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The only thing that should be changed in a relationship are the things that are physical harmful to someone..If you like to drunk and drive..yes your partner has the right to say something..if you like to get high and drive..yup they should speak up..but things like "Well I like red heads..will you dye your hair red for me?"..Or..I like tall girls..will you wear heels even if you yourself don't like them?..um..Nope..don't think so. Well those are both pretty extreme examples. The first two are very significant, the other two are absolutely trivial. What about something like the person's habits such as something sort of in the middle...like they don't think that cleaning the kitchen is necessary, even though it attracts roaches. Or their driving is really fast and their significant other asks them to be a bit more careful. Or they don't spend any time supporting their significant other's activities. Would any of those be acceptable in your opinion? WOW! VERY GOOD EXAMPLES!! |
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The only thing that should be changed in a relationship are the things that are physical harmful to someone..If you like to drunk and drive..yes your partner has the right to say something..if you like to get high and drive..yup they should speak up..but things like "Well I like red heads..will you dye your hair red for me?"..Or..I like tall girls..will you wear heels even if you yourself don't like them?..um..Nope..don't think so. Well those are both pretty extreme examples. The first two are very significant, the other two are absolutely trivial. What about something like the person's habits such as something sort of in the middle...like they don't think that cleaning the kitchen is necessary, even though it attracts roaches. Or their driving is really fast and their significant other asks them to be a bit more careful. Or they don't spend any time supporting their significant other's activities. Would any of those be acceptable in your opinion? eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww@roaches..the kitchen don't have to be so spotless that "I" could eat off it..I just don't want the roaches eating off it either..lol.You spill something,get it up but its not something that gotta be done on schedule.I got way more to worry about than if the kitchen is spotless..lol..and I don't think that couples have to enjoy EVERY activity together..I love things that I KNOW guys aren't gonna like and I'm more than happy to go off and do them alone while he does his thing. |
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No...smoking is a bad thing and SHOULD be stopped..because not only will it end up killing THEM but you as well if you're around the person when they're doing it and yes that is a deal breaker for me if they refuse to stop..Sorry..I'm gettin kinda lost myself here..lol Lol, sounds like there are some instances where you support change in a relationship then. |
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personally i could give a crap if any one thought i was perfect for them if they want to be with me fine..if not who cares if i find someone here thats fine ..if not dont care life is too short to care what others think of me i know who iam i know i have alot of good qualities and a bad habit like smoking my choice,im a good hearted person that has alot to offer a good hearted woman ..the main thing i ask is that she loves to take care of her man if thats too much to ask bye..as far as being perfect ..no im not but there again dont care i wasnt made to be as far as someone else saying theyre perfect well they cant be because they already showed the propensity to lie by saying they are perfect ..dont like what i have to say once again DONT care ..rather than search for perfection we should serach for someone who treats us with love kindness and understanding ...thats perfect enough for me ....jmo |
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No...smoking is a bad thing and SHOULD be stopped..because not only will it end up killing THEM but you as well if you're around the person when they're doing it and yes that is a deal breaker for me if they refuse to stop..Sorry..I'm gettin kinda lost myself here..lol Lol, sounds like there are some instances where you support change in a relationship then. Some things yes..if it's a matter of life and death or injury or illness..YES there needs to be a change..If not then leave it be. |
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Some things yes..if it's a matter of life and death or injury or illness..YES there needs to be a change..If not then leave it be. What about the example of a significant other who drives recklessly. That involves potential injury. Would that be worth suggesting a change? |
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The perfect guy/girl for you but then she/he started bringing up things about YOU that THEY didn't like..and actually asked you to change them..would you do it? 
For the most part, my answer is a BIG FAT NO, but it really depends on the details.  
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Some things yes..if it's a matter of life and death or injury or illness..YES there needs to be a change..If not then leave it be. What about the example of a significant other who drives recklessly. That involves potential injury. Would that be worth suggesting a change? Learn to drive more carefully..or I won't be in the passengers seat next to you. 
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So let me get this straight. You do or do not agree with me that if a partner wanted you to change a bad habit such as smoking that this would be acceptable to you and it would be a good choice to pursue. I’m confused because I made this comment at nearly the beginning of the thread and you seemed to overlook it or argue. Now it’s okay? |
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Learn to drive more carefully..or I won't be in the passengers seat next to you.
So that's changing a big part of a person's life, then. And who decides what is "too reckless"? So not only is it a change, but you would be completely dictating that change. |
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So let me get this straight. You do or do not agree with me that if a partner wanted you to change a bad habit such as smoking that this would be acceptable to you and it would be a good choice to pursue. I’m confused because I made this comment at nearly the beginning of the thread and you seemed to overlook it or argue. Now it’s okay? I only argued with you when you thought I called you an idiot..If I had called you one I would own up to it..since I didn't I won't. |
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 ..I hardly believe that anybody wants to just sit there while bugs crawl all over them.. ^ Excerpted. I agree it seems crazy that anyone would truly not care that much. But what if he really didn't care? And it drove you up a wall? Wouldn't you be open to the thought of him deciding that it was disgusting? Sure, he would be "changing", but wouldn't it be an improvement, without having to alter his personality or lifestyle in any significant way? That's my point...that not all change is bad.  i like your answer, bravo
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The perfect guy/girl for you but then she/he started bringing up things about YOU that THEY didn't like..and actually asked you to change them..would you do it?
There is a small amount of give and take in any relationship, however if the person feels the need to ask you to change who you are at a fundamental level, then they are not right for you, and you will get lost in the relationship if you try to change who you are and let them define you! |
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There is a small amount of give and take in any relationship, however if the person feels the need to ask you to change who you are at a fundamental level, then they are not right for you, and you will get lost in the relationship if you try to change who you are and let them define you! That's basically the cliff's note version of what I've been trying to say for a few pages here. |
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There is a small amount of give and take in any relationship, however if the person feels the need to ask you to change who you are at a fundamental level, then they are not right for you, and you will get lost in the relationship if you try to change who you are and let them define you! That's basically the cliff's note version of what I've been trying to say for a few pages here.
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This is the exact reason my 14+ year relationship ended. I wouldn't change for him.
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I guess there is a reasonable degree of change that one person could request of another. For instance as mentioned, quitting smoking, quitting drinking to excess, smoking pot, whatever the vice de jour may be. I don’t know if all of you define that as "change" but I do. However, my personal feeling is that is a change for the better. It's also within my control to comply if I care about the other half of the relationship and staying committed for the long haul.
Now there are certainly those particular changes and there are other requests for change that are not as realistic and might be legitimate cause for resentment. In that case, I would move on. Where it becomes tricky is this is a personal choice and by definition, for every single one of us on this forum, what is a reasonable vs. unreasonable change is going to not quite match up. There is really no reason to argue. |
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It's my bed and I'll fart in it if i want to!
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