What are the red flags that tell you the person you're with could be a potential abuser in the future, especially when they just seem so perfect at first ?

sorry no room for jokes in this thread.

Thats not normal?!?

Wish I knew the answer to that one.

disrespecting you or your family in any type of way.

with my first husband i didnt know how abusive he was till it was to late, i already married him, he used to watch wrestling and use some of the moves on me...i am just glad i got out when i did, moved 1600 miles away from him to lol

When she punches you on the first date

It started with discouraging friendships that were long-standing...wanted to be the ONLY influence in my life.

me too.

I'd have to write a novel!!!

if they have a short temper and hit things while angry..or perhaps they'll start by grabbing you and pushing you around and later escalate into more physical abuse..perhaps sucker punching and curb stomping..depending on what they're into.

I know this sounds silly, but take them to a restaurant on a busy Friday or Sat. night and see how they treat the waitstaff. If they get real snippy and rude all the time, it tells me they don't really have patience. Things can sometimes escalate from there.

Jealousy: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser may say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love. It is a sign if insecurity. An abuser may accuse a target of abuse of flirting or be jealous of the time that the target spends with friends or family.

Controlling Behavior: At first, a batterer may say that controlling behavior comes from concern. The abuser may be angry if a partner is later than expected when returning home. A batterer may question his partner about where she went or who she was with while she was out. As the relationship continues, this type of behavior will worsen. The target may no longer be allowed to make personal decisions or come and go as she chooses without the "permission" of the abuser.


Quick Involvement: Many targets date their abusers for less than six months before becoming engaged or moving in together. Abusers come on strong and claim "love at first sight." Abusers often say flattering things such as, "You're the only person I could ever talk to." Or "I've never felt like this about anyone before you." A batterer needs a partner desperately and may pressure a target to commit before she is ready.


Unrealistic Expectations: Batterers are often very dependent on their partners for all needs. They may say, "If you love me, I'm all you need and you're all I need." Targets are "supposed" to take care of their abusers' needs.

Read more here
http://domesticabuseprevention.com/red_flags