Topic: What is wrong ? | |
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To start out with, I have not dated much in these last few years. The women that I have dated seem to be possessive. And I have tried to date outside of my desires. (Older, younger, wiser and just different) The women after about two weeks want me to give up my whole life for them and do only things that they want to do; as in only going out to their friends, spending all my time with them, or only doing what interest them. The last three out of the four I have dated even wanted me to give up all of my friends for them. And I have only dated four women. So my question is what is up with the dating thing? They want to get married within a week of dating, well they start talking about marriage. Planning my next visit and even asking me to move in. I really don't understand the rush; shouldn't we get to know each other first? |
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To start out with, I have not dated much in these last few years. The women that I have dated seem to be possessive. And I have tried to date outside of my desires. (Older, younger, wiser and just different) The women after about two weeks want me to give up my whole life for them and do only things that they want to do; as in only going out to their friends, spending all my time with them, or only doing what interest them. The last three out of the four I have dated even wanted me to give up all of my friends for them. And I have only dated four women. So my question is what is up with the dating thing? They want to get married within a week of dating, well they start talking about marriage. Planning my next visit and even asking me to move in. I really don't understand the rush; shouldn't we get to know each other first? I think it has to do more with the people you are dating than with you. I feel the same as you... there is no rush to get to the serious stuff. It may be that the women you have been with are hearing their biological clock ticking and just want to get to the family part. Or it could be that they have been out o the dating game a while, too, and want to hold onto the first guy they can get their hands on. |
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Time is a spiral, space is a curve, I know you get dizzy but try not to lose your nerve
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OMG those women sound very needy.
You should never give up your own interests or friends. It is not healthy to spend that much time with someone. To have a heathly relationship it take time to cultivate and nature. Spending time apart is good, everyone needs to own space to grow. You should never live with anyone unless you are 100% sure of your feelings for them and after aweek that is not love that is lust. |
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I agree man....those girls you dated wanted you to give it all up so they can posses you and hoard all of your time and attention hoping you don't find someone else....that's the reason for control and manipulation....to do what they want
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I disagree with Troublemaker in this: you are the common denominator in all these relationships. People seem to form relationship patterns, which can be hard to break; if these are the women you're attracting, there must be something about them that attracts you, and/or something about you that attracts them to you. If you can figure out what you're doing that attracts that sort of woman, you can work on breaking that pattern and dating less clingy and controlling women.
One thing you could try is to bring up early on, on the first or second date, that you're looking to take things more slowly. That might clue people in that you're not looking for what they are. If you haven't learned to set boundaries when women you date request things of you that you don't want to do, that's also an incredibly useful and necessary skill that you could work on. Good luck! |
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I agree man....those girls you dated wanted you to give it all up so they can posses you and hoard all of your time and attention hoping you don't find someone else....that's the reason for control and manipulation....to do what they want |
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Edited by
No1sLove
on
Fri 08/22/08 07:43 AM
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I think it's actually pretty cool when BOTH parties feel like they want to move in together so quickly, but giving up friends and only being concerned about one parties interests is not a good sign, and moving in too fast is not a good idea. If you BOTH feel so strongly about how quickly you've bonded, it will only grow stronger if you wait a while.
My thinking is that you seem to make a rather enchanting first impression on these women...so maybe try to reign in the voodoo that you're putting on them just a tad. |
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Here is a thought....
All these women are the same, but yet you say they appear different. It just might be that although the outer appearances are different, there is a key element inside them that is the same. You are looking for it, or are attracted to it, or some deviant of it.... in a subconscious way. |
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Oddly, I have encountered the same with a few men almost immediately. Constant calling and texting, wanting to move in as soon as possible, trying to convince me into situations, wanting to know why I want to visit with my friends or what I'm really "up to", jokingly wanting to know if I have other men with whom I communicate. It gets unnerving and makes me feel suffocated, like they want to absorb me and fit me into some preconceived mold. I've been single for a LONG TIMES and had a life before they entered it!! Needless to say, I run for the hills!!!!
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I think it's actually pretty cool when BOTH parties feel like they want to move in together so quickly, but giving up friends and only being concerned about one parties interests is not a good sign, and moving in too fast is not a good idea. If you BOTH feel so strongly about how quickly you've bonded, it will only grow stronger if you wait a while. My thinking is that you seem to make a rather enchanting first impression on these women...so maybe try to reign in the voodoo that you're putting on them just a tad. I have been told by my friends that I have that type of a personality, easy going and just a general good person. The thing is that I would like to meet someone; who would also like to take the time to get further into a relationship. I don't want to move in with them right away. I also try to explain at first that I need time before making any real commitments. |
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Here is a thought.... All these women are the same, but yet you say they appear different. It just might be that although the outer appearances are different, there is a key element inside them that is the same. You are looking for it, or are attracted to it, or some deviant of it.... in a subconscious way. It is only natural to be drawn to where we know we'll receive adoration...it feels good. It's good to know that you realize that is not all you need in a relationship. There are men who jump easily at the offers you've had so far...women too. Hold out for what you truly deserve. |
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Here is a thought.... All these women are the same, but yet you say they appear different. It just might be that although the outer appearances are different, there is a key element inside them that is the same. You are looking for it, or are attracted to it, or some deviant of it.... in a subconscious way. I can understand what you are saying, I have tried to date women who I would feel are completely opposite of what I may be interested in. So the question is; How as a person am I to know who these women really are unless I date them? |
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Never give an inch!
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the ladies have all provided the real insight, look within
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I think it's actually pretty cool when BOTH parties feel like they want to move in together so quickly, but giving up friends and only being concerned about one parties interests is not a good sign, and moving in too fast is not a good idea. If you BOTH feel so strongly about how quickly you've bonded, it will only grow stronger if you wait a while. My thinking is that you seem to make a rather enchanting first impression on these women...so maybe try to reign in the voodoo that you're putting on them just a tad. I have been told by my friends that I have that type of a personality, easy going and just a general good person. The thing is that I would like to meet someone; who would also like to take the time to get further into a relationship. I don't want to move in with them right away. I also try to explain at first that I need time before making any real commitments. |
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Here is a thought.... All these women are the same, but yet you say they appear different. It just might be that although the outer appearances are different, there is a key element inside them that is the same. You are looking for it, or are attracted to it, or some deviant of it.... in a subconscious way. It is only natural to be drawn to where we know we'll receive adoration...it feels good. It's good to know that you realize that is not all you need in a relationship. There are men who jump easily at the offers you've had so far...women too. Hold out for what you truly deserve. That is why I have only dated a few times. I am actually afraid to date anymore due to these reasons. I have no problems in spending time with someone or even along with their friends. And for the overly attracted part, I try to stay away from that. I should have added; that I do state that I need to take things slow. It is shortly after being with them they show their real personality. |
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I disagree with Troublemaker in this: you are the common denominator in all these relationships. People seem to form relationship patterns, which can be hard to break; if these are the women you're attracting, there must be something about them that attracts you, and/or something about you that attracts them to you. If you can figure out what you're doing that attracts that sort of woman, you can work on breaking that pattern and dating less clingy and controlling women. One thing you could try is to bring up early on, on the first or second date, that you're looking to take things more slowly. That might clue people in that you're not looking for what they are. If you haven't learned to set boundaries when women you date request things of you that you don't want to do, that's also an incredibly useful and necessary skill that you could work on. Good luck! Very true!! Maybe these women are all different ages and backgrounds, but they all have the same personality or traits because you are subconsciously attracted to that. I agree that setting boundaries right away should help. |
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If you had dated four women with even two different situations, I'd not be so sure. But for all of them to have the same problem, it is you.
I'm not saying they aren't clingy, or going too fast... I'm saying there is some element in their personalities you look for or are attracted to that also contains the cling factor. Try an independent woman, one with varied and different interests. And don't be so available, establish boundaries.... do NOT fawn, but do express interest if you feel it. |
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This statement is false.
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