Absolutely.

The problem is that this creates a communications gap between the people who really should just be honest about all this stuff in the first place.

Because if what you SAY you want is NOT what you want, and you're only saying it to make yourself look like you have some substance and depth, you're only going to end up noticed by the people who are LOOKING for substance and depth -- which you are only simulating.

I mean, how many women claim they want a guy with intelligence? OK, my IQ is way up there, I've got the numbers to back it up, I've published two books and I have a background in psychology. I think people can tell that I'm not exactly a dummy.

Do you think I ever hear a peep out of the women who claim to be looking for intelligence? Heh -- we both know the answer to that one!

Which is fine. But the thing is -- how are you ever going to find what you're looking for if you won't even be honest with yourself about what that is?

I think women, and men for that matter, want to believe that they are attracted to those things...and may actually believe it.
But despite what anyone wants to admit, many of the things we find attractive are superficial. It's hard wired. But it's not socially acceptable to say so.

and your definition of that would be?????

Read back a couple of pages and you'll see. :-)

Well, any "list" I've every made is just the beginning..........just becaues you have those characteristics, or think you do, doesn't mean you are a match for me.

Besides, when you bring in the "attractive" or "hot" or "smoking" into it, every person has a different definition of what is good looking to them. So YES, you must be physically attracted to the person, but that doesn't mean you have to look like Brad Pitt, there are plenty of women who don't find him attractive.

The thing is that some men don't care what they look like at all. They dress sloppy, don't keep their nails clean, don't care if their hairstyle is flattering, etc.

Work with what you've got.

My room mate from several years ago fell in love with and married a guy that I thought was absolutely ugly, lol. Short, fat, and balding at the age of twenty-three. He didn't have a very good attitude imo, either...........but she fell for him.

Stop blaming it on the opposite sex, it is you. Either you are putting out the wrong vibes and/or not being your true self.....................or you are the one being picky.

Or, the alternative, you aren't ready/meant to have anyone in your life right now. Live life for you, get involved in things that interest you, take care of yourself for yourself, and...........well it is more likely that you'll meet someone who cares about kids if you are volunteering for say..........an orphanage or something.

PS

You'd be surprised what women (and some men) are actually attracted to. It is more so their attitude, the way they carry themselves, the way they communicate, sense of humore, outspoken, confidence. Etc.

Most people associate this with "good looks" but it isn't true, it is simply that these qualities come easier to those with good looks, because those who view themselves as unattractive are not as confident, do not put themselves out there, are afraid of rejection, etc...............

Get it?? I hope so.

Yes, looks matter, but to say that you have to look like Barbie, or that you have to look like ........can't even think of a man..........Let's use Brad Pitt again, is just ridiculous.

Yes, if you are dog ugly, if people cringe to look at your face, you are going to have issues in the romance department, but if your normal/average.................it boils down to your personality.

It isn't everyone else that doesn't think you are good enough, it is you, and you are sending out those vibes. Which means only users and abusers, or people who feel sorry for you are going to respond. At least that is my opinion.

Of course, if you are an average guy/girl, and you are looking for a hot model type..........well, frankly depending on what that person is looking for, you may have to become famous and powerful. There are plenty of hot actresses who are with not so hot looking guys, Jennifer Lopez being one, her guy isn't all that when it comes to looks. he's ok, but not "hot"............but anyhoo, I've said my peace.

It is all in the kiss...If that isn't like a flame in my mouth...everything else is irrelevant....

I'd like to try that Krupa!

Ask a million people, get a million different answers. If you show an interest in someone and ask questions about the things they are interested in they find you a lot more interesting.

Me too baby....me too.....sigh.....

holly, i didn't know that you could STILL blush after all of these years LOL

physical or characteristical feature?

That's Hooley to you Nova!

you know you missed me!!!

HOOLY!!!!

Nova-there is guy working at my library who looks exactly like you!
I had to do a double take! Shirt and everything!

wow.....must be a good-looking guy LOL

YOU FOUND MY LONG LOST TWIN BROTHER, HOOLY!!!

I knew he looked familiar NOva!

everything from sight to smell

cant quit you b@stards

Well-then I give up because I am none of those things!
But thanks for the input...

Everyone has his specific type. I'm a bad example here..because others tell me I'm picky. I'm not picky really, I just feel it, when and can connect immediately to the one I like, those who fall out of this, I just can't help it and I go passive.


I did this online test somewhere, it says for me, my chances are 1 in a million, after doing the personal test there are only 10% of all the people who would be suitable for me. Frickin' Luke Skywalker chance.

Ahh. thanks online test...that made me feel a lot better!