I have a 14 year old who is giving me problems. She has been cutting
school this year after getting in a big fight with her dad (we have been
divorced 10 yrs). He no longer pays her any attention and I think she
is acting out over this. Things have been getting worse and worse and I
had to spend the night at the hospital this week. She stayed at a
friends house (supposedly) and when I came home her friends had trashed
the house spray painted grafitti in her room and threw a pocketknife
into the wall. They also spray painted grafitti on my shed and it's not
the nicest of pictures they put facing the street.
My question is: should I call the police and report these kids? When I
told my daughter I would she told me if I did they would only do more
damage to the house next time. Like break windows and paint the house.

I am at the end of my rope with her and I am looking for some help.

While I understand your fears, I ask why come to a singles site for
answers instead of a parental support, or local family aide center?

That's alot of stuff going on, and seems the behavior is extreme for one
fight with her Dad.
I think things may have been going on for some time, yes?

Please look into your local area family crisis centers, and counsiling
for everyone.

luck to ya. And, let us know what you decided?

I figured that since this was the area for parenting talk maybe people
who had similar problems with their children, could help me out with
different solutions.

Yes there has been alot going on since her father stopped talking to
her, but that was the start of her problems.

I am looking into counsiling and into a group home for her if she
doesn't participate.

I'll post what happens

I know how hard it is.

My son went through that.
When he became violent, I had to be tough but loving all at once, and
still try to make time for my daughter...
When he did become that way, I called the police. His Dad did nothing
with them unless it was for show for the benefit of his family...And,
then it was more he was the victim needing understanding...
What a mess.

And, still today my son continues to battle the feelings of abandonment,
and feelings of worthlessness. It breaks my heart,because I know how
that feels. And, for a boy to grow up knowing the most important male
figure in his life never cared, and told him he was a mistake...?

It will take time. The one thing I did learn was to not wait until
things become so bad...

Also, taking responsibility for my part in it all. She has two parents.
As my kids did, even if it was terrible, I still was there and messed
up...

luck to you...

At least yopu were there Nene.Report these thugs to the cops at
once.That way there is a report on file.I would also talk to their
parents and tell them the damages and their kid's share of said
damages.Then if your daughter was involved inform her she will be
working the damages off by cleaning the graffitii and cleaning her
room.If she refuses then a severe grounding is in order.I would also
look into counseling for your daughter so she can learn to express her
feelings in a positive way.Good luck..

the longer the behavour is permitted to go on

the harder it will be to change it

but hey what do i know

I just said that, LOL!

it sounds better coming from a man nene.

just kidding robin .huggles.

well hey

typical

i used 3 setances (guy)

you used 6 stanzas (gal)

Thanks for the advice---just had a cop here to file report about it and
his answer was "why? just paint over it, after all your daughter let
them do it"
I made him write the report anyway. Still looking for help for both of
us though.

LMAO! robin too true!

eileena, I would suggest you spend alot more time involved in taking
care of the problems.

I mean the cops were there tonight, for...? what happened before?

Seriuosly, handle it at the time...

sorry you are going through this, but I have to ask why you are online
still...?

leena have you thought about enrolling her in the big brother big sister
program? girls usually need role models more than boys do not that
boys don't need them but statistics show that the more role models they
have the better they do! so s\maybe in roll her in that program, if not
MILITARY SCHOOL lol

There's always boot camp

i think i would let the watch comander know of the responding officers
attitude problem

just a thought

may be some backlash

but hey what do i know

eileen BIG HUGS from me to you.
There are parenting classes geared at troubled teens that would truly
help you during this time. I am glad you filed that police report and
would suggest you put a stop to your daughters having these friends near
or around you or your property. I am sorry but i really find it
offensive to see a member giving you grief for reaching out here in the
parenting community for help or advice. Isnt this a friends site where
we should be able to come for just THAT?. That
was beyond RUDE. That was uncalled for.

exactly adj!!! I was gopnna reccomend filing a report with the chief of
police towards the non-chalant attitude of the responding officer, and
his reluctance to do his job. I've done this before, andI can tell ya
it works wonders lol. Especially when you have a chief that is up for
renewal and wants support from his (or her) public!

Also, like it was suggested, contact the offending partys parents and
give them an estimate. They are responsible (legally) for any damage
their children do. i would say get an estimate of what it would cost to
repair the damage, divide it evenly (putting your daughter in the
equation if she was responsible as well) and send out the bill to each
family. You an then take this into court if you wanted to, and the
court would back you up.

As far as your daughter threatening you with more violence if you
report? that is a standard bully act (ok, if you tell anyone that I
just beat you up, I am gonna beat you up again even worse). The only
way to deal with it is to be firm and routine. Do not allow it to
happen without consequences.

"I am sorry but i really find it
offensive to see a member giving you grief for reaching out here in the
parenting community for help or advice. Isnt this a friends site where
we should be able to come for just THAT?. That
was beyond RUDE. That was uncalled for. "

I agree with you one hundred percent hun, but thought I would add for
your eyes alone be careful someone may complain of personal
attack with this statement lmfao

Seriously though I do agree one hundred percent it was rude and uncalled
for. This is a community as well as a dating site, and as community
members we are supposed to be there for each other, lol.


And dont worry emotional I know you would not report this as offensive
it's just a sad fact that some would.

My comment remains. This is a "COMMUNITY" and also a "FRIENDS SITE". I
find it very OFFENSIVE for any member to fire in on a member at THAT
LEVEL and then continue. There is never any call for that and it is
simply RUDE AND OFFENSIVE TO ME.
This IS my honest opinion.

for those whom find what I said offensive... ok...

I've been there. And, my questions are valid. I have also seen many
parents whom come to singles sites asking for help while the problems
are home based and can not be dealt with online.
I don't know that what she says is true. The first post was to blame her
ex... and, no history behind it at all.

In reality folks, it's damned hard when kids lose thier way, and the
system has to be fought. That take alot of energy and time. I have been
there...
differences being she is not hidden at home with her ex violent... he is
not even there.
So, there ARE avenues available.

If folks wanna jump at me... go for it.

I am being honest with her, and ask very valid questions based on what I
see... and, chatting in forums while in crisis is a concern for her, and
her daughter...

btw?

too any parents today wait too long, then want an easy answer, and take
no responsibility. I have answered her based on my concern for her, and
her daughter.

I don't *****foot around when it comes to kids.

If she's gonna fight the system, and for her daughter, she better be
able to answer some small questions.

Thank you all for your help and advice. I have been looking into all of
your suggestions. I have been in touch with the school for quite a few
months about what we can do to help her straighten out. She has been in
with the social worker when she goes to school but I know she needs more
help than that.
That is what we are now doing, looking for more help.

As for what I said about her father, was that it was then I started to
see a big change in her attitude. Things were getting worse but I
didn't want to get into all the problems here, I just wanted to get
advice about calling the police on her friends.

As I said I appreciate all the advice and for you taking the time to
respond.