but I guess as I was raised that way, and believe I am (mostly) saine, it can't be all bad ya know?

I was raised in a pretty strict home. We got spanked-ALOT! We
were bad ALOT! Our "spankins" were a bit too frequent I think and way too harsh on borderline Beatings.

So as a parent I decided that spanking wasn't wrong, but kids needed instruction more. There are situations where spanking is truly needed-I believe thats why you cant do anything with most of the youth this day and time cause everyone wants to coddle them and make things too easy and there is little discipline and few consequences for negative behavior.

However, It is my opinion that kids should A) Know why they are being spanked and B) not spanked because you're angry ( which is a hard balancing act)
I dont know about you but if its bad enough for a spanking its usually p'd you off pretty bad too.

As a child I can remember my mom sending me to my room to wait until my dad got home Sometimes a couple of hours. Anticitpation of the spanking was extremely "killer" punishment in itself. So I would send my kids to their room and I would go off somewhere and take a few deep breaths and try to pull myself together and remember they were paying me back double for all the stupid crap I put my folks through ( just like mom said they would) . I would sit on the bed and talk to them about whatever they had done and tell them they were going to get a spanking (or whatever punishment I could conjer up) But I always -ALWAYS - told my kids I loved them. And I would hug them. After that it was over. No harping no further insult to injury,

Most times I could give my kids "the eye" and they knew I meant business. I think the most important thing is if you tell them something follow through.

I have three very great young adults now. Never been in trouble with the law, and they work hard and make good grades in school and they treat me with the greatest respect. Now that they are parents- or around other parents they can see that "discipline" is needed. That doesnt always mean spanking.

How did they spank in school back then?

the idea is that parents should know where and with whom they are leaving their child with ahead of time

just like you wouldn't enroll an atheist at a christian school

you wouldn't leave a child anyplace where spanking is part of the discipline
(and schools disclose up front if that is part of the discipline)

children need discipline as much as food, whomever they are in the care of should be expected to deliver each according to need

so learn what they are eating and how discipline is administered first,, and there are fewer issues later.

I also don't advise having a child be odd person out in any home with other children,, it will cause a rift between them and that is not fair

if the other kids get spanked and you dont like it,, dont have that caretaker looking after your kid amongst the others

if the other kids are restricted to vegetables and your kid is able to eat meat,, dont send a sandwich with him

,,,,stuff just needs to be 'balanced' ,with a slight lean in favor of the one who runs the home/establishment and has the most responsibility for it,,,