I'm seeing a lot of this lately -- a woman, in her profile, will write, "I'm a single mother of two kids, and they are my world* and if you don't like it, you can take a fragmentation grenade and stick it up your butt and blow yourself all the way to Mars, you miserable heartless bastard."

While I appreciate the honesty, if not the sentiment, necessarily, I'm wondering if perhaps there might be a less antagonistic (not to mention less bloodthirsty) way to get the point across....?

The problem, as I see it, is that some men, who are perfectly OK with dating women who have kids, just might be a little turned off by this sort of bellicose rhetoric. Maybe some women are looking for some sort of demonic warlord who could appreciate this kind of language....?

Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

* House Bill 1482, passed last March, makes it a federal requirement to use the phrase "they are my world" whenever a mother mentions her children. Failure to comply will result in a fine of up to $5000 and up to 2 years in Dating Site Jail.

i have seen the they are my world, but not to the extreme as that

The site where I get my material for "One Glorious Profile" has pages and pages of them. I swear, those people just copy entire profiles.

Alot of profiles scare me away

Hummmmm and your point....... if I'm sure I use the the phrase that my kids have been my world for in fact they were for many many years.

But.....now they are grown and have their own lives and I'm in this big ole world by myself more then I care to be.

But.....I do not in fact exclude the idea of letting anyone else into my world.

But now my kids are first and foremost and I will not date anyone that has issues with my kids.

I never did see the point in putting much of anything in your profile about your children. Obviously it's not something you keep a secret.....but going into huge details about your kids seems like you are putting the cart before the horse. I wanted someone to date me for me, and then grow to love my kids, not the other way around.

Well, that makes sense but I don't see you shooting people over it, either!

I've thought the same thing, Lex. When I read that sort of preamble, I always think, "OMG, they've got 'those' kids."

Well, that's a good point -- a lot of them, the profile is ONLY about the kids -- and there's nothing about the woman herself....

As if her sole reason for existing is because of the kids -- and I find myself asking "Who was she BEFORE the kids were born? She wasn't anybody then?" -- and it bothers me how some people (and not just parents -- I've seen this in other contexts too) define their entire lives on the basis of being related to another person.

As if they were not a separate, individual human being, but only an adjunct for someone else....

I think one of the biggest issue us "single moms" face is we start dating a guy and get interested in him, but then just when things are getting pretty good, he starts sending subtle hints that he's tired of having the kids around all the time, or is getting fed up with not being able to go places because of the kids, and blah, blah, blah. After you've been through this time and time again, you almost feel like you have to put this in your profile so those type of guys won't bother contacting you. It's not fool proof, but hell, it's the best we can do until someone comes up with a better way to weed those guys out.

Yeah, it's like a disclaimer at the beginning of a TV show -- maybe this is something I shouldn't really be watching after all....

Yeah, I don't really know a good answer to this one. I think it is the guy's responsibility to know, going in, what he wants and doesn't want, and not to leave the woman in the dark about his real intentions.

But it's a communications issue and a lot of people are not good communicators.

I guess my point is that if she's been through x number of bad scenarios with guys, maybe getting hostile in the profile is not the best way to handle it. Some of the guys who might be interested could be driven away by it, and the ones who stick around may not be the ones she's really looking for, anyway.

Yeah, I get what you are saying Lex. But like you said, there's really no good answer, you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

hahaha. frag grenade?

id rather use a plasma and stick em!

oh my God Lex you are priceless


you are so funny


you should be paid big bucks


for your amazingly wise observations


your quick wit and satire is hilarious

Thank you!

I'm hoping one of the big-city newspapers will offer me a column or something. Or I could do the Sudoku.

I take issue with the idea of anyone being anyone's "world." I don't know why, but the very expression totally rubs me the wrong way. Not only in regards to kids, but to bf's/gf's/spouses. I'm sure it's very nice to have someone you care about that much but what if that person leaves, dies or just goes off you?

Do you no longer have a world then? Are you looking for a world replacement? Or will you remain world-free? I like to think of other human beings as being an option for my happiness not a requirement, but I guess I'm strange? LOL

Good thread Lex,

Yeah, that's the thing....it's a little off topic, but I don't get all this "being best friends with my child" thing. Having a family unit is one thing.....and if you plan to find a long term relationship you have to consider it. However, if your kids are your world and you revolve life solely around them, you will NEVER have enough time for a significant other, as he/she will always be the outsider. I don't mean neglecting your children for the sake of dating someone, but you certainly have to compartmentalize your life and make time for both. Otherwise, why bother? He's just an afterthought in all that you do.

I love my kids and will do anything needed to make sure they are safe, happy and secure......yet I have changed my way of thinking over the last year. How happy can they be if I base my everything on them and lose myself in the process? I watched my girlfriend ruin a good relationship because she refused to let him be a part of her childs life and frequently reminded him that her son was her first priority. This was a couple who were living together and supposedly partners. When I make that leap it will be only because I am ready for HIM to be my first priority and we work together for the sake of each member of the family.

I guess if you are only into casual dating and nothing more then you can let your children be your world, but I would think a person needs to be upfront about that.

Hmmm, I guess we now have a female version of the nice guy who finishes last; the single mom who has her world in a death grip? Anyone? Anyone?