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| Topic: He's a 23 year old Virgin | |
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way to go celibates! OOOOOooo YYYeeeah... mmmeee too. I am a 40 year old Virgin. Would you like to go out with me? My mom can drive us to the movie threater and we can watch "Wall-E". Hmmm... I can't decide should I go out with you or Fade. I don't know if I can trust any of you to take advantage of me. hehe... JK... |
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From what I've read, I tend to agree with some of the other posters. 1.) Is that he has some suppressed issues.and 2.) Is that he is probably gay, or at the least bi. Although I'm leaning toward #2. It could be #1.It's possible that he may have been molested as a child. This is just my opinion. If you want things to work. I hope that they do. 
So, because this young man doesn't want to go far or "all the way", then he must be gay or bisexual? If he were climbing all over her, that would make him what? A man? 
What kind of logic is that? Maybe he has some morals or values, which seem to be dying off these days. Or he has some sense and wants to be responsible, which also seems to be in short supply these days. I told the OP to give him a chance in an earlier post, but maybe you should get rid of him. Let him find someone that will appreciate his consideration, manners, morals, whatever is driving him. Ask him if he likes older women. 
(And Merlin, sorry to pick on you so soon, but hopefully you'll forgive me.)
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So I've been "hanging out", dating, this guy for 3 months. He recently told me that he's a virgin and he's 23. Then last weekend he told me that he has never messed around with a girl - EVER. He's only kissed 4 girls and thats as far as it went. I can tell by what he does that he's very unexperienced. He seems a little unexperienced emotionally too. He always drives to see me and we either hang out at my house or go out to eat, bowling, to the bar, etc. He's a real gentleman. I wrecked my car a month ago and was stranded with no way home and he drove an hour to get me and take me home safely. But then when I bring up the subject of a relationship things get all weird. We've talked a few times about it. He says he likes how things are right now and wants to keep it going. We see each other about 2- 3 times a week. But it seems like he has a problem with intimacy (obviously since hes a 23 yr old virgin). Sometimes he doesn't even want to kiss me and I'm like why won't you kiss me? And he says he doesn't want me to feel like this is something we have to do alll the time and then he doesn't want me getting dissapointed if it doesn't happen. He says he really cares about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He also came over to my house last weekend whenever my cat died because he knew i was upset. Is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Should I run as fast as I can? Or should I stick it out with him and see where it leads? Its really frustrating because he gives me so many mixed signals. When it seems like things are going really good and progressing well - all of a sudden he slams on the brakes. Okay, I can understand the wanting to wait but, the no kissing???????? It could be true that he is a real gentleman and/or has intimacy problems. This is a tough one without knowing either of you personally. Another questions is he gay? Granted, just because a guy wants to wait, it does not mean that he is, but in this case, it is a valid question I think. Here is my recommendation: 1. If your instincts are telling Run Lola Run, then get out now. 2. If your instincts are simply baffled, then talk to him when he gives you a mixed signal. The next time you try to kiss him if he pulls away, then talk to him. Do not accept the quick and easy answer. Tell him your concerns and ask again. 3. I also recommend asking alot of questions about his family here and there without it being overwhelming. 4. Watch how he interacts with others besides you. Good luck to you. Good luck to both of you. |
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He also has told me that he's done more with me than any other girl he hangs out with. He never cuddles with him, holds hands, hugs, etc. The most we've done is I've given him handjobs and he's played with my boobs. I also met his dad last weekend when I went to his house for the first time. I live in my own apartment and he usualyl just comes to my place. He always tells me I'm pretty, or hot and things like that. I went to his bball games the past 2 weeks. All of his friends think I'm his girlfriend and they think I'm a good catch for him and he should go for it. But I'm not really sure thats what he's thinking. He also said that he has dated a few girls recently but always finds flaws in them that are deals breakers - like an ex heroin addict, and a girl who got depressed adn dropped off the face of the earth. So I asked him what the flaw was in me taht he found and he said there isn't any. When we're together I feel like his gf alot of the tiem - he pays for me. We hold hands if we're out and about, etc. And its nice that he pays for me because I know he doesn't have a lot of money - he's having trouble finding a job in broadcasting which is what he went to school for. You give him hand jobs and he plays with your boobs? If he was a real man he'd make sure that you were totally satisfied before he got his. He's gay Exactly! this is not celibacy or being a gentleman.....he's getting his rocks off and you're getting nothing! 
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Exactly! this is not celibacy or being a gentleman.....he's getting his rocks off and you're getting nothing!
Whoa... waita minute... Maybe he is a Virgin 13 times and he is just making it exciting by withholding the sex part of a relationship slowly and teasing along the way. |
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I'm starting to wonder if I'm being too uptight with him. Mainly because he said it to me because he thinks I get upset too much. But to me it seems like he just doesnt care enough or at all.
He sometimes texts me and gives me one word answers, but other times he'll carry on a full convo. Sometimes he'll call me babe or boo but not all the time. And it seems like when he doesn't do the nice things it kidna makes me dissapointed or instantly think something is wrong. For example - i asked if he was not working tomorrow and he said he's not. So I said "Okay I got dibbs on you!" And he said "okay, it might have to be later on." So right away I thought okay he's going out with his friends or another girl and doesn't want me to come along. Why doesn't he want me to come along? I'm usually not insecure with guys but he makes me very insecure. Mainly because I don't have an actual commitment from him which is kind of what I want. I'm willing to stick it out a little bit longer because I do really like him. But anyways, I asked him how late and he said i dont know. Then I asked him if he was mad or something and he said no. And I'm sitting here wondering why he's giving me these one word answers. So then I asked him if we were definitely doing something or not because if not I was goign to make other plans. And he said I guess but what are your other plans? And I got upset that he said " i guess" and started to feel like he's hanging out with me out of pity or something |
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Actually, the celibacy thing I don't think is the issue. Most guys that wait till marriage will tell you that they are. I have a friend who is real popular with the ladies and pretty flirty. He however has a really hot gf he has been seeing for a while and he is a virgin and so is she and they are waiting. I mean you would never know it unless he told you.
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I have not taken the time to read through all the posts. But would like to add my two cents. It might help it might not. But let me share a story with you.
I have the sort of friend. I met him through my last boyfriend. Never really talked until recently. I had heard from my former boyfriend and other mutual friends that he is a virgin. He is 30. He uses the excuse that he has not found a girl that wants him for him and not his money. He came over last Friday. We kisses and made out. I felt right. I am not usually the one to sleep with a person that quickly, but something about him just felt right. I wanted to knowing that he was a virgin. Things got kind of hot and heavy but never went further. And you know in the end I respected him for that. Our friendship still continues to grow to this day. We talk all the time and even hang out like twice a week. I like him a lot. But am not about to push him into anything he is not ready. Guess what I am trying to say, try not to rush things. Just keep it the way it is and let nature take it's course. It will blossom into something wonderful. You will see. I wish you the best of luck. |
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23? oh my, what about 28-29? it's not a big deal
if they are agressive, is bad for some girls if we respect them, damn, is worst so, what's the big idea here? |
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