Hummm seems to me if one in fact was taught how to treat others then even within the heat of and argument they would not have to think what they blurted out for it would have never been on their mind to say.

To me it just sounds like another excuse that one uses for their actions and what they said during and argument.

I'm a true believer that what one says to another during and argument is the way they really do feel.

Ya know just because one gets mad it is still no excuse to say things to another to try and bring them down. Once words have been said or actions have been taken. The damage has already been done one can make all the excuses they want too but until they face the truth and fix the problems those excuses have no meaning. JMO

Very easy to say, tough as hell to pull off. Not saying you don't, kudos if you do, but it's rare.

balarmy. all of it.

YOu're right Kristi, but sometimes people are raised in violatile families so they only know as they've lived... Some keep things so bottled up that they explode and it's not pretty... No one is perfect, but if they go around not trying to change it, then something is wrong...

Honestly, I haven't seen one single post of yours that I can agree with or appreciate. Do you ever have anything positive to say about women?

its so simple we b!tch about the other gender and yet we go on a dating site to seek them or to continue a process of perfection we deserve well yeah...good luck with that...i found a woman that made me happy ,plus i did the same after all the b!tchin sometimes it falls in our lap but our past keeps wanting to bounce it off

Ahhh I get it.. You have a good point..

I very well understand that it happens at times due to the way one in fact grew up and that is the way they learned to deal with the issues themselves.

But if one in fact realizes that the actions they take are wrong then they are the only one that in fact can change the way they react when they become angry.

Just because of the environment we were raised within and the things we heard or saw. Does not mean that we ourselves must react within the same way.

If a person can see what they do is wrong then in fact that same person can reprogram themselves not to react that way if they really want to. Or they can keep using the excuse of it is due to how they were raised.

Progress is made by those that make improvements it is up to each of us to make sure we change the things we learned growing up that affected us in order not to pass those same issues along to our kids.

Sure at times it is like a viscous cycle if one grows up being taught not to show their feelings or if they seen that the way one of their parents dealt with issues was by yelling and using harsh words. Then in fact at times they would see that as the way to solve issues. And they in fact would tend to react within the same way for that is how they were actually taught to deal with the issues.

So then in order to break the viscous cycle one must realize that is not the way it should be. Then it is up to them to either change the cycle or to continue it. If one can actually see what they do is wrong but refuses to change and says I do it because I was raised that way. To me that becomes just a excuse for ones actions that they themselves could change but makes the choice not too.

IMO, a real man won't say hurtful things. just let it go, if a woman does something to hurt your feelings, brush it off and move on. it's her loss. a person can only hurt your feelings if you let them. their words can only sting if you let them.

don't let them.

Kristi you are right, I had to learn that thankfully I did and an early age..

Good point Drew but that should be for a woman as well.. I know women that are far crueler than men.. I for one can be but I don't b/c it's not right...

People can change their behavior when they know that they are in control of themselves. While that is true in textbook logic, it is often of no use in real-time situations.
Real life demands immediate responses which arise out of confidence borne of practice. And nobody is practicing the goodness that I hear being preached in here.
I have yet to meet--in all my life--a truly good and kind soul who purposely parks a block away from the entryway of a store and leaves all closer parking spaces for weaker folks. If it's their tough luck that you got there first, then your goodness is only a matter of what is socially acceptable/normal.

Here, in the forums, espousing theories which sound morally good and true is quite different from the real persons which we are seeking to know and connect with. Writing fine words online seems false when in fact you might deny grandma a parking space close to the store because that's how you like it.
In this site, we deserve to become acquainted with the real character of a person. Go ahead, and ignore the old folks while you snag that parking slot near the door of the store, but be honest about who you really are.

IMO