For those of you that have had long relationships (or even short ones) that failed.......

Do you ever get the jitters when a new relationship is going great? Kind of like maybe you don't deserve it, or that something will surely go wrong? I'm not talking about insecurities, we all have those about one thing or another. It's more of kind of forgetting how it feels to have a good thing.

Am I the only one who analyzes stuff to death, almost to the point of sabotaging myself?

This is not a make me feel good thread. I want some serious advice on how you deal with the "feelings".

I was scared to have a good day some times.not knowing what tomorow would bring

I know what your sayin'. The best way is to just not think about it. I know it's horrible advice but if you think about it your going to start picking apart everything and cause it to fail. If you leave it alone.. Well it could work out.. But, on the other hand if your gut's telling you to get the hell out.. Then get the hell out lol

Yes I agree........it is hard sometimes to see past our past breakups or failiours! We want it to be perfect but we do relate too much from past experiences! Like a wise woman told me, live in the moment! The past is a past for a reason!! And there is a reason the people from our past didn't make it to our future!!

i go with the gut feeling myself

I totally agree! I do it myself.. Its been said many times before, that im my own worst enemy and i finally realize it true. I personally think everyone does it to some point, we just cant help ourselves. Your not alone its just something ppl do.

Not at all -- I tend to be overly analytical about everything, and add that to my natural skepticism/cynicism, and I have a hard time just accepting when things are going well.

Always waiting for the other piano to drop, you might say.

But when something happens 94 times in a row, you just expect that the 95th time is more or less inevitable. It's sort of like the scientific method -- you test the premise, over and over, and, at some point, when the results are always the same, you just accept that this is now a "fact."



I try to keep in mind that everyone is different, and that it's really not fair to assume that this new person will turn out to be the same as the last 94.

Then it turns out she IS, and there goes THAT theory....

I still have this idea in the back of my mind that it is possible to find someone compatible. I don't know what I base that on, other than stupidity and stubbornness and the sheer inability to see reality for what it is. But there you go.

I know the feeling, I no longer have trust

YOu analyze the stuff to death, as you said it. Don't do it, it's something like a turnoff for guys, he's gonna start seeing you like that you aren't sure about the whole thing. He might even get ideas, that you want to break up with him or something. I had a g/f like that, I eventually ended the relationship, because she started to make up conspiracy theories about me to a point, where she started to believe her own thoughts. she accused me of cheating on her and me trying to get rid of her instead of doing a reality check.

Well granted I have been in short and long termrelationships and each one has had failures of different kinds. For me I have noticed different traits that give me RED flags. So analyzing is not bad however its is when you over-analyze. Things that dont mean anything seem like its a bad sign. Im sure that when one is over-analizing its because you dont want to be hurt again...Fair enough it sucks....However it can end a possibly good thing, Create a stress, and can cause an end to what could off worked or at the least a good friendship. As for my feelings I start a new leaf for each relationship I am in. Yet I also pay close attention for flags too. Just when analizing you have to think before you react. Its the least one can do if they want something to work.

its hard to trust but you have to take a chance or will be on the outside looking in!

Wow Heather. I unfortunatly don't know what to tell you but I want you to know that I know exactly what you are going through.

I had a 7 year relationship that fell apart and it took me another 5 yrs. to find someone I fell in love with and he cheated within a week after saying "I love you" to me. Oh yeah, he also cheated on me while I was in the E.R.

After that one I find myself REALLY pushing people away.

Terrified of getting hurt again

wow he cheated on you in the er!

Want me to shoot the bastard?

All your input is greatly appreciated and I'm reading and digesting what you have said.

I should mention I'm trying to not outwardly portray these feelings, just working them through in my own head.

You people are great.

No problem it appears we all have experienced the same and will give our best insight to what helps and hurts. Hope things work out for ya...

Watch a film called Secret
The law of attraction
Basically you attract what you emanate
If you project positive and happy that is what you will get

Make sure you talk to him, so he knows, because most likely he suspects something, even though he might not say it. Just tell him, that you had previous relationships going sour *(everyone had those) and sometimes you just feel a little insecure.

Awwww, very sorry to hear that ...Want me to chop his balls off?

Or there is also the book if your more of a reader..