Ok so this may sound awful, but I have an older son in which we really don't get along. He is 18 and moved out when he was 17. To make a long story short I have had many problems with him since he was 12. And it wasn't minor it was major issues. (he has 3 felonys on his record) Now he wants to or I guess has to move home. I don't know how to deal with that because my life has finally became "peaceful". I am so scared it will all start again. Not that any of it has changed, but the fighting between us has, only because he doesn't live here. Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

tr

Its called tough love for a reason sweety. HE decided to move out, He chose to do the things he did and ended up with the felonys. Life is FULL of choices. He made his.
I would not let him come back home. He will get angry, but.... he will get over it. Once he proves to you that he is straightening out his life maybe then...ALOT of proof a steady job for six months.
I kicked mine out, threw their clothes out in the lawn. It was the best thing I ever did for them. They had to survive on their own. It was shakey at first and I worried and cried alot of tears. One took 6 months to staighten out, the other 2 years!!!!
You are not going to be there to pick up the pieces forever, he needs to learn to survive on his own.
If he needs clothes buy them do not give him money. If he needs food buy it for him do not give him money.
Hes 18 you are no longer responsible for him.
You know I always tell my children - "I will ALWAYS Love you, but I may not like you or what you are doing at times"

Good luck

Thank you.
I did actually kick him out when he left a year ago. I don't want him to think I don't care. He isn't near as bad has he was when I had to deal with it, however he does still do things I don't approve of. I have a 13 year old at home that had to be a part of everything the past 6 years and I just don't want that for him or me. I have been buying him clothes, food, etc...but his roommate won't let him stay now because he doesn't have a job. He hasn't had one since I booted him out.

So they actually do change???

Sweetheart their isn't a good answer,,, I have a son who is an angel but is in alot of trouble himself????? Can't tell when he is lying or on dope??? But he know's how to play people and does it alot??

I guess just tell him you love him and ask him to be honest with you and see how it goes???? Good luck to you!!!!!

HUG'S

It sounds like you might need to think of you and your other child first. Your safety, peace of mind and well being. Maybe baby steps to see how much he has changed. Repair the bridge that has been damaged. I wish you the best of luck and will say an extra prayer for you...strength, wisdom and knowledge on how to handle this situation.

Stand your ground. The longer you enable his helplessness the more you harm him. Every day he gets older fewer opportunities exist. I know it seems mean but the longer he is allowed NOT to work the less likely he ever is to be hired. There will come a time his youth and looks and strength will be gone and no one will care if he survives.

I know as a mother the hardest thing in the world is to let a child fall down and suffer his own decisions. Being and adult is so hard.

If you want to give him a ride to a shelter so be it. You want to give him a warm coat and a decent pair of work boots and gloves fine. He will probably curse you for it if it isn't cold.

It is sad to tell you but if He has not taken a job in six months he has found a way to have money. The likelyhood it is drugs, theft, or some form of violence is very good. Probably living off of some woman; maybe even stealing from you and you don't know it.

You let him in your house you are going to find out how. If you rent your house you can pretty much expect to be evicted when the drama starts up. How you would be any good to him then. Likelyhood is your kids at home are going to be too old for family shelters and if you don't have minor age children the shelters are not going to take you. Then by some small miracle he decides to turn around you won't be able to encourage him. If the stress and strain does you in he will have to carry the shame he destroyed his Momma.

There are jobs out there. They may not be glamorous and they may not pay a lot but it is better than the zero he is putting in his pocket. Or put in his room-mates pocket. He has to learn that when you cheat people there are consequences. If you don't teach him others will.

No matter what he tells you if he has a felony on his record someone has offered him resources. That he is just too hard-headed, too lazy to do the work required, or too selfish to follow the rules he has chosen not to pulled himself up. Would it be easy? No. Would he have to sacrifice some of his false pride that he is something special because he doesn't work? Yes Will he always be behind? Yes but at least you are not helping him get further behind.

I am so sorry you have to suffer through this. I have no doubt many people have contributed to this terrible waste. And the way the laws are written your hands are tied behind your back.

It is possible you can have him arrested and or committed to mental health but the likely hood it will only be a matter of days. The upside is a hospital social worker might co-ordinate aftercare and houseing placement. If he refuses he will be discharged to the street. Maybe if you make enough noise with your state senator or congressman they will help you find resources. If he has learning problems or disabilities maybe Division of Vocational Rehabilitation will help. If he is addicted you can try rehab. They are not all created equal. Some are throwing your money out the window.

Will keep you in my prayers. If you hit a snag send me and email and we can brainstorm.