Here's a question... You meet someone new, you do a background check on
them. Do you tell them? And if you were told how would you react?
Now lets suppose you did this background check and find something from
his/her past, do you judge the future on that?

I actually did meet someone a while back...I told him that I wanted to
do a background check and needed his social security number. He said he
had nothing to hide and he gave it to me. I have a friend that works in
the Police Dept, so he did a background search for me.
Something did come up, but he had already told me about it. So it was
nothing surprising...but that was the only thing that came up. I think
if they have nothing to hide, then it should be no big deal. Esp if you
are getting into a very serious relationship.
One thing though, I wish I would have stopped and thought about what was
already on his report, because the same thing happened to me....now I
also have a restraining order against this guy. Of course, he tried to
down play it...and when you THINK you care about someone, you willing to
believe whatever!

No, you shouldn't feel obligated to tell them because you're only trying
to insulate yourself from harm as best you can. You need to understand
however that the police quickly document issues when they encounter an
incident but, even if that person detained was not actually responsible
for the problem they don't move as quickly or at all sometimes, to
convey this. It's a judgement call but it only seems fair to advise
anyone to err on the side of safety.

Define meet someone new. I don't think a bachground check is a necessity
for a first date if you have a safe date by: Meeting the person at a
public place and then leaving the person at that place when it's over. I
have always offered to provise a scan of my driver's license to a future
date to make her feel more secure. I tend to think giving a Social
Security number is not a safe practice in this age of identity theft.
Maybe you have nothing to hide, but what might happen if she gets
"pissed" at you later on and decides to get revenge because you broke a
date or decided to see someone else.
At the point of initial dating, my financial information and personal
data is my business. It may be shared later on if the relationship
progresses. I think women could gain enough security by for the initial
few dates by doing some of the following.
1. Make sure you have a HOME phone number for him and call him on it.
Don't let him initiate all the calls and be wary if he just calls during
working hours, etc.
2. Establish his residence. This could be a phone book listing, a Google
search, or him providing other documentation such as mail addressed to
him.
3. Make sure someone knows who you are with and where you are going and
when you will return. If you deviate from this, phone that person and
let them know there is a change. Let your date know you are doing this.

I don't think a reasonable, responsible man would object to any of these
to make his date feel more secure.

As for finding something on the background check: If you're not going to
heed the information, why do the check?

To: unsure
You have a lot of gaul to ask anyone for their social security number.
In todays world why should any man "TRUST" anyone with such a vitial
document. If you wanted to know more about a man who may have solicited
you, then go to a web site and pay to do a background check. What makes
you think your so a great catch.
AL R.

if you go to a a paysite for background checks though, make sure it is
him. i recently found out that there is one or more warrants in some
variation of my name in every state of the US and i have never even been
to most of them. a girl i was talking to on one of these sites started
asking weird questions one time and i finally found out what she was
talking about, i don't know what her opinion is of me or if she thinks i
did all those things because i quit talking to her. i also had someone
ask for my social security # and i politely declined.

This is yet another method of human avoidance. This way you don't have
to actually speak to anyone..for only 19.95 a month, you can go into
their personal information behind their back. Never mind that you were
'less than honest' in your methods to secure their social security
number. I prefer the direct method...ASK THEM. That way, no one is
left feeling betrayed nor led astray. If for some reason they do lie
when you ask, then you are justified in leaving the relationship. I
have had this check done on me and now he knows my 2 secrets: 1. I still
own my alma mater money and 2. I will NEVER love a man who feels that he
can riffle throuhg someone's personal property to steal information that
he could have gotten if he just asked...Which reminds me, how do you
know that these B.G. checks don't end in Identity Theft?...Love does not
last forever.