That's true hun, yet she was looking for advice when she came here.
yes, we have to take ehr on facee value of what she's asking. but she
says she did nto know what to do and asked for advice and suggestions
which is VERY appropriate. Now, hopefully she will take said advice to
heart and start doing something more towards helping her daughter. keep
in mind no one knows everything hun, and when you are upset and worried
you are less likely able to stop and think clearly (proven medical
fact). She stopped and thought long enough to get some advise. Now she
needs to act on the advise.

I understand... I do.

And, I did think I was supportive at first?

I no how scary and hard it is, and feeling like there is nowhere to
turn.
I also know there are far to many folks whom don't see that this type of
thing takes many years to develope...

I'm not trying to be mean... nor blame, or finger pointing...Hell, I've
made mistakes, too... still do.

I come from the experience that sometimes being blunt, and to the point
is called for. Especially when the mind does circles...
And, it becomes to easy to think with from a place emotion, instead of
remembering we are adults...

Not sure how else to put it? hmmm...

I know not everyone reacts the same. And, I did see someone mention boot
camp?
Having experience, at least in my state, there is no free boot camp, and
if someone does opt for that route they make a boot camp for the
parents, too. And, I can guarentee it's a wake up call...

She also has other children,yes? This effects the whole family.

I am sorry if it seemed that I was inappropriate. I don't think I am.
Sometime folks have to be tough... I think there is room for both
honesty and care...

I do care. And, I also come from a women and children's advocate
background.

I could be coming from a harsher point of view.

Eileena,

Just be ready to tkae on even the social worker, if you feel the need
to. It can be done.

I know how draining it all is, and the last thing you want to do is have
to explain all things...

But, if you want proper help, could ya detail a bit more? I would
appreciate that.

Had to fight the system with my daughter when some folks tok it upon
themselves to make her "a cause". I damned near lost her due to the
corrupt system here...

But, it can be done.

Also, I know how had it is to see your babies become unrecognisable.
breaks your heart.

You can't do anything about her Dad... this I am dealing with first hand
right now. Understanding the pain a child has when they feel unwanted...

Sorry I come off as a bit harsh. It's nothing personal, just they way I
deal with things...

i do believe that i'd rather have someone keep it real than stroke my
ego, fluff my hair, and tell me everything is okay.

when it's NOT okay, and i need a kick in the ass...that's what my
friends are for.



counseling is a wonderful idea, one-on-one time...a good psychologist
can give you a game-plan to help you through this, as well as giving her
a neutral outlet for her anger and emotions.

"I agree with you one hundred percent hun, but thought I would add for
your eyes alone be careful someone may complain of personal
attack with this statement lmfao "


Sorry barbie, I forgot to edit that out of htere before posting. I was
not trying to embarrass ya lol

that's what I did for both mine...

it's also important to have family help, too. But, when the child gets
thier own outlet... parents must remember they cannot know what is being
said. So, the child can be reassured that anything they say, or vent is
left with the counsilor. the parent has no rights to it at all. as it
should be.

I did find the counsilors i worked with to be good. individual, and
combined...

If I recall, there were contracts made through court, too.

I agree. there's a time for coddling, and a time for raw truth...

Try sending her to a youth counsellor at her school. Everyone one,
especially teenagers can benefit from counselling. Peer pressure is huge
at this age and it may help her to talk it out.

Get her involved in activities such as sports, churchs and after school
clubs etc...This will keep her busy, out of trouble and she will be
meeting with decent people in supervised environments.

To assume it is the dad that is the root of the problem is absurd.
Unless she has told you so, i think there could be many factors for her
behaviour. Try not to be so narrow minded. Let her know you are there
for her and support her dont threaten her.

I see nothing wrong with coming here for advice to to vent, as other
have went through what you have or maybe even worse. The one that
questioned you for coming here soon jumped on the band wagon when others
offered help...

Godd luck, avoid being sorry do the RIGHT thing from the hope