we don't put our love for others before our children...even though children will rebel and move out and we turn to look at this person we fell in love with and say"oh yeah there you are?"

single parents know what i mean

Good Point,I think when they reach adulthood it changes, I know all mine are adults and well, when they were young I devoted my life to them basically after their dad died.
Now I tell them it is my turn and well it is. We are still close but the MOM job is basically over I am more of a friend.

I think it must have something to with the fact that we made our kids and there is no getting out of that. Relationships can come and go but the kids allways there.

There is an emotional bond to your children that you can't have for anyone else in the world... my Hubba Bubba turns 7 tomorrow...I loved her before she was conceived, I love her with every grain of sand on the beaches, and every drop of water in the oceans, and I love her more with every breath I take.

No man has ever shown me he deserves that kind of love. even if he did, it would be one grain and one drop less.

I chose to be a parent, and I don't take it lightly. I vowed to her when I held her the first time that I would always love her, and always protect her, and always take care of her. I DON'T go back on my vows.

I think that this is what parents can not help to do, yet should not.
Love your kids and raise them to the best of your capabilities. However do not make them the center of your universe. Your job is to raise them and give them morals and ethics and strength to survive.
POOf they are gone at 18 and going to invest their love and trust in someone else, probably a friend or a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Then you are a parentless parent just pining for your kid to make your life full again.

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said,
- Speak to us of children!

And he said:
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Gibran.

They are my message to the future, my gift to the universe, the universe's gift to me.

When I adopted my Angel, I took on the responsibility of raising her to adulthood. It was a job that I took seriously and loved doing. As a parent, it is only normal to put your child first while you are still raising them. Once they become adults, then you can focus on yourself. I consider myself lucky to have had the privelge of loving and taking care of her during her formative years. Now I am looking for another kind of love...

MY KID'S ARE MY LIFE

We invest more in our children than others.

Because an adult can take care of themselves, our children can't and if we don't, someone else may do that and not do as well.

michiganman I really liked that~ where did that come from?

I must say my kids are my life. Some say I should not be like that, but that is the commitment I made to them when I looked down at them in my arms for the first time.
Now that they are getting older I am thinking more about myself and trying to find me again. Its been awhile, so its taking time.
Even when they are older and with their own kids they are still going to be my babies and that will never change!!!

It from Kahlil Gibran's book 'The Prophet'

The statement underneath is mine.

kids are my life. Now they are gone. educated and on their own. And I am alone. Not lonely but I passed up a lot to raise them.. I think I missed my chance at finding love.

Sometimes, especially when we have children, we feel the grip of destiny upon our life. Destiny is not often a comfortable yoke to bear, unless we apply ourselves to fulfilling it to the best of our ability. At the end, when the yoke is lifted, we are stronger, satisfied with fulfilling our calling, and then must choose our individual destiny from that point.
At other times, for some of us, destiny comes in a strangely cloaked calling. Its grasp is every bit as real and needful to fulfill as of raising children and providing stability, security, and the other myriad duties of parenthood. Each of us thanks Columbus, Marie Curie, Henry Ford, and many other people whose fulfillment of destiny placed them in our history books.
In similar manner, after having had children, and lived many years beyond their departure, and seen the aimless haunting need of being "free" to love one other person with undivided heart, I found that it was wise for me to seek God. For, of Him, I have assurance that lifelong destiny is ongoing and not aimless nor left waiting.
For each couple needs to share a destiny. Life with purpose is fulfilling. "Let's do this, now--together. The seeds of our devotion have grown and now bear fruit of their own. We have each other, and the certainty of our love and trust. Now, it is us, with each other, for the rest of our lives."
Your partner might ask, "What shall we do?"
Your response is to choose a new lifelong destiny, with assurance, lest you become victims of pointless living.

I am old-fashioned, and I hope that this does not ruffle too many feathers, but I suggest that if your love and trust is comfortable with roles, then it is easier for the two of you to proceed with more focus. The woman's devotion to family is never-ending. Her devotion to her mate might now be greater, stronger, more life-sustaining and pure than he ever realized before. The man's devotion may also be purified and focused, and he might indeed achieve more of a singular destiny now that the children are grown. Together, the two can find the truly golden years of life to be the best destiny...but I think that having a direction/purpose to achieve is a blessing.
IMO