First Time Sex:

>> A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday

>> night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.

>> Since this is such a big event, the girl announces

>> to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like

>> to go out and make love for the first time .

>> The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

>> before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to

>> get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his

>> first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about

>>an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about

>> condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks

>> the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack,

>> 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack

>>because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time

>>and all.

>> That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

>> house and meets his girlfriend at the door.. 'Oh,

>> I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'

>> The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner

>> table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy

>> quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

>> A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in

>> prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still

>> no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes

>> with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers

>> to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

>> The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea

>> your father was a pharmacist.'

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

" I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. those are my rules. Any comments? "

His new bride said,
" No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night whether you're here or not."

Thanks for the funnies guys

2 WOMEN MEET IN HEAVEN

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to
get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was
cheating, so I came home early to catch him, but instead, I found him all by
himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I
started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and
searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and
checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,
and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart
attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we' d both still be
alive.