iam a 45 yr male with a 7 yr old littel girl her mother left us about a yr ago and my little girl is starting too come home and tell things that dont make any since she wrights things like mmomy is mad at me for passing the frist grade .mommy tells me not too do good in school. that she hers sex noises and wrights it down there is alot she is doing i dont understand would a mother really do this or chould my little girl just be makeing this up see whe her mother left she gave my little girl too me i have full custidy of her and her mother when she gets her dont spend time with her she takes her too her familys and leaves her all the time from what my little girl says anymore she really dont want too go but the court makes me send her she even tells everyone she dont like her mom and i have through hell with her mom she left us just too party and run too the bars and now she lives with a man 3 blocks from us i just dont know why she is doing this please anyone can you help me

I would get her into counseling as soon as possible. If sending her to her Mother's is really causing that much damage to her, the counselor could recommend that she not go any more. But it does sound to me like your daughter is crying out for help. Contact the school, they might be able to recommend a good counselor. Good luck

counseling,counseling,counseling if money is a proplem some churches have great councilors

Talk to your daughter and believe her. Even if she is making it up, it is real to her. She may just need to say it out loud...,may be how she feels her mom thinks of her. It is hard on anyone's self esteem to be left. Possibly a therapist if you can find a reliable one. If you were closer I'd talk to her.

I am not a big fan of counseling but some situations justify going to her Pediatrician and ask for a referral to a competent pediatric phycholgist/counselor and this sounds like one. Take her art work or anything she has written and given to you with her permission to share. Don't betray her trust. Cross reference that person with CASA program or whoever they recommend as friends of the court and set up an appointment ASAP. Most county mental health programs have experienced pediatric counselors on sliding scale.

My guess is Mom is being pressured to affect her visitation by social workers assigned from the court to work for best interest of the child. They may have helped her find the houseing so close to you as a plan for reunification with the mother as the same sex parent or shared custody. The later is a federal mandate in an effort to supposedly be non-discriminateing. This is not necessarily bad for you if you can find she is skipping or leaves the home when the child is there you can report to the court. It would be expensive but a licensed private investigator could document this without getting you charged for harrassment or stalking. I wouldn't question the child about it because that will only add to her stress. Listen if she talks to you but don't try to collect information from her.

If she is consistently taking the child to family; family may be pushing the visitation. If you can figure out which it might bring you closer to understanding what is going on.

My guess is someone is trying to sabatoge her success in school to make it appear you are not doing well as a custodial parent. It could be Mommy not so dearest but my guess is if "somebody" is getting paid to babysit I have seen them vie for custody return for only that reason. Especially if you are collecting child support that probably family is helping her pay. Or to save face as Grandparents. If their daughter is bringing a guy around he may be providing drugs, alcohol, or money to everyone for someplace to hang out and get free sex. Apple rarely falls far from the tree. If her aquaintences have criminal records you could petetion the court for supervised visitation but you would most likely have to share the cost which can be substanial.

I don't know your states laws but it is possible when she is out of her Mother's custody a certain number of hours you have the right to send a uniform officer in to force her return to your custody. Usually it is 16 hours. Every municipal courthouse has a free law library you can research yourself. What is usually more effective is to sign up for a child support enforcement and they will often have counseling programs for custodial parents. And sometimes peer programs for children of divorced families.

If you believe the Mother really doesn't want custody you could see if she will relenquish the child for adoption. I know Kentucky has an abandonment law but I don't know about your state. I would consult and attorney. If you pay for the proceeding and are willing to waive outstanding child support she might go for it.

If she is a party animal if you can get her busted for DUI or substances it would some leverage. Of course if she looses her job on goes on public assistance she could be the stay at home Mommy judges favor.

I don't know what your financial picture is but if you are not a homeowner I would sell that motorcycle and buy something in driving distance from your job especially if it is a better school district and has reliable child care. It is a symbol of your committment to your child.

To your question is your child lying about what is going on to see if you are considering giving her back to her Mom who she probably does miss a lot even if she doesn't like being sent for visitations? Yea maybe. Seven year olds still have a keen sense of majical thinking. They want something to be so and they have a vague sense of how to put Mommy and Daddy back together especially for the holidays but they really don't have a true sense of what lying is and it is rare that they comprehend the full extent of what they are saying any more than they believe they are a Princess all the time. She may be queerying you to see if she failed in school would Mommy come back and of course you have to say that the decision has been made she is living with you and together the two of you will work out her school problems. If a seven year old female child is making references about sexual activity I would report that to her pediatrician and her therapist and make darn sure she is not picking up on anything going on or laying around in your home. I would closely monitor her computer and cell phone access and who she is hanging around with. Seven year old girls are starting to notice changes in their older classmates. on tv and even in girls magazines. It is definitley time to have the beginning talks about privacy and boundries.

Why would a mother do this to us?

Because she can. Evidently she has little or no bonding with this child. It is quite likely related to being addicted and has been for quite awhile.

It is doubtful with her problems that she got the nurtureing she needed as a Mother so she has no real comprehension how to Mommy.

Because she gets away with it in the court system and society. People do not want to beleive Mother's do this. You don't want to. I am sure she doesn't want to but you have to snap out of it and deal with what is.

If your daughter is not talking sense to you then you need to listen to her and gently let her tell you in kid terms what she is trying to say. Maybe it is babble and maybe it is not. She may not have the vocabulary to tell you what is going on. Kids do talk in code so I would take notes and have someone help you figure it out. Don't for one minute think that only step fathers molest and abuse little children. Especially when when drugs and alcohol are involved.