OK so I'm dating someone and he ALWAYS picks up the tab wherever we go. He recently spent quite a bit on us going out to the bar, he bought my daughter a very nice bday gift, and took us out to lunch. So when we went out to dinner I got in front of him in line to and whipped out my debit card and paid before he had a chance to dig out his wallet. Right there he makes the comment "I coulda paid you know" and I said "well... you always pay" and he responded "well it is my job"
I think he kinda got offended that I paid... he almost seemed embarrassed for me to be paying instead of him. But since he ALWAYS pays I thought I would contribute too, as I don't believe it's ALL HIS job to pay for everything for us.
So guys... what do you think? Would you be offended or embarrassed if a girl bought your dinner?

nope, not to me

Some men really need to do that. Unless it really bothers you....why can't you just let him do it?

I think the one thing that you need to take into account is the fact that you " jumped ahead of him in line ". Therefore, I get the feeling that you hadn't had any really serious discussion with him about the fact that you would occasionally like to pay for things as well.

Myself, I always figured that if I ask someone out, I pay for it. If she asks me, she pays or we go dutch.

I think you may have been better served to let him know it was coming. Like saying during the meal " Hey. Why don;t you let me buy lunch this time? "

That way, you could have gauged his reaction to it, and explain to him that you don't see it as " his job " to pay for everything.

If I am mistaken, and you have talked to him about it before...well...take my post for what it's worth...lol

You got one thats not a dead beat!!!!! Dont complain.... At least he not parked on your couch plaaying video games all day!!!!

I'm the same way, usually pay, and have had similar situations when she demands that its her turn. I dont think its my "job" to pay, just a nice thing to do, but its kinda a turn on when the woman says its her turn. In a weird way, it just makes us feel wanted more?

Had women pick up the tab...gone Dutch.. Paid for the night out...

I personally feel more satisfaction when I know that I alone am soley responsible for a woman who has my interest to have a good time.

I realize that it is shallow and petty to say but, I feel diminished when someone else pays my way. (I do realize that they are doing a really nice thing...) But, I like having the monopoly on being the generous and nice one in my relationships. Yep, I am confirmation that guys are socially retarded.

Nope. I wouldn't be offended at all. I look at it this way- if she grabs the bill first, then she's payin!

I relate, but I also recognise your need/want to 'contribute'
It wouldn't bother me.

If he makes more money, maybe he doesn't even think its a big deal

Jill,

That's the only way that I've ever known it.

some of us are programmed that it's the guys job to "provide". i've done the same thing as your guy. it's not uncommon. explain it to him that you don't need someone to pay for you all the time and that it makes you feel like you owe him something when he's the one spending all the money on you. tell him that you're looking for a partner, not a provider.

Johnboy.

Nice to see you.

i think its a nice gesture that "she" wants to pay. Me i would put my wallet away and say thank you sweetie, that was nice of you, even if i asked her out or if she asked me, i never kick a gift horse in the mouth..
just my thoughts

i would never complain about a free meal

It's the way we're raised(for most of us, anyway)! The "old school"! JMO

I'm not complaining at all... I just don't want him to feel like it's ONLY his job. And I didn't ask if he wanted me to pay cause he woulda said no.

I guess I just don't want it to ever seem like I'm taking advantage of him by letting him pay for everything.

more times than not, the guys going to want to pay..even if he's dead broke..but i do know of some guys that don't..but they got some problems going on..other than financially speaking..

roco

That's a tough situation. Some guys are dead serious about not having the woman pay.