So I've been "hanging out", dating, this guy for 3 months. He recently told me that he's a virgin and he's 23. Then last weekend he told me that he has never messed around with a girl - EVER. He's only kissed 4 girls and thats as far as it went. I can tell by what he does that he's very unexperienced. He seems a little unexperienced emotionally too. He always drives to see me and we either hang out at my house or go out to eat, bowling, to the bar, etc. He's a real gentleman. I wrecked my car a month ago and was stranded with no way home and he drove an hour to get me and take me home safely.

But then when I bring up the subject of a relationship things get all weird. We've talked a few times about it. He says he likes how things are right now and wants to keep it going. We see each other about 2- 3 times a week. But it seems like he has a problem with intimacy (obviously since hes a 23 yr old virgin). Sometimes he doesn't even want to kiss me and I'm like why won't you kiss me? And he says he doesn't want me to feel like this is something we have to do alll the time and then he doesn't want me getting dissapointed if it doesn't happen. He says he really cares about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He also came over to my house last weekend whenever my cat died because he knew i was upset.

Is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Should I run as fast as I can? Or should I stick it out with him and see where it leads? Its really frustrating because he gives me so many mixed signals. When it seems like things are going really good and progressing well - all of a sudden he slams on the brakes.

I'm telling your very honestly that it sounds like you have an awesome guy there.

I obviously don't know all the details but most have my Girl buddies that share things with me have the opposite problem of the guy being too aggressive...Gentleman are rare, so don't overthink it...he sounds really cool. He may have intimacy issues, but hey - we all have some kind of issues.

-Good luck.

This is what you call a true gentlemen that is very respectful guy toward women. Like he is waiting for the special lady to loose his virginity with. I would stick with him and see where it goes. Also have you asked if he ever got hurt in his past relationship because you might have to convince him that you won't do what his x's did to him. I dated a guy exactly like this and his problem was he got so hurt by his x that he thinks all the girls are the same and how the react and everything. So I basically proved him wrong and he opened up and everything. Just takes time, But I wish you as much luck there is out there in ya'lls relationship

Be his friend, but don't get attached. If he says he has intimacy issues, believe him. Be honest and let him know you like him, but since he pulls away you just want to be friends right now.

He doesn't kiss you all the time because he doesn't want it to lose value. He doesn't want a kiss to be mundane and lose all its 'specialness'. If he thinks a kiss is that special, imagine how he must feel about sex.
He's normal. It might take a lot of patience and work, but he's not a freak. It's up to you to decide if it's worth waiting what might be a loooong time before you get intimate. But if you decide to wait it out and then realize that you can't do it... someone might get hurt.

I'm not saying this as a joke but maybe he is having sexual orientation issues????? Sounds like a really nice guy though.

Isn't it sad that in our society a 23 yr old man who chooses celibacy (maybe even til marriage) is seen as the "odd man out" .. that it's looked at as 'weird' or 'strange'

I have 3 nephews who all waited until marriage to have relations with their wives. I am very proud of them.

My older son is planning on doing the same. He is saving intimacy for the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He doesn't want to be in a 'relationship' until he is serious about someone.

Your guy sounds like he's got it together, is compassionate and caring.

That should never be a negative.

Apparently this guy cares a great deal for you but is afraid to show his emotions. Maybe he just wants to be "friends"?
Or maybe he's not into kissing girls.

It's possible. I was with a guy in my early 20's and it was a very similar situation. He wasn't a virgin but we didn't kiss or become intimate for a very long time. He pulled away a lot. I thought he was just "old fashioned" and a gentleman. But, it turned out he was gay. Not saying this guy is, but it happened to be this way in my situation.

Well said!

I think he either wants to take things slow or he is just intimately lacking. Keep on dating the way you are and don't take things too seriously (meaning don't take it to heart if he doesn't want to kiss you. I dated a guy who was a strict Christian and believed that kissing was the same as pre-marital sex. Depending on how serious the relationship is, maybe a heart-to-heart chat would clear up a lot of matters. Ask him what his beliefs are and where he stands with you. I wouldn't rush things though because it has only been three months.

I'm with you on this one!

BTW .. not wanting to get into 'kissing' is very wise on his part if he truly wants to remain pure. Kissing is like a gateway for more sexually and it's easier to keep his hormones in check if he doesn't stir a sleeping lion.

Send him to my house .. I have daughters I would trust with him

I completley agree. It is a rare thing anymore. If I miss even opening a door for a woman, I am waiting for my pops (even though he is gone now)to pop me in the head and tell me to go apologize. Gentleman are a dyin breed anymore!!!

sounds like a great guy
nothing wrong with waiting for the right one

kissing is a very intimate thing to do
it can lead to becoming sexually active, but you can also catch
mononucleosis

definitely should know who your kissing these days

if you really like him
being a virgin shouldn't be a problem

You don't look dead to me

ya .. actually catching mono was the clue my parents got that I had my first kiss .. dang it all .. LOL

It is a Negative.
I was that Guy... the Nice Guy.
It is creepy because it speaks about his Social skills.
It is easy by default being the Nice Guy.
It is harder being a Man and saying No to uphold values.

I am sorry he needs to grow up so you can have a healthy Lasting relationship... unless you are willing to go thru the process with him... which would be good for the both of you.

Number ONE Problem...
HE is in LA LA LA LA land.
He is putting you on the Pedestal.
It is good at first being treated that way... but a healthy relationship cannot. Everyday reality (life) will create resentment because you will never measure up in Reality to his image of you in his mind.

I am not talking about the celibacy issue, if he wants to be a virgin that is great... but his social level issue and maturity. If you love the guy... you would have to teach him to please God and not you on the pedestal. I promise you can avoid a lot of fights that way. ooh... and teach him to be a Man.

You tell em Fade.