1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and
presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting
the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the
pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep
after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules
of life really are:
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to
know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Jeese!

meg=








for some of you "THIS IS A JOKE" not to be used in real life!

RAOFLMAO