Just wondering who else has suffered with Domestic Abuse. It's been five years now, I am ultra sensitive to noises and touch, and while I haven't been physically abused in years, the tension and ultrasensitivity and chronic anxiety still haunts me.

I hate it I just wish it would go away. Now, even when I take my kids to the doctor and they have to have a shot, I remove myself from the room because I can't watch other people be hurt in any way--especially my children. While I know it's necessary, having witnessed both myself and my children be mistreated and fearful makes even simple things like this a horrible experience for all.

Anyone relate?

Very much so. But mine was just not physical it also mental and emotional abuse. Although it never flowed to my children.

About 14 years ago I was in a relationship with a man who ended up doing drugs. When he was on drugs he was very abusive. I ended it but to this day am sensitive to noise. The phone gets turned off at night. I am just blessed to be out of the relationship.

Mental and emmotional for sure..even financially and in every possible way. Like something good would happen, and he'd be furious. Like if I made any progress toward independence. I think it was his life goal to make me feel incompetent and unattractive.

I'm talking this bast@#$ threw my medicine in the middle of a busy road, tied my hair in knots while I slept, maintained another relationship while i was pregnant (giving rings to both of us from the same jewelry store on the same day) going on vacation while I'm at the domes. abuse shelter, locking me out in the middle of winter with no access to my home or things or children. Having to go to work from sleeping in my car--in sweatpants. Once he even locked me out naked. I think it was the humiliation that hurt even worse than the physical abuse.

cutie pie i know exactly what you mean about noise sensitivity

Speaking personally, in a relationship and not in just war, sure. I have. With my children also. Including a near successful attempt to murder me. We learn. We adapt. We move on. We are more limited and less limited simultaneously, if we learned.

I am really sorry that you had to endure that suffering. He sounds like a sick man.
That is definately not normal the things he did to you. I hope you will soon be able to move on with your life.

well the thing is he hasn't let me go yet. i just got work so i can truly be free of him.

Im so sorry to hear this again. This seems to be a huge problem these days. It breaks my heart every time. I suppose it just takes time, and being surrounded by loving friends to get over something like that. Dennis

holy cow how did you deal with that?

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!

oh and i forgot pouring a beer over my head, pouring vodka over my head, tearing my clothes, breaking my computer, breaking my furniture (I have nothing now), keeping me with old ratty clothes, just punching me. Sometimes I would think he'd be happy if I died. Yet, oddly he's super possessive so if I get free or talk about getting free, he gets angry and tries to stop it from happening. It's so strange...he acts like he hates me, yet doesn't want me to leave. I know he's just a sick guy.

But thanks for letting me vent, please tell me your stories.

Which part?

It wasn't so much physical with me but everything that went wrong was my fault. No matter when it happened. I was never good enough. I wasn't treating him the way he ought to be treated. I wasn't raising our kids right. The list goes on and on. I was in a size 12 when I met him. I shot up to a size 22 by the time I told him to leave.

keeping yourself safe from a murderer, and the experience of it. I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I would be interested to know why/how it happened? I wrote a novel about a woman who gets murdered, in this fashion.

i hear you there, tomo

I would recommend you find a Battered Women's group or other women's group or some type of counseling. That is what helped me the most, it explained the cycle of violence and helped me understand what happened, how it happened, why I stayed, etc. I formed friendships (for the first time in years as he had run off all my friends) and it was a very good experience for me.

I truly believe counseling is the route to go, you need some type of support to help you understand and deal with this process. You still need to deal with the grieving process of the breakup, understand nothing was your fault, you did not cause the abuse, etc., and counseling will help you understand this all.

I too am sorry you all went through this. I went through severe abuse too. My ex pulled guns on me twice and knives and threatened to kill me if I left. I don't want to go into details on here. But the Battered Women's group actually saved my life I think, I was extremely suicidal at the point I found it.

Good luck, don't ever give up. Your children need you and you are a strong woman. Just look what you have already survived. Take care.

thanks marie. yes you're very right.

Boy can I relate to this. My ex husband was extremely jealous and possessive of me. Early in our marriage and throughout the entire marriage he isolated me from family and friends. I was allowed to work and come home. Once our son was born he was even worse. Emotionally, verbally abusive towards me. Love to put me down, told me I was no good, was an awful mom, was a lousy housekeeper, lousy cook, just on and on. I decided that I was ready to leave after 6 years of his abuse. The night I came home with boxes all ready to move out, he went ballistic. Began breaking anything I wanted to pack, then tackled me to the floor and just started hitting me, after that he put a knife to my throat and I could just see the rage in his eyes, I froze, didn't know what to do. He finally backed away. From there decided to throw all my clothes on the front lawn, when I went out to get them, he threw the heavy plastic deck chairs at me. I was bruised from head to toe that night. I have trouble trusting people at first, he broke every promise he ever made to me throughout our whole relationship. Its frustrating. That was a little over 5 years ago.

Well, shama. . . . . . . are you Indian? Sri Lankan? Pakistani? Dang gurl, couldn't you pick TarzansJane or something?

Condensed. Ultimately: EMTs didn't think I'd survive the ambulance ride; surgeons said I'd never get more than 15% of my left arm use; a long fast and vow of silence & vengeance. Note even my current facial hair: the chin is an upside down heart for a broken heart; the curved sabers on the cheeks are L for vow of celibacy and R for vengeance. This was over 25 years ago: you don't really get over it; you just get on with it.

I'd tell you the outcome, but not this publicly.